Debbie Does Nothing

Dear Mr. Kotter

2012-01-26T17:45:00.002-06:00

Epstein won't be able to come to class tomorrow because he died. Signed, Epstein's mother.

RIP Robert Hegyes

Guess whose son this is

2012-01-26T13:08:00.003-06:00

He has a sort of Kennedy air about him - maybe it's the Irish heritage but he's not one. He's an almost a dead ringer for his father - right down to the wrinkles.

Worst pain ever

2012-01-26T12:23:00.003-06:00

I've never been a big weenie about pain but oh my fucking god. I saw the hand surgeon today and he gave me the option of trying cortisone shots first. He said it only had a 50% chance of working because of my thyroid condition but I wanted to avoid surgery so I went for the shot.

I've honestly never had that much pain in my life. The nerves and tendons around my thumb were already inflamed and then he started injecting directly into them. Lots of pressure, then intense, sharp, shooting pain. He kept asking if I wanted him to stop and I told him to keep going but it got to the point where my legs were shaking and I was feeling pain all the way down to my crotch. Apparently my thumb is connected to my crotch?

Anyway, he had to stop. He managed to get a little bit of the cortisone in so he wants to wait to see if I get any effect from it. I have to go back next month and at that point, I'm pretty sure the next step will be surgery.

Not looking forward to that.

No comment

2012-01-25T18:32:00.002-06:00

Thought for today

2012-01-24T23:44:00.003-06:00

It takes Mitt Romney 4 hrs, 2 minutes and 38 seconds to make as much as I made last year. I guess being unemployed really pays off.

Let's see Mitt Romney pull this off

2012-01-20T11:10:00.001-06:00

A little eye candy

2012-01-18T15:51:00.003-06:00

Dylan McDermott. Happy hump day, as requested.

Memo to Lizzie

2012-01-17T10:54:00.006-06:00

You are the sweetest little devil cat ever but here are a few things you need to know:

1) My desk is not your personal toy box. Pens, paperclips, post-it memos, mouse cord - not your toys.

2) Quit turning off my modem. If you're going to use my desk as a toy box, you could at least avoid stepping on the on/off button to my modem.

3) No, you can't have 2 litter boxes. It's cute how you and Megan like to use one for poop and the other for pee. But I'm getting tired of cleaning 2 boxes every day. Go ahead, sit beside the empty box and pout. I'm not giving in. Well, maybe I'll give in but not today.

4) My kitchen counter is not your personal toy box. Pens, bag clips, cell phone - not toys.

5) My face is not for sleeping on. Neither is my neck. You can sleep on my chest but only if you quit swishing your tail in my face.

6) My bathroom shelf is not your personal toy box. Nail clippers, bobby pins and hair ties - not toys. You can play with the cotton balls and q-tips but you've already got a gazillion of them hidden around the apartment so you don't need any more.

7) There are better places to stand than in front of my computer monitor when I'm trying to work. And in front of the TV is not one of them.

8) I didn't enjoy the way you edited the note my neighbor slipped under the door. It was a little hard to read with the middle chewed out of it.

9) My bird cages are not your personal toy box and the chirpy little creatures hopping around inside them - not toys.

10) Until just now when I downloaded my latest photos, I couldn't figure out why you like to sit on top of my speaker. Now that I know you're staring at yourself in the mirror, I would like to inform you that a) That's not another kitty out to get you, and b) You can't possibly get any cuter so you don't need to keep checking.

Blooper

2012-01-16T21:18:00.001-06:00

He looks good no matter what he's doing.

I had a sex dream about Harvey Levin

2012-01-13T06:54:00.005-06:00

He was impressed by my witty comments on his website and he thought my screen name was clever so he wanted to meet me. Then he wanted to have sex with me. I said, "You're gay." He said, "I love you so much I don't care." Then he did me and it was good.

That dreamed morphed into the one where I had to pee so I was looking for a bathroom. And I found one.

If I'm counting correctly, this is the fourth time I've peed the bed since my cancer staging surgery in May 2010. Never ever happened before that. I'm not sure if it's nerve damage from the surgery but probably not. Every time it's happened, I've been really sleep deprived and I was finally getting some good, deep sleep.

I hardly ever have sex dreams. Rarely. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year. And Harvey Levin of all people.

He is good looking and he works out a lot so his body is nicely toned. Plus he's got money and he's smart and he's funny. But his politics are too conservative for me and he's not a fair debater. He gets loud and talks over people and keeps pounding away at the same points until they give up and he thinks he won the battle.

At least I didn't dream that Harvey peed on me.

Wasted days and wasted nights

2012-01-11T05:26:00.005-06:00

I'm going to be dead in 2 years. I just have that feeling and I've been obsessed with it for the last couple of months.

The 5 year prognosis for Stage 3a endometrial cancer is 58% survival and my gyn-oncologist says if I have a recurrence it will most likely happen in the first 2 years. I just started year 2, so I'm not totally crazy for thinking I'll be dead soon.

I'm more likely to die of a heart attack though. I have not been taking care of myself - it's even worse than usual. My BP is up, my blood sugar is up and I'd really like to cancel my primary care checkup next week because I know the test results will not be good. My prescriptions are running out and she won't refill them if I don't go for my checkup, so that would be one way of hastening my death.

Meanwhile, I never imagined it was possible for one little thumb to cause so much suffering. My doctor diagnosed it as trigger finger and offered a referral to an orthopedic surgeon. It hurts 24/7. If I bump it or move it the wrong way, I have intense, shooting pain. (Is that why they call it trigger finger?) When I see family doc next week, I'm going to ask for the referral.

You'd think with my limited number of days left on earth, I'd want to do something productive. But all I've been doing is sitting at my computer designing my dream house. I learned how to make graph paper with MS Paint so it's easier to draw the plans. It is a truly fabulous house. And of course, I've designed the husband and kids to go with it. There will even be 2 dogs (a bearded collie and a beagle mix) and a cat (Percy). I don't even like dogs but the children begged and the husband took their side. It's sort of my version of The Sims.

Of course, it's possible I need to increase my antidepressants. Just possible.

Why you shouldn't get implants

2012-01-06T05:57:00.003-06:00

There's absolutely nothing attractive about that chest. Leann used to be pretty - now she's just desperate.

I created some games on Sporcle

2011-12-30T17:50:00.003-06:00

Sporcle is a website with trivia games. Basically, you have to make lists, such as Countries of the World or State Capitals. A couple of the most recent games are Notable Deaths of 2011 and Thing IN People (which shows x-rays and you have to guess what they swallowed or inserted).

They also let you make your own quizzes, so I did a couple this week. You have to be a serious movie lover to get all the answers on these but I think it's fun to rack your brain a little. So try out my quizzes:

Movie List-o-rama and Movie List-o-rama 2.

I would so love to see this happen!

2011-12-29T01:41:00.005-06:00

Robert Reich, one of my favorite political commentators, is predicting that Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton will swap places in 2012. Biden will become Secretary of State and Hillary will be on the ticket as VP. Reich says:

Obama needs to stir the passions and enthusiasms of a Democratic base that's been disillusioned with his cave-ins to regressive Republicans. Hillary Clinton on the ticket can do that ...

The deal would also make Clinton the obvious Democratic presidential candidate in 2016 -- offering the Democrats a shot at twelve (or more) years in the White House, something the Republicans had with Ronald Reagan and the first George Bush but which the Democrats haven't had since FDR. Twelve years gives the party in power a chance to reshape the Supreme Court as well as put an indelible stamp on America.

According to the latest Gallup poll, the duo are this year's most admired man and woman This marks the fourth consecutive win for Obama, while Clinton has been the most admired woman in each of the last 10 years. She's topped the list 16 times since 1993, exceeding the record held by former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, who topped the list 13 times.

That's something I can get excited about. Obama-Clinton 2012.

But I'd rather be humping on this

2011-12-28T18:39:00.002-06:00

Happy hump day part deux. Love, Jon Bon Jovi.

Happy hump day

2011-12-28T18:32:00.004-06:00

Designer Marc Jacobs with his current boy toy. Why would you work so hard to get your body so ripped then cover it in ugly tattoos?

But then, there's no accounting for taste.

The 12 whines of Christmas

2011-12-28T05:01:00.004-06:00

I've got a lot of whining to do so I just made a list:

1) I didn't get my Christmas tree set up. Just didn't have the energy but I'm sad about it now. I had the box leaning against the wall in the kitchen. Lizzie has jumped on top of it and tipped it over 3 times tonight. Pretty good indicator of what would've happened if I did set the tree up.

2) My sleep cycle is backwards - I'm up all night and sleeping all day. Now I'm trying to sleep my way around the clock. That's a technique my former psychiatrist told me about. I'm supposed to go to bed 2 hrs later every day then sleep as long as I feel like sleeping. On Monday, I went to bed at 8:30 a.m. On Tuesday, at 10:30 a.m. So today, I should go to bed around 12:30. Within a week, I should be back to sleeping nights. Theoretically.

3) One of the reasons my sleep got so messed up is because it's hard for me to go to bed. That's when I miss Percy most. At night, every time I headed toward the bedroom, he would run in and jump on the bed and wait for me. That was our favorite cuddle time.

4) I feel guilty because I wrote a poem about Percy dying but I didn't write one about Jasmine. I was very attached to her when she was alive, but I think I got even more attached to Percy after she died.

5) I've developed trigger finger. It's basically a problem with the tendons in my hand that's causing intense pain in my left thumb. It locks up sometimes and I have to use my other hand to bend it, and if I bump my hand in the wrong way, it sends shooting pains through my hand and thumb. They don't know what causes it but I think in my case chemo played a role. I've had all sorts of problems with my joints and tendons and hands ever since.

6) As a result of that condition, I've developed more empathy for my mom. I had no idea how much I used my left hand, esp. my thumb, until I started having this problem. Mom has weakness in her left wrist and thumb caused by a stroke, and it's progressively gotten worse to the point where she can't do much with that hand.

7) I'm worried about Mom's health in general. A couple of weeks ago, she spilled some liquid detergent on the carpet. She wasn't able to get down on the floor to clean it up, so she called a friend to help. If she ever falls, she wouldn't be able to get up. It's getting more and more difficult for her to walk any distance because of pain in her right knee and foot. She wouldn't be able to do her own shopping if it weren't for Walmart's motorized carts.

8) I'm killing myself with carbs. I crave them all the time. Potatoes, potato chips, pasta, cereal, orange juice, chocolate. My blood sugar must be running sky high. I'm thirsty all the time and wake up every 2 hrs to pee.

9) I've got a crusty sore on my upper chest that won't heal and it looks like a couple more are developing nearby. It resembles pictures of skin cancer, and it's in an area where I got sunburned a lot when I was younger.

10) I can't keep track of what day it is. Being up all night does that to you.

11) My friend asked me to babysit on Tuesday. I had to turn him down because I'm still having problems with my neck and now I've got problems with my hand. I just couldn't handle lifting a very heavy 1 year old all day.

12) My brother wanted to give me gas money because I gave him a ride to our other brother's for Christmas, 2 hours each way. I said it wasn't necessary. He insisted and gave me $20. I said it was too much. He immediately took it back, then asked how much I thought was fair. I said $10 so that's what he gave me. When will I ever learn to shut up?

But some people didn't get the memo

2011-12-23T14:02:00.006-06:00

A November 2008 memo from American Thinker thinker R. Stephen Bowden:

Racism in America is dead. Allegations about inequality of opportunity have been smashed. Deader than a bug on the windshield ...

Over 66 million voters waited in line to deliver the coup de grâce. Many of them were proud blacks ... Most, however, were guilty whites who queued up to the voting booth to get shed of an ugly stigma. As for the other 57 million voters, they already knew that racism was dead and decided to vote on principle. Well . . . okay . . . that last statement was tongue-in-cheek ...

So join me, please, as we collectively stab our fingers at the rotting corpse of racism and ... shout our eulogy to America's great sin: Black inferiority: DEAD! White guilt: DEAD! Race-baiting: Dead! The U.S. of KKK: Dead! The politics of victimhood: Dead!

... Barack Obama's election to the presidency has simply - but decisively - put an exclamation point on the epitaph.

Y'all just keep repeating that to yourselves. There is no racism in America. Nope. None whatsoever. No. Racism. In. America. So get that through your fuzzy little monkey brain, Mr. Obama. Pay no attention to the man on Fox News. In fact, you might want to just scroll past the next post.

That's PRESIDENT Skinny Ghetto Crackhead to you

2011-12-23T13:40:00.001-06:00

The gay - it's destroying the very foundation of our society one marriage at a time

2011-12-23T13:19:00.006-06:00

Minnesota state Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch was forced to resign her position because of an affair with one of her subordinates. John Medeiros, an LGBT leader, wrote an open letter to her. Excerpts below:

Dear Ms. Koch,  

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife ...

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry ...

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery" ...

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family ... We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public ... Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Quote of the day

2011-12-22T13:14:00.003-06:00

You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better. If the Democrats think that they didn't have a mandate—people are literally without any focus or leadership, just wandering out into the streets to yell right now because they are so pissed off. Imagine if they had a leader.

- Matt Damon on why he's sorry he campaigned for Obama.

[Dude, that's why I campaigned for Hillary. She has balls.]

I'm not sure she's helping him

2011-12-21T17:23:00.004-06:00

Newt's former mistress is the center of his latest commercial repeating around the clock here in Iowa. It's sort of in your face - oh yeah, this is the younger woman he left his second younger woman wife for. She looks so phony and so uptight with her overdone makeup and skinny little lips pressed together. I bet she stopped going down on him after they got married - she wouldn't want to mess her hair up.

Dear diary (miscellaneous updates)

2011-12-20T14:26:00.006-06:00

Fingers crossed, I may have found a new home for some of my finches. But it's not the first time someone swore they wanted them. The last 2 times, the prospective buyer never showed up.

Jury duty fizzled out - no trials starting this week so I didn't have to report. I'm still on call for next week but I really doubt they'll have any. I didn't think any judges would schedule a trial during holiday weeks.

Walgreens emailed that one of the prescriptions I tried to refill is out of stock. That was Sunday and they still haven't notified me it's in. I've heard that a lot of drug companies are having manufacturing problems - which I think is an excuse for manipulating the market to make the prices go up, or steering customers toward more expensive options. That's my newest conspiracy theory.

My sleep has been even more disturbed than usual. I've been going to bed around 5:00-6:00 in the morning then sleeping until 1:00 and waking up several times in between. When I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, he said he wants me to go out every day and spend at least a half hour in the sun. Apparently, he doesn't know I'm a vampire.

Lizzie has turned into a real cuddlebum. I love it except when I have other things I need to get done. Her hair is so silky and fine that it gets in my nose. She hates being brushed. I even went out and got a better brush for her. Next step is bribing her with treats.

The top picture is from March, the week I brought her home. The bottom picture is 3 weeks ago, when she didn't want me to take down the table from writers group. She still likes to sleep with her hips splayed out.

Forcing myself to look forward this week

2011-12-18T14:42:00.004-06:00

I'm still missing Percy. Sometimes I think I got Lizzie and Megan too soon - Lizzie within a few weeks of Jasmine dying and Megan a couple months ago in anticipation of losing Percy - but I'd be going crazy without them. Last night, I eradicated Percy's cubbyhole in the closet. I picked up the sweaters he'd built his nest with, then I rearranged everything and moved my air conditioner in there. Now there's no cubby space left.

Some things I'm looking forward to this week:

• The Survivor finale tonight. Even though Ozzy's been an egotistical asshole, I kind of want him to win. Besides, he's hung. (If you don't believe me, google. There's a soft porn video out there.)

• My psychiatrist appointment. I like him.

• Jury duty. I could use an extra $30 a day. Although I seriously doubt any lawyer would leave me on a jury. And since the holidays are coming up, I kind of doubt any new trials will be starting.

• Doing some baking for Christmas at my brother's. Fudge, pumpkin bars, and maybe some cookies.

• Josh Krajcik winning X-Factor. At least he should. Watch Jar of Hearts (better than the original) and The Pretender (I want to be at that concert) but mostly At Last (I get the chills every time I hear it).

• I'm a little bit manic so I think I'll get some cleaning done.

• Submitting some poems for publication. On I'm a roll right now with poetry - my group really likes what I've been doing and they're not kiss-asses. The poem I wrote about Percy last week was a big hit. (I'm tempted to post it but I think it has a chance of getting published for real. After it gets rejected enough times, I'll post it.)

• Revising some of my old poems and hopefully writing some new ones.

The picture is Percy and Jasmine a year ago. I knew it would be their last Christmas.

My crazy, stupid love for Steve Carell

2011-12-18T13:56:00.005-06:00

From now on, I will watch everything he's in. I haven't loved - or even liked - every movie he's been in, but the ones I do love make it worth sitting through the bad ones. They even make it worth putting up with all the Netflix fuckery.

Last night I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love and it was all 3 of those things. It was one of the most entertaining movies I've seen all year - really funny, really sad, and really real. The twist at the end was preposterous. A lot of the plot was preposterous. But it's a comedy and the acting was so good and the characters were so lovable - and real - that I didn't mind all the implausible or at least improbable entanglements. I was completely willing to suspend disbelief and didn't resent it when the most implausible twist was revealed. Sometimes it pisses me off when a movie strings me along and then does something really stupid at the end. Not this time.

Carell is such an expert at playing lovable losers that you might think he is one. But he couldn't be a true loser and portray one so well.

Another Carell movie I loved, that apparently no one else did, was Dan in Real Life. It had some similarities to this one with the crazy entanglements and characters who were real. But what do I know? Apparently I'd make a lousy film critic because I still think Larry Crowne is the best new movie I've seen all year. Yes, I love Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts that much.

Okay, I'll admit Crazy, Stupid, Love was a better movie. But it didn't have Julia.

And if anyone's looking for recommendations, here's a list of the best dramas I've seen this year:

Beautiful Boy (parents grieving after their son commits mass murder before killing himself), Win Win (Paul Giamatti as another lovable loser), Nowhere Boy (John Lennon biopic), Barney's Version (Giamatti goes LL again), Biutiful (Bardem is powerful), The Fighter (Christian Bale and Melissa Leo won Oscars), The Rabbit Hole (Kidman reminded me why I used to think she was a great actress), the Mad Men series (great in its own right but worth it just to look at Jon Hamm), and the original Prime Suspect series with Helen Mirren (you can never go wrong with Mirren).

Quote of the day

2011-12-15T13:39:00.004-06:00

"Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills, like how to put soap on their body."

-- Jerry Sandusky's lawyer paints a visual image no one but a NAMBLA sicko wants to see

Facing my own mortality

2011-12-14T02:13:00.006-06:00

I've always believed there's something after death, that the spirit lives on in some form. Most of the time, I believe in reincarnation. But I'm not sure.

Twelve hours ago, Percy was huddled inside my jacket purring while I was paying them to kill him and dispose of his body. Twenty-four hours ago, I was fretting over him, noting every time he drank and every time he threw up. Watching him list to the side as he walked across the dining room. Standing in the doorway in shock as I saw him squat in the litter box and strain to expel three gushes of bloody mucus from his bowels. I could see his belly cramping. That was the moment when I decided I had to do something.

When I left him this afternoon, he was huddled on the table with the vet on one side of him and the tech on the other. They were so gentle with him, and with me. I gave a brief synopsis of why I'd decided it was time and the vet reassured me. Then he asked if I wanted to stay for it. I had planned to, but in that moment I knew I couldn't. I wanted to remember Percy as he was right at that moment, purring while the tech stroked him and gazing up at me with those sad, dark gold eyes. Suddenly, I didn't want to be there to see if he got scared when they gave him the shot, the way that Carolina did fifteen years ago. I practically ran out of the place. I wish I had touched him one more time. I wish I had kissed him and called him Bubba.

Someday - probably in the not too distant future - I will get to where he was. I want somebody to give me something to help me sleep. I don't want them to tell me I won't wake up.

The zombie walks no more

2011-12-13T14:39:00.004-06:00

When we got to the vets' parking lot, I took Percy out of the carrier and tucked him inside my jacket. He huddled down in there and he seemed almost as tiny as he was the first day I brought him home, 15 years ago. He purred and purred and stayed calm when we got inside. I kept him tucked in my jacket until the vet came into the room. I was going to stay till the end but I couldn't. He was very calm when I left him.

Now, I hope he's reunited with Jasmine.

This will be Percy's last night

2011-12-13T04:02:00.004-06:00

He hasn't been able to keep anything down for the last couple of days. Late this afternoon, he starting acting like he just couldn't get comfortable. He'd come in the living room and lie down for a few minutes then he'd go back to the bedroom. Back and forth all night and he's walking like he's in pain. Now, he's passing diarrhea that's nothing but mucus and blood.

The other cats are nervous. They can tell something's wrong. If he's still alive when the vet's office opens in a few hours, I'm going to have him put to sleep. I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this.

Update: The appointment is scheduled for 2:20 this afternoon. I'm on my way to my own doctor's appointment and I'm hoping he'll pass quietly on his own before I get back.

We're ready for our closeup, Mr. DeMille

2011-12-12T02:25:00.002-06:00

I was trying to take a picture of my hair - 14 months post-chemo - but Lizzie reminded me that she's the most photogenic member of the family.

Holiday blues? Seasonal affective disorder?

2011-12-12T01:47:00.004-06:00

I always get really depressed this time of year and start dwelling on the past. Today (Sunday) was the anniversary of when my dad died. It's been 21 years. My mom called tonight. She was rambling and seemed to be down in the dumps. I have a feeling it was because of the anniversary but she never wants to be reminded of anything so I didn't ask.

Percy's in the closet again. He's walking kind of sideways, like his balance is off, and he's been throwing up a lot the last couple of days. He won't eat the hairball treats so I mixed some of the liquid hairball remedy in with his food. He ate about half of it but I don't know if it'll do any good or if that's even the problem.

Megan ate his leftovers and got diarrhea. At least, I hope that's what gave her diarrhea.

It's been more than 3 weeks since I caught this cold and it's getting worse instead of better. My temp is 1-2 degrees higher than normal but not enough to worry about. My ribs ache from coughing so much. I might call the doctor tomorrow to see if she thinks antibiotics would help.

I panicked a little bit when I checked my fasting blood sugar this morning - it was 147 which is really high for me. Then I remembered that being sick can make it go up, so I hope that's all it is. I haven't been taking very good care of myself.

In order to cheer myself up, I'm posting a recent picture of Brad. He's a handsome ray of sunshine in my otherwise dreary life.

Scum(s) of the week

2011-12-08T15:26:00.006-06:00

If I had posted Scum of the Week last Sunday, like I intended, the winner would have been Congressman Steve King of Iowa. The offense that inspires that selection occurred at a congressional hearing where Dems were pushing for the immigration officials to take steps against racial profiling. Steve thinks racial profiling is a good thing - that's why he engaged in it himself by singling out the only immigrant on the panel and questioning why he came to the U.S. and pulled a "papers please," asking the witness for his visa.

But now a new, scummier Scum of the Week has emerged. Rick Perry - the George Wallace of the 21st Century.

Paranoid much?

2011-12-07T14:30:00.005-06:00

Last night I was sitting at my computer and noticed how much cat hair had collected on the keyboard. I picked up an electric bill that was laying on my desk and used it to usher some of the fur from between the keys.

Then I glanced at the bill and noticed it wasn't mine, it was my neighbor's from down the hall. How did that get here? In the first place, I pay my bill online so I never actually open the envelope when it comes and this one was out of the envelope. In the second place, the amount due was way more than my normal bill because the account was about 3 months past due. In the odd event that I did actually open the bill and didn't notice it had my neighbor's name on it, I certainly would've noticed how much it was. Right?

Then I remembered that I was gone for a couple of hours on Monday and my door wouldn't be that difficult to break into and I had left my computer on and the neighbor in question is exactly the kind of guy you'd expect to break into your place. Not only does he have that lazy, glazed-eyes druggie quality about him but sheriff's deputies have knocked on his door at least once that I'm aware of. And last summer, someone spray-painted "child molester" on his car.

At that point, my paranoia was off to the races. He broke into my apartment! He accessed my computer! I have passwords saved on a lot of websites! I have passwords for my bank and credit card sites written down and not too carefully concealed! OMG!

That lasted for a good hour or so, while I googled ways to find out if your computer's been used and changed my passwords for all the sites that have any of my personal info and thought OMG! what if he installed a keystroke logger?

Then I slowed down enough to think, good god, if he was going to take the risk of breaking into my apartment, why would he waste time paying his electric bill online? Wouldn't he be better served by surfing porn? And why wouldn't he steal the $50 I left laying in plain site in the top drawer?

So now I don't really think he broke into my apartment. That doesn't mean I won't still worry about it sometimes.

Even though I do have a vague memory of getting an electric bill that seemed too high and going online to check my balance and figuring they sent the bill before they received my last payment. I may even have noticed that it was someone else's bill and debated whether or not to take it to him. That may have happened. I do have a vayyy-gue memory.

But why waste a good opportunity to milk some paranoia?

Even Percy thinks all my posts about cats are boring

2011-12-03T14:50:00.007-06:00

I've been obsessed with cats all my life but I don't remember ever being this wrapped up in any of them. I should start a separate blog just for posts about my "kids" so people who aren't as cat crazy as I am won't stop reading this one.

I think about Percy and Lizzie and Megan all the time, to the point where it's distracting me from conversations with friends. Even when my writers' group met here this week, I kept watching my cats and worrying about them and thinking how cute they are.

Last night I went to Walmart for pet supplies and household goods. While I was browsing through the Christmas decorations, I had to restrain myself from buying stockings for each of the cats and fill them with goodies. I did get a little windup Santa for them to play with. They were a little baffled by it. Lizzie was the only one brave enough to touch it but even she didn't bat it around or try to attack it the way I expected.

My neighbor across the hall also has 3 cats. She comes over all the time. Our primary topic of conversation is all our cats, past and present. Last night, we were showing each other pictures of our dead cats.

You can click on the picture for a closeup view of what a 15 year old cat's teeth look like. It looks like he's missing some and the ones that are left are pretty grody. That's a word I haven't used since high school. Rhymes with Brody, means slightly grosser than gross.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of Lizzie and Megan on night watch. They spend a lot of time surveying the landscape from the top of the refrigerator. It's not quite the same as sitting on a hilltop in the African savanna waiting for a zebra herd to wander into the picture, but instinct is there.

Boo hoo Drew

2011-12-02T13:39:00.004-06:00

I'm really enjoying the first season of the X-Factor USA, except for 2 things.

First, Nicole Scherzinger is a horrible mentor. It's her fault that Stacy and Leroy got voted off so soon.

Second, the stupid squabbling between the judges--I especially hate how they all seem to be picking fights with Simon, even though his critiques are usually right.

Simon did make one big mistake though, and he admitted it on last night's show after one of his contestants, Drew, got voted off. He said it was his fault because he chose another slow song for her even though all the judges had been saying they wanted to hear her do something different.

I loved Drew in the beginning. Her audition was one of my favorites, right up there with Chris Rene and Josh Krajcik (who deserves to win this thing). I started liking Drew less when she dropped her last name. I started thinking she deserved to be in the bottom 2 about the 3rd week of the competition. It seemed like she only knew how to do one thing - take a song and slow it down and warble-warble-whine. I imagined what a Drew concert would be like. Annoying. A Drew album? Borrr-ing.

Last night, I hated the way she responded when she found out she was in the bottom 4. She said she knew her fans had given her enough votes to put her through. She sounded cocky which is how she's been acting the last few weeks.

When she found out she was in the bottom 3, she started bawling. Not just a few silent tears - which is normal understandable - but rivers of tears accompanied by loud sniffles. Girl, show a little dignity. Have some respect for the audience and the other contestants. If you want to be in show business, you have to learn to deal with rejection. She acted like nobody in her whole life has ever criticized her and she always gets her own way. Even Astro, who was a total brat when he was in the bottom 2 a couple of weeks ago, maintained better composure. He also got booted last night - he had the lowest number of votes and didn't even get a chance to do the sing-off, but he took it like a professional.

When the judges voted her off, she started sobbing. Loud, drawn out, overdramatic sobs. Like a petulant child trying to make people feel sorry for her. Reminded me of a 3 year old I used to know. Then she started spouting off about Jesus and made herself out to be some kind of martyr. At that point, I was sooooo happy she lost. Good riddance.

She's only 14. Talented beyond her years but way too immature to be starting a career. Go home and grow up, Drew. Then you can win back former fans like me.

I didn't know Barbie ever dated Neil Diamond

2011-12-02T13:38:00.002-06:00

Quote of the day

2011-11-29T07:11:00.002-06:00

"It consists half of people who think like Michele Bachmann and half of people who are afraid of losing a primary to people who think like Michele Bachmann and that leaves very little room to work things out."

- Congressman Barney Frank on the Republican majority and his decision to retire

TMI post about poop

2011-11-29T00:12:00.005-06:00

Soon after Megan joined the family, I very happily managed getting all 3 cats to share a litter box. But a couple weeks later, I discovered that Megan had peed on my bed then I caught her in the act of peeing in a box of flea market merchandise. So I set up 2 extra litter boxes near the scenes of the crimes.

That was the end of her peeing outside the box.

But it's funny how cat society works. Litter box #1 is shared by all 3 cats for peeing only. Litter box #2 is shared by Lizzie and Percy for pooping only. Litter box #3 is where Megan poops and Lizzie pees there occasionally.

Lizzie is the dominant cat in the house - that's why she gets to use all 3 boxes, and Megan is low girl on the totem pole, which is why she can't poop in the best box.

While I'm on the subject, I had a moment of extreme joy today. I was babysitting for my friends. Middle child has been working on potty training for awhile. He will pee in the potty but you have to remind him and take him to the bathroom and help him with his pants and lift him onto the toilet. The last time I babysat, he wasn't poop trained yet. But today he pooped in the potty. I said Yay! and clapped and told him how great he was. He was kind of like, lady, what is your problem?

The funniest thing about it - he peed first and I was about to help him get down. Then he suddenly kicked his pants all the way off in a sort of panic. He doesn't talk much so I didn't know what was wrong until he leaned forward and started grunting.

His sister did the same thing when she was his age. Whenever she had to poop, she insisted on taking all her clothes off.

It must be genetic.

Someday these children will be old enough to surf the internet and they'll find my blog and they'll be really mad that I shared such intimate details of their lives. Just be grateful, kids, because I didn't use your names.

Scum of the week

2011-11-27T11:51:00.005-06:00

My friend Moose Briller has two complaints about my blog. 1) I don't post enough naked pictures of men anymore, and 2) I haven't kept up with posting scum of the week every Sunday.

In response to complaint No. 1, I give you ass, ass, ass, and a hot-looking 62 year old guy in a speedo.

In response to complaint No. 2, I give you Kansas Governor Sam "Thin Skin" Brownback. This week, Brownback's staff whined that an 18 year old high school girl had mean-tweeted about him. They reported the incident to the girl's school. As a result, she got called into the principal's office.

The tweet in question? Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot

The principal told her she has to write a letter of apology to Brownback because she hurt his feelings real bad. Brownback's spokeswoman said, “We monitor social media so we can see what Kansans are thinking and saying about the governor and his policies.”

The governor's spokeswoman left off the part about, "so we can censor the critics and tattle on them to the principal."

The 18 year old has received a wave of support from across the country. She hasn't decided whether or not she'll write the letter. A couple of commenters at Talking Points Memo suggested that everyone should put "Brownback" in all of their tweets and Facebook postings:

If the taxpayers of Kansas have to pay for someone to monitor social media for Brownback, let's make sure that person has plenty to look at ...

And maybe it will create some badly needed jobs as more Twitter monitors will be needed.

Brownback is so concerned about getting his feelings hurt, but he doesn't seem concerned about all the women in Kansas who are losing access to essential health care because of his efforts to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood. He signed a law that would prevent PP receiving federal money for cancer screenings, breast exams and birth control for low-income patients. He signed another law that attempted to close all the existing abortion clinics in the state by imposing excessive requirements for exits, bathrooms and lighting that would be too expensive or impractical for the clinics to meet. Federal judges have blocked enforcement but the appeal process is ongoing.

#heblowsalot That's why Gov. Sam Brownback is my choice for Scum of the Week.

Meanwhile, free-speech-loving Americans are teaching Brownback's not-so-media-savvy staff that you don't fuck with Twitter.

My little old man still rules his favorite roost

2011-11-27T11:34:00.005-06:00

One of the rules for my blog used to be when you've got nothing better to say, post a picture of Brad Pitt. My new rule is when I've got nothing better to say, post some pictures of my cats.

It's next to impossible to get a picture of Percival with his eyes open. First, because he sleeps all the time. Second, because the flash makes him blink. This is the best I can do.

The kids "helping" me in the kitchen

2011-11-27T11:22:00.004-06:00

Who needs a kitty condo when you've got cupboards for them to play in?

Caution: Your Butterball might be a terrorist

2011-11-23T18:04:00.004-06:00

In a little-known strike against freedom, yet again, we are being forced into consuming meat slaughtered by means of a torturous method: Islamic slaughter ...

Non-Muslims in America and Europe don’t deserve to have halal turkey forced upon them in this way, without their knowledge or consent. So this Thanksgiving, fight for your freedom. Find a non-halal, non-Butterball turkey to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday. And write to Butterball and request, politely but firmly, that they stop selling only halal turkeys, and make non-halal turkeys available to Americans who still value our freedoms.

- American Thinker thinker Pamela Gellar

No hissing

2011-11-23T16:43:00.005-06:00

Megan made her reentry without a single hiss or growl from Lizzie and Percival. Lizzie was licking her a little too aggressively so I passed out some treats to break it up. Now, Megan's hiding out under the couch resting.

She has to go back in 10 days to have her stitches removed. When the vet told me that, I thought, "Oh no, I never got Lizzie's stitches taken out."

But Lizzie had glue instead of old-fashioned sutures. Different vets with different preferences within the same practice. Go figure.

A couple of quickies:

• Walking through doorways causes forgetting. Seriously. There's new research shows that the brain compartmentalizes memories based on the room you're in and once you walk through the door, the information gets filed away.

• Kim Kardashian's publicist is working overtime. First, US Weekly reports that anonymous sources (i.e. Kim's momager) say that Kris Humphries was "the husband from hell." Now we learn that Kim is serving turkey to homeless people. She should be hocking that massive "engagement" ring and buying homes for homeless people.

I'm so in love with this guy

2011-11-23T01:44:00.000-06:00

Hot trend of the day

2011-11-23T01:17:00.002-06:00

People are posting pepper spray reviews on Amazon. Satire at its best.

Michele Bachmann is a Lyin' Ass Bitch

2011-11-22T10:48:00.004-06:00

Michele Bachmann appeared on Jimmy Fallon last night, apparently unaware that the band was exercising their First Amendment rights when they played her on. The song they used for her entrance was called "Lyin' Ass Bitch." As Rick Perry would say, "Oops."

Yesterday I took Megan to the vet to be spayed and declawed. She won't be home until Wednesday. Lizzie's sad - without Megan here, she doesn't have anybody to molest. Of course, that won't stop her from hissing and growling when Megan comes home.

I need to get a baby sling because Lizzie insists on being on top of me while I'm sitting at my desk. She was very clingy last night. Percy likes his turn now and then and so does Megan. It would work a lot better if I could have my hands free while they're snuggling with me.

My Thanksgiving dinner will be at Perkins with my mom and two of my brothers. I wish I felt better so I could have them here. I'm hungry for a good, homemade meal and I wouldn't mind cooking it. It's just too much work to try to make my apartment presentable.

Spooky

2011-11-17T00:50:00.002-06:00

I've been watching this show "Long Island Medium." It's about a woman who sees dead people. She can't go anywhere without spirits trying to contact her, and the encounters she has seem genuine. She walks up to people and says things that shock them because they're so accurate, and lots of times it's stuff that even their best friends don't know.

One of the things she says is that spirits sometimes show themselves in photos as a spot of light. Look closely at the upper right corner of the photo above. I took several shots of Lizzie and Megan on the couch that day, and this is the only picture that has any kind of spot on it.

Here's the spooky thing. The circle of light is right where Jasmine used to sleep. She's still here.

Jasmine, one year ago

2011-11-17T00:49:00.000-06:00

Aches and pains

2011-11-16T21:55:00.004-06:00

To anyone who is the caretaker of small children, my aching back salutes you. I spent the day with a one year old - who is adorable but teething - and I had his 4-year-old brother and 6-year-old sister after school. The two older ones were acting out. Their dad's away and they miss him like crazy.

There's a reason I never had kids. That really wasn't my choice but I'm not sure I would've survived if I ever had to live with children full time. They're not that cute 24/7. I don't know how parents do it. Especially knowing that most the little bloodsuckers grow up to be ungrateful.

My appointment with the gyn-oncologist went well on Tuesday. It was the first time he really explained what he was looking for and what he saw. I have radiation damage in the vagina but no visual signs of cancer and no lumps or bumps that shouldn't be there.

He wants me to have a chest x-ray, his standard procedure for Stage 3 at one year out. I asked about CT. He said it's not necessary but he leaves it up to patients if they want the reassurance, so I'll be having that done soon. He also told me he no longer does paps for followup. The newest guidelines say it's not necessary and the pap won't find anything that he won't see on exam. He said they often lead to false positives and extra tests and more anxiety.

He said my aches and pains from chemo are probably here to stay at this point. For the next year, I only have to see him every 4 months instead of every 3. I came away feeling really hopeful.

That's a feeling I'm not used to. It won't last.

Not looking forward to 1:45

2011-11-15T11:05:00.002-06:00

I'm posting this morning with the hope that I'll be able to come back tonight and report how silly I was to be so scared. Today is my regular 3-month followup and the anxiety is eating me alive. I'll have a good-looking guy's hand up my yoohoo around 1:45 this afternoon. But not in a fun way.

December 16th will be one year since I finished treatment. My gyn-onc has told me that if I have a recurrence it will most likely happen in the first 2 years after finishing treatment. All along, I've felt like if there was any cancer left in there, it would've been knocked back by all the treatment and probably wouldn't show up the first year. The second year is when I feel like I really have to worry.

I'm also supposed to get my first post-op, post-treatment CT scan soon. Today, they'll probably set up the appt. Im not sure I want to know if anything's going on in there. Lizzie is 11 months old now and Megan is 7 months. They love each other so much and I keep thinking they're going to be great companions well into their old age. But I also keep thinking I'm not going to be here to see them grow old.

It's a 2 hr drive to gyn-onc's. My mom's going with me, so I'll be listening to her problems all the way there and back. She doesn't have much time to listen to anything I have to say.

Last night I had a dream where someone stole Lizzie from me and I kept looking for her, hoping she'd find her way back home. I think I have more anxiety about losing my cats than anything else. My greatest fear is that I'll become incapacitated and have to go to a nursing home and I won't be able to take them with me.

Oops.

2011-11-11T18:04:00.000-06:00

Herman Cain loves when people talk about Herman Cain

2011-11-10T12:05:00.006-06:00

Therefore, Herman Cain loves Mike Tyson's portrayal of Herman Cain. However Herman Cain knows Herman Cain has a better singing voice. Also, Herman Cain would like to remind you that Herman Cain did not sexually harass those slutty liars who were too haughty to give Herman Cain a blow job. Did that lady really think Herman Cain would hire her before Herman Cain took her for a test drive? Herman Cain wasn't born in Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan. Herman Cain is not anybody's fool.

Herman Cain says, “For every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably thousands who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain."

Herman Cain is running for president, y'all. Herman Cain does not have time to harass everybody.

Paid for by the Herman Cain Committee to Elect Herman Cain. Herman Cain did not approve this message about Herman Cain.

Herman Cain Sings 'Imagine There's No Pizza' from Mike Tyson

I owe Megan an apology

2011-11-09T12:15:00.004-06:00

She's in heat again and she's miserable. It's worse this time than the first - which is normal.

I should have insisted on getting her spayed last week. I never should've let that vet get away with telling me she couldn't possibly be in heat so young - I should've asked to talk to the other vet, my actual vet, who had already acknowledged that we didn't know her real age.

I'm shoulding all over myself. Anyway, I'm mad. And I'm tired of listening to my poor baby's moaning and yowling.

Percy has been a bad, bad kitty

2011-11-08T16:27:00.005-06:00

Percival has a secret hideout in the back of my closet where he goes when the other cats get to be too much for him or he wants to take an undisturbed nap. I was cool with that, until today when I noticed a bunch of empty hangers and saw that he had pulled some clothes off the hangers and used them to make a little nest for himself. Naughty naughty.

The good news is that when I climbed back in there to pick them up, I found some winter clothes I forgot I even had.

Harold the finch has a death wish. After I cleaned the cages yesterday, I realized there was only one bird in a cage where there was supposed to be two. It didn't surprise me that he escaped. What surprised me was that the cats hadn't noticed.

But they had. All 3 of them were in the bedroom staring at the top of my bookshelves, tails twitching, trying to figure out how to get up there. I have a net but I couldn't catch him. He kept flying back and forth across the room from the bookshelf to the curtain rod. When he wore himself out, he swooped a little too low and Megan leaped onto the bed and snatched him out of the air.

I thought he was a goner but she just had him trapped between her paws. He got away when I pulled her off him. I had to lock Megan and Lizzie in the bathroom. (Percy's too slow to be much of a threat.) Harold would not sit still long enough for me to catch him. I got so frustrated I was thinking about letting the girls have at him. Finally, he was worn out enough and I managed to get him back where he belonged.

This afternoon, Megan got her final shots. The vet revised her age upward again. Previous estimates would put her at 5-6 months but now he says she's 7 months, judging by her teeth. He says she's just going to be a petite kitty.

I didn't say anything about the whole "she's too young to be in heat" lecture I got from his female associate, but he must have known something about it. He said he was putting a note in her chart with her revised age "so you won't have any more trouble."

Her surgery is now scheduled for the 21st. Can't do it any sooner because, guess what, she's coming in heat again.

The picture is Percy staring at the top of the bookshelves on a previous occasion when one of the finches flew up there.

I shouldn't read TPM first thing in the morning

2011-11-08T10:13:00.005-06:00

I've been flying high over the news that Conrad Murray was convicted for killing Michael Jackson and the judge ordered his ass to get carted off to jail. Yes, my life is that empty.

Then I clicked on over to Talking Points Memo this morning. The top headline was "Heading for Super Catastrophe." The Congressional Super Committee that's supposed to fix the deficit (i.e. give Obama and Congress cover for not fixing the deficit) is at a deadlock because Republicans won't raise taxes on billionaires and Democrats are standing up for everyone else.

One half of the catastrophe is that Medicare cuts will kick in automatically. Providers - like the cancer center and my gyn-oncologist - will have their reimbursements drastically reduced. Hopefully, the doctors I'm already seeing won't drop me (although there's no guarantee of that). But other people on Medicare and those on Medicaid will have a harder time getting health care.

In other words, Republicans are so afraid the CEOs of Exxon and GE and the bankers on Wall Street might not be able to shuttle from private jets to vacation homes on gold-leafed private helicopters that they don't care if Grandma can't get that bypass surgery she needs.

Remember those death panels they warned you about? Grover Norquist sits at the head of that table.

As if all that wasn't depressing enough, TPM also reported on Mississippi's "Personhood Initiative," which says that an embryo in a petrie dish has the same rights as a corporation. If it passes, using an IUD or taking a morning after pill will be the legal equivalent of regulating Wall Street bankers. Or something like that.

Speaking of depressing, the Republican party of Maine told people that same-day voter registration is evil because gays and lesbians are for it.

Also, Herman Cain admitted that his wife has been brainwashed. That must be why she's still married to him even though he goes around pushing other women's faces into his crotch.

What happens when bullies write a law against bullying

2011-11-04T12:14:00.007-05:00

[The Michigan anti-bullying bill] does not prohibit a statement of a sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction of a school employee, school volunteer, pupil, or a pupil’s parent or guardian.

- the Michigan Republican Senate's amendment to SB 137 "Matt’s Safe School Law"

I am ashamed that this could be Michigan’s bill on anti-bullying when in fact it is a ‘bullying is OK in Michigan law."

- Kevin Epling, the father of 14 year-old Mark Epling who committed suicide after being bullied at school

source more info

I have nothing interesting to say

2011-11-04T00:53:00.002-05:00

Not that it's ever stopped me before. I've been wrapped up in the Conrad Murray trial. Closing arguments ended on Thursday, so now I can get back to normal life.

Now, here's the video of the day. Don't watch this unless you want to cringe. Background story can be found here.

That's also what Michael Jackson grew up with and we know where he ended up.

Grieving the loss of my uterus

2011-10-29T14:29:00.005-05:00

Before my hysterectomy, going on two years ago, I had been suffering from heavy, incapacitating bleeding for a few years. I went home from surgery with a clean bill of health. It was such a relief to know I'd never have to bleed like that again.

Five days later, the gyn called to tell me I had cancer and that whole relief thing flew right out the window. I finished treatment last December and at some point after that - maybe a month ago? - I remembered what a relief it was not to be bleeding all the time.

This morning I had a dream where I was moving out of a house on short notice - there was a grass fire headed toward me - and trying to decide what to take with me. I can't remember many details from the dream, such as what I took. What I do remember is looking back at my maxipads and feeling sad that I couldn't take them with me because I didn't need them anymore.

Possibly the weirdest dream I've had all year.

I'm giddy with delight

2011-10-29T14:07:00.003-05:00

This has absolutely no importance in the world and has absolutely nothing to do with me, but I just watched a video of Michael Lohan getting reamed by a judge and it made me smile so big. Check it out. And if you enjoyed that, check out this other video of Michael Lohan getting reamed out by another judge a couple days ago.

Couldn't happen to a stupider guy.

This will disturb but I found it touching

2011-10-28T23:38:00.003-05:00

I remember reading somewhere - I'm sure more than one place - that back in the old days, childhood mortality was so common that people didn't really get attached to their children when they were little and didn't grieve as much as parents would today. These photos are from the Victorian era. The parents of these children died more than a hundred years ago but their grief was captured for all eternity.

Auto-refresh pisses me off

2011-10-28T21:27:00.004-05:00

Huffington Post really pisses me off. For lots of reasons but right now the biggest one is the way they auto-refresh their front page. They refresh it so often that I can't even skim through to the bottom of the page before it refreshes. I'll spot a headline for a story I want to read and before I can even click on it, the page refreshes and it disappears.

I'm not sure everybody understands why websites auto-refresh like that. It artificially pumps up their page views so they can charge more for ads. Even liberals succumb to corporate greed.

While I was over at Huff Po grumbling, I ran across this story:

A few weeks ago, a feminist blogger tweeted a photo of a TSA notice she found in her suitcase. It was the standard advisory that they had searched her bag but there was a handwritten note added by the screener. It said, "Get your freak on, girl!" apparently referring to a sex toy the blogger had packed. On Friday, TSA announced that the baggage screener will be fired. The blogger thinks the worker is just a scapegoat. She said,

"The problem with the note is that it's representative of the bigger privacy intrusions that the U.S. government, through the TSA and other sources, levels every day."

I agree.

Time to get a new vet

2011-10-28T12:28:00.004-05:00

Last week, I made 2 separate trips to the vet. Monday with Megan to get her shots and Friday with Lizzie because of her mouth sores (herpes, ack). They have a big sign saying they give discounts for multi-pet households, so I asked about it. They said the discount is for 3 or more pets.

I've taken 4 cats to see them in the last 12 months. Jasmine was there is December for anal gland infection - I paid for expression and antibiotics, plus an x-ray to confirm that her belly lumps were cancer. Percy was there around February for an exam and to renew his Rx which I also buy from them. Lizzie was there in March for shots, in June for spay and declaw, and in October for mouth sores. Megan's been there in September for respiratory infection and October for shots. She's scheduled to go back next week for shots and later in November for spay and declaw and final shots.

You'd think I'd be eligible for the discount, right? Nope. Because Jasmine and Percy didn't get shots. They didn't get shots because THE VETS didn't want to give them because they were SICK! I spent more money on them than I would have if they were healthy and all they needed was shots. But no, that's not good enough.

I was already pissed off about that. Then today I called to report that Megan was in heat and I asked if she could be spayed sooner. They said she couldn't possibly be in heat and I should bring her in for an exam and lab work.

I've been around cats my entire life. I've seen sick cats, I've seen cats with UT infections, I've seen cats in heat. I can tell the difference. In light of the fact she peed out of the box, I'm willing to concede it's possible she has a bladder infection.

But to tell me she couldn't possibly be in heat? Every vet site I've checked online says they can have their first heat as early as 4 months. It's unusual but it could happen. We don't know her true age. Based on size and development, on Sept 19 the vet estimated her age at 10-11 weeks which would make her about 15-16 weeks now. When I took her back last week, she had grown so much that he said she might be more like 16-18 weeks which would make her 17-19 weeks now. Old enough to possibly be in heat.

Last March when Percy was very sick, I called them to ask if there was anything they could do. They wanted me to bring him in to be put down. I said I wanted to give him another day. They tried to pressure me to bring him in, giving me this big lecture on letting him die with dignity. I don't agree that shoving him in a crate and hauling him there is "dignity" but oh well.

I decided to give him another chance and the next day, he started getting better. Since then, he's had a couple more episodes where I thought he was at death's door and he bounced back. In the 7 months since the vet pressured me to put him to sleep, he's had maybe 3-4 weeks when he was really sick. The rest of the time, he's been happy, active and affectionate and enjoying the company of Lizzie and Megan.

Between the way they pressured me to kill him, the fact that they won't give me the multi-pet discount and now treating me like I'm stupid for thinking Megan was in heat, I'm done.

Here are the kids taking turns in the most coveted nap spot in the house:

Someone peed on my bed

2011-10-27T23:42:00.004-05:00

... and this time it wasn't me. Early Wednesday morning, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I went back to bed and lay down, whoop-tee-doo, what do you know, it was wet and very stinky.

Megan has been in heat this week. She's young to be starting that but not too young. The urine had a stronger smell than normal so I was 99% sure she was the one who did it. Tonight I caught her in the act peeing in a box full of flea market merchandise. Now I'm nervous, wondering where else she might be going that I haven't found yet.

She's been wandering around day and night yowling and rubbing herself in everyone's face. She and Lizzie always play fight but the last couple days, Lizzie wasn't playing anymore. She's been way too rough to the point where Megan was crying and whimpering and Lizzie wouldn't let her up. Yelling at Lizzie would just motivate her to pick on Megan some more, so I've been distracting her. She'll come to me when I say "Elizabeth" in just the right tone and I give her a treat for coming.

Between the stress of being in heat and getting beat up by Lizzie, it's no wonder Megan's acting out. Tonight I set up extra litter boxes right next to the places where she's been peeing. Fingers crossed that will solve the problem.

The vet didn't want to spay Megan for at least another month but I'm going to call tomorrow to see if he'll do it sooner.

Quote of the day

2011-10-27T20:48:00.004-05:00

If ignorance ever goes to $100 a barrel, you want to get the drilling rights on Perry's head.

- Jim Hightower, while discussing Rick Perry's ties to big oil

This picture makes me happy

2011-10-27T18:57:00.003-05:00

Elton John, David Furnish and their son Zachary. The baby looks so much like Elton - he'll probably be bald by the time he's 30.

The Bozos get their comeuppance

2011-10-24T21:38:00.004-05:00

Netflix has lost 800,000 subscribers in the last 3 months. I wonder how many more, like me, cut back service. I'm paying them $4 less a month. Multiply that by a couple hundred thousand.

A letter to investors says, "We greatly upset many domestic Netflix members with our significant DVD-related pricing changes, and to a lesser degree, with the proposed-and-now-cancelled rebranding of our DVD service. In doing so, we've hurt our hard-earned reputation and stalled our domestic growth."

Duh.

Their stock price has dropped to 100. It was 324 in June, before they fucked up.

On Saturday, I called customer service because I was still having trouble accessing my account on their website. It would only let me see streaming movie selections even though I only subscribe to DVDs. The customer service guy said they've been having glitches with the site but they'd get it fixed right away. I said it's a strange coincidence that my problem started immediately after I called them a couple days earlier. He said he'd send me an extra DVD for my trouble. My account access was repaired later that night.

Seems like maybe they realize it's time to start kissing customer ass.

Quote of the day

2011-10-23T14:55:00.003-05:00

I remember having a similar reaction to images of Saddam Hussein after his capture: how banal the whole situation seems, how reductionist, how one man is ultimately too small and fragile to be the receptacle for all the retributive anger and violence he himself has unleashed.

Ultimately it challenges our sense of what it means to do justice. A summary execution isn't very satisfying, but neither is execution after due process in a case like this. Like the hole he left in the ground in Lockerbie, there is just a chasm of injustice too deep to be filled.

-TPM editor Josh Marshall, on the capture and execution of Qaddafi

Scum of the week

2011-10-23T14:19:00.004-05:00

I haven't been keeping up with choosing a SOTW but I've tried to avoid reading about the really shitty things going on in the world. So this week I'm going to name a few:

• Hospital administrators who cut staff back to the point where it creates a dangerous situation for patients. Exhibit A.

• Legislators, primarily Republicans, who cut back funding for hospitals and doctors, which forces hospital administrators to make really bad decisions. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. For Exhibit C, scroll down to my post titled "Insanity."

• Rick Perry, always. This week, for having his head up Donald Trump's ass. Shortly after meeting with Trump, Perry's gone Birther. Plus, have you ever noticed that Perry stands with his legs kind of bowed. It makes me wonder if he's got some kind of problem like this?

• Lindsey Graham and every other Republican who's trying to make political gains off the war in Iraq. This week, Obama announced that American troops will be leaving Iraq by the end of the year, in accordance with previous agreements Bush made with Iraqis. Obama is fulfilling one of his own campaign promises and respecting the will of the American people. Apparently, that counts as a failure.

• Mitch McConnell and every other Republican who thinks millionaires shouldn't pay their fair share of taxes, even if it costs the lives and livelihoods of millions of Americans. He says it's not his job to keep firefighters, paramedics and policemen on the streets. And to hell with all those teachers and the kids won't have the skills necessary to do all those jobs that don't exist anyway.

I have to stop now because I'm getting too pissed off.

Lizzie has herpes

2011-10-22T15:43:00.006-05:00

Ever since I adopted Lizzie, she's been getting little swellings on her lower lip. It's happened maybe 4 times in the last 7 months. Usually they only last a few days and don't seem to bother her that much.

She got one this week and it was bigger than the others. Then she started getting another one on her upper lip, and both of them were a little crusty. She seemed to be in pain so I finally called the vet on Friday and took her in. It's herpes.

The vet says she probably had it before she got her first shots, and when they start so young, their bodies accept them as if they're normal. Just like with people, she'll be more likely to develop a sore when she's under stress.

The first one happened right after I got her when she was trying to adjust to a new home, and she got one right after she was spayed. The latest one came along soon after the new kitten joined us and Lizzie caught a respiratory infection from her. I don't foresee any more stresses for her in the next few months, so maybe this will be the last breakout for awhile.

Now she has to take lysine supplements to boost her immune system, a powder to sprinkle on her food. Apparently she likes the taste because she gobbles it right down. The vet said it only works for some cats.

The picture was taken shortly after we came back from the vet. You'd think she wouldn't want to go anywhere near the carrier but it's one of her favorite places to sleep.

I don't know what I'd do without my credit card.

Insanity

2011-10-20T23:10:00.004-05:00

I had a really good conversation with my psychiatrist on Thursday. He was telling me about the current state of mental health care in Iowa. I knew it was bad but it's worse than I thought.

Because the budgets have been cut back so severely, most of the hospitals throughout Iowa no longer provide inpatient psychiatric care and those that do have drastically cut back on the number of beds. Sioux City's two hospitals now have the most psychiatric beds anywhere in the state. When mental patients in Des Moines or anywhere else need to be hospitalized, they get sent to Sioux City.

Iowa Medicaid won't pay for psych inpatient treatment out of state. When someone in Dubuque needs to be admitted, instead of going across the river to a hospital in Illinois they get sent to Sioux City. Medicaid pays for an ambulance to transfer them - and it's an 8-hour ride. The patient's not getting any kind of therapy during that time.

Ten years ago when I needed an ambulance, it cost more than $200 to go a few blocks. I can only imagine what it costs to transport someone more than 300 miles. Another problem is that the reimbursement for psychiatrists is so low that there are only two in Sioux City who will see patients at the hospital. So two guys are treating the bulk of the most critically ill mental patients for the entire state.

The bureaucrats and legsilators who are make these funding decisions are crazier than any mental patient I've ever met.

Memo to the bozos running Netflix

2011-10-20T18:26:00.004-05:00

You're not doing yourself any favors. Because of your bungling, I cut back on my Netflix subscription - switching to DVD only, which means you're losing money every month. That probably doesn't matter to you but I'm one of thousands who are cutting back or cancelling altogether.

Today, I went to netflix.com looking for a movie I'd like to see. You don't have it on DVD. I want to see it bad enough that I would subscribe to streaming again if I had to. But your website wouldn't allow me to search for what's available on streaming.

I checked the help pages and FAQ. Then I called customer service. The woman who took my call said she was having the same problem and hoped you guys would fix it but she didn't know if that would ever happen.

A couple hours later, I found a list of other movies I'd like to see. I went back to netflix.com to see if you have them on DVD.

This time, the page that came up was for streaming only. My old streaming queue - which you deleted when I cancelled streaming - has been restored. Now my DVD queue is gone and I can no longer search for DVDs.

I thought if I accessed the website anonymously I might have the option of choosing DVD or streaming. When I tried to log out, I got an error page. I even closed my browser and tried the site again. I'm still logged in. Still have access to streaming only even though I don't subscribe to streaming.

I hear Blockbuster has a free 30 day trial for online DVD rentals. They're moving into the streaming business too. Hulu streams movies for free. Then there's Amazon. Hell, I could just go back to watching Turner Classic Movies and AMC.

I used to love you guys so much that I keep giving you another chance. Quit fucking with me, will you?

Percy's not the only cat zombie around

2011-10-19T00:26:00.006-05:00

There's a cat in Utah that survived two attempts at euthanasia. The shelter was using a gas chamber. The first time, they saw she was alive and put her in the chamber again. The second time, she appeared dead so they put her in the freezer with all the other dead kitties. Then she started meowing. She's been transferred to another shelter that's trying to find her a home.

Today I took Megan to the vet for shots. He was shocked by how much she's grown in the last 4 weeks. He thinks she's older than he originally estimated. She had spent a couple of weeks in the shelter before I brought her home and who knows what happened to her before that. The vet says her growth must have been stunted but she's doing great now. No fleas, no mites, the virus is cleared up, healthy coat, shiny eyes, a very happy little kitty.

When I first adopted Lizzie, she was so mischievous, climbing and jumping and shredding and spilling and getting into everything. She drove me nuts. I thought it was just because I wasn't used to having a kitten around. Megan is so calm and well-behaved compared to how Lizzie was at that age. Lizzie's settled down a lot, but they both get into trouble sometimes. The two of them together aren't causing half the aggravation that Lizzie caused by herself.

Percy is doing great. The vet was surprised to hear he's still alive.

I don't talk about it much but I've been feeling really scared. Soon after I found out my endo cancer was Stage 3a, I found statistics that said I only have a 50% chance of surviving five years. That was more than a year ago, so now I keep thinking I could be dead in four years.

The other night, Lizzie and Megan were curled up on the couch together and I wondered what will happen to them when I die. I don't think I'm going to live long enough to see them get old.

I also worry a lot about becoming debilitated. My knees and ankles and wrists and fingers are hurting from arthritis, a long-term side effect of chemo. I'm afraid I'll have to move because it's getting painful to go up and down the steps. If the cancer recurs and I get really sick, I don't have anyone to take care of me. I might end up in a nursing home. What happens to my cats then?

All of this anxiety about death - Percy's and my own - is what's been causing me to overeat. I don't know what to do about it, short of taking the Ativan my psychiatrist prescribed. That's a bad habit I don't want to get into.

Schmoozing

2011-10-18T11:27:00.009-05:00

The picture is from an awards show that's nothing but another photo op for attention whores. The chick in blue is Nicole Richie and I have no idea who the other two are. Observe the body language. Have you ever seen three people who looked any phonier?

Speaking of Hollywood phonies, an unnamed actress of Asian descent with an Americanized name who lives in Texas (that ought to narrow it down) is suing Amazon.com for publishing her real age on their IMDB site. The filing says:

If one is perceived to be `over-the-hill,' i.e., approaching 40, it is nearly impossible for an up-and-coming actress, such as the plaintiff, to get work as she is thought to have less of an `upside,' therefore, casting directors, producers, directors, agents-manager, etc. do not give her the same opportunities, regardless of her appearance or talent.

Not only is she too old to play an ingenue, the lawsuit claims she's also too pretty and "youthful" to play a 40 year old. She must not have that much faith in her potential earnings since she's only asking for $75,000 in compensatory damages. And $1,000,000 for punitive.

That's right. She wants to punish IMDB because they told the truth.

In other pressing news, I've been watching The Sing Off on Monday nights. It's Glee for grownups, without the drama. Unfortunately, it's not as good as it was last year. But last night NBC ran an episode of Prime Suspect right afterwards. Me likey. It's Maria Bello in an adaptation of the old British series that starred Helen Mirren.

The commercials for the new Prime Suspect were so stupid that I hadn't bothered watching, Plus, I have a policy of not watching any new drama series because they usually get cancelled after a few weeks. (Exactly what happened to The Playboy Club, which was replaced by Prime Suspect.) The commercials did prompt me to order the original series from Netflix though. I loved it way back when but had never seen the first few seasons. Now I'm up to Season 4 and thoroughly enjoying it.

Last night, it shocked the hell out of me to find out that the new American version is actually pretty good. I'll be watching it again.

If Javier Bardem and Joe Cocker had a baby

2011-10-18T01:27:00.003-05:00

This is my newest crush, X-Factor contestant Josh Krajcik. I think he's got Javier Bardem's face mixed with Joe Cocker's voice and a touch of Bob Seger thrown in. If he gets cut on Tuesday night, I'll die.

Well, not literally. But I want to see him a little less greasy with a decent shirt and I want to keep hearing him sing.

He's still not dead

2011-10-17T21:15:00.004-05:00

Nothing makes me happier than having Percy follow me around in the morning, waiting to be fed. He's rapidly gaining back some of the weight he lost. And everybody's getting along very well.

My apartment is a mess. Bird seed and cat fur scattered everywhere. I've had the windows open the last couple of weeks so dust has been blowing in off the parking lot. My curtains, rugs and bedding are in desperate need of washing. But the bird cages, the litter box get cleaned every day and the garbage gets carried out before it stinks. I don't have quite enough pets or junk or filth to be on Hoarders, but I'm getting there.

They turned the heat on today, which I'm not thrilled about. And this is about as exciting as my life gets.

Quote of the day

2011-10-16T11:40:00.002-05:00

when i found out that jamey rodemeyer killed himself - i felt deeply troubled. but when i found out that jamey rodemeyer had made an it gets better video only months before taking his own life - i felt indescribable despair. i also made an it gets better video last year - in the wake of the senseless and tragic gay teen suicides that were sweeping the nation at the time. but in light of jamey's death - it became clear to me in an instant that living a gay life without publicly acknowledging it - is simply not enough to make any significant contribution to the immense work that lies ahead on the road to complete equality.

our society needs to recognize the unstoppable momentum toward unequivocal civil equality for every gay lesbian bisexual and transgendered citizen of this country. gay kids need to stop killing themselves because they are made to feel worthless by cruel and relentless bullying. parents need to teach their children principles of respect and acceptance. we are witnessing an enormous shift of collective consciousness throughout the world. we are at the precipice of great transformation within our culture and government.

i believe in the power of intention to change the landscape of our society - and it is my intention to live an authentic life of compassion and integrity and action. jamey rodemeyer's life changed mine. and while his death only makes me wish that i had done this sooner - i am eternally grateful to him for being the catalyst for change within me.

now i can only hope to serve as the same catalyst for even one other person in this world. that - i believe - is all that we can ask of ourselves and of each other.

- actor Zachary Quinto on his decision to come out

Beck: Cultural Learnings of America

2011-10-13T02:35:00.004-05:00

Last week, I was begging Percy to eat. Now he's begging me for treats. He's starting to gain some of the weight back but he's walking kind of funny, like his balance is off. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Glenn Beck is starting his own clothing line. You have to check out the promo video below. I never can decide if he's totally psychotic or if he's just pulling a Borat.

Quote of the day

2011-10-12T02:34:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately in the Catholic system, someone who's a bishop, who has no medical qualifications whatsoever, can dictate what a hospital does. And bishops have a mindset that's absolutely obsessed with sexual and reproductive health, especially on the issue of abortion, so the Diocese is throwing everything into backing this.

- the president of Catholics for Choice on the Protect Life Act, which will permit hospitals to refuse to do abortions even in cases where the mother will die without one

Wally Cox testified today

2011-10-11T14:48:00.003-05:00

I've been watching the Conrad Murray trial for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson. TMZ has it on a live stream. Sooner or later, I'm going to write a more detailed post about it.

Today Dr. Rogers, the coroner who did MJ's autopsy, is testifying. As soon as he started talking, I had a '60s flashback. Remember Wally Cox? I loved him when he was on Hollywood Squares. Here's a clip. Wally's at about 1:55.

Looks, mannerisms, voice - Dr. Christopher Rogers is Wally Cox.

Here's another detail: Just now when I went to TMZ to find the links I wanted, they've got the autopsy photo plastered right at the top of the page. It breaks my heart to know that picture is going to be on the internet forever. Sooner or later, his kids are going to see it.

It's alive. Still.

2011-10-10T15:15:00.003-05:00

The title might sound like I'm not happy about the latest development in Percy's journey to the great beyond. But I am.

Last night, he came to bed with me and stayed there most of the night. It's been years since he's done that. Usually, he only jumps up for a cuddle and leaves as soon as I roll over. He hasn't even come for a cuddle the last several days. But last night, he was Mr. Lovey Dovey.

This morning, he came running when I opened a can of food for the other cats. He hasn't done that for more than a week. I gave him some and he ate it. He had been eating nothing but watered-down baby food.

Today he's running around, jumping up on my desk, licking the other cats. He seriously considered running after the ball Lizzie and Megan were chasing. He's just fur and protruding bones but I'm no longer beating myself up for not having him euthanized. Seeing him happy - even if it's only for today - makes me feel like I did the right thing.

Netflix is being run by monkeys

2011-10-10T14:04:00.006-05:00

Not chimpanzees but those little monkeys that scamper and squeal all over the place, flinging poop at the people who feed them. Chimps are smarter than the average Netflix executive, including CEO Reed Hastings.

It all started with the glib way they announced their price increase in July. (Hey, everybody, we're raising our prices because we love you so much and we're so successful we don't care if we piss you off.) I was going to quote the actual post Reed made on his blog but they've deleted it along with the thousands of angry comments from subscribers. Gee, wonder why?

Then in September, the same month the price increase took effect, they announced they were splitting their DVD and streaming services into separate websites. The streaming business would keep the Netflix name and the DVD division would be called Qwikster.

Splitting the service meant customers who used both services (like I did before the price increase) would have to visit separate websites, set up 2 separate accounts, tab back and forth between the sites and search twice to find out which movies were available in which format, and manage separate lists of which movies they've seen and how they rated them (which is how Netflix decides which movies to recommend to individual users).

If I had kept both streaming and DVDs, my Netflix bill would've gone up about $8 a month. Instead, I dropped streaming and my bill went down $5. Not sure how they expected to make a profit on deals like that. As I posted in the comments on Reed's blog, the decision to split the two services made it easier for me to shop around for better prices elsewhere.

Today head-monkey-in-charge Reed announced that Qwikster bit the dust before it even launched. Meanwhile, they've already lost thousands of once-loyal customers and their stock price has plunged.

So how big do you think Reed Hastings' severance package will be? Will it be enough to buy some straws to go with his orange soda?

The cat that would not die

2011-10-08T12:56:00.004-05:00

Percy was doing great for several days - eating well, socializing, even playing a little. Then he suddenly stopped eating on Thursday and started hiding in the closet. Overnight, he went from looking like he was gaining weight to being the skinniest he's ever been. I really expected to find him dead Friday morning - or Friday afternoon - or Friday night.

About 5:00 this morning, I got up to go to the bathroom. He was laying on the floor in the middle of my bedroom, loosely curled into a C-shape instead of his normal tight little tucked position. Exactly the way I found Jasmine when she died. Percy didn't seem to be breathing. I walked over to him then stepped around him - no response. So I took care of my personal business then waited a few minutes to prepare myself and make a plan about what I would do with his body.

When I went back to the bedroom, he raised his head a little. Maybe he was too weak to stand. I knelt beside him and petted him. He purred a little then he got up and walked back into the closet.

I love this cat more than I could ever put in words but this process is taking a toll on me. I need to have it over with.

The humane society will euthanize pets but you just have to drop them off - I can't stay with him while it's done, and he'll probably be kept in a cage for awhile before they give him the shot. Is he suffering enough to justify putting him through that? Would he be better off?

If euthanasia is so humane, why won't they let you do it to grandma? People have the ability to express their wishes before they get into that state. Pets can't. Every member of my family has said they don't want to be kept alive when there's no hope. I wouldn't hesitate to have them put to sleep but that's not an option for humans.

I really don't know what to do.

Quote of the day

2011-10-06T00:06:00.000-05:00

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

- Steve Jobs

I screwed up my camera settings

2011-10-04T18:01:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure how I did it but for the last month or so, most of my pictures have turned out fuzzy.

Megan is fuzzy enough - she doesn't need special effects.

Phucking Phishers

2011-10-04T17:52:00.002-05:00

I just got a strange phone call. It was from a restricted number and a recorded voice said it was from my real bank's name. It said that for my own protection my card had been locked out. Then it told me to press 1 if I wanted to fix it. So I pressed 1. It asked me to enter my card number. I entered the first 3 digits then I thought, "WTF? Why would my card be blocked?"

So I hung up, checked my account online - all the money's still there. Then I called the actual customer service line. The "security alert" was fake.

Whew. That could've been a big mess if I hadn't thought twice.

Beef flavored baby food

2011-10-04T02:21:00.005-05:00

Percy gobbles it right up. If anyone reading this ever has a sick cat with a poor appetite, baby food is the way to go. Percy prefers beef but he'll eat chicken too. The problem is it's more expensive than Fancy Feast (which he won't eat) and Lizzie and Megan like it too. If I don't give them some, they get jealous and pick on Percy.

The pictures below show bath time for Lizzie and Megan. Lizzie has been attacking Megan's ears with her tongue - and she's managed to get rid of Megan's ear mites.

Life is cheap

2011-10-03T00:09:00.004-05:00

I just noticed that I hadn't posted in 5 days. Not like me but I really didn't have that much to say. I'm burned out on politics at the moment. The roofers have been waking me up at 7:30 every morning for the last week - even this weekend. Percy is doing better. He's socializing more and his appetite is coming back. He's hardly more than a skeleton with fur but if he keeps eating he'll put some weight back on.

I spent part of last week watching the Conrad Murray trial live on TMZ. That's the guy who killed Michael Jackson - or helped MJ kill himself.

The testimony on Friday showed just how sad this whole situation was. Murray was giving MJ propofol, which should only be given under close supervision. Resuscitation equipment should be standing by. There wasn't any.

Murray claims he only left the room for 2 minutes, which is 2 minutes longer than he should have left. But if he was only gone 2 minutes then found that MJ had stopped breathing, he would've called 911 right away and might very well have been able to keep him going with CPR until they got there.

But he didn't call 911. By his own statements and by phone records, he waited at least 15-20 minutes before he told someone else to call 911. It only took the paramedics 4 minutes to get there. They said MJ was already cool to the touch.

What Friday's testimony showed is that MJ would still be alive if Murray had purchased a pulse-oximeter with an alarm on it, which only costs $250. If Murray was in the adjacent bathroom as he claims, the alarm would have alerted him that MJ stopped breathing. MJ could have been saved.

$250. Michael Jackson probably spent more than that for the pajamas he died in.

Scum of the week

2011-10-03T00:06:00.003-05:00

This week's Scum of the Week is The Koch Brothers. Here's one of many reasons why.

I like Ron Paul but I don't "like him" like him

2011-09-27T11:10:00.006-05:00

Ron Paul was on Jon Stewart last night. I seriously like this guy - he's one of the very few straight shooters ever elected to Congress. He always makes just enough sense to draw me in before he starts the crazy talk. Last night, they didn't really get into the crazy talk. I can see people who don't follow politics that closely thinking, "Hey, I'd vote for that guy."

Of course, most of those people don't watch Jon Stewart.

This morning when I got up, Percy came to meet me. I discovered that he eats more if I pick him up and pet him before I feed him. Got him all taken care of, but where the hell were Megan and Lizzie?

I took my air conditioner out of the window last night but I didn't remove the wooden blocks so I can't shut the window completely. There's about a 4" x 4" gap - just enough room for an enterprising little kitty like Megan to squeeze through and fall three stories. I had it blocked with scrunched up groceries bags but she could've pushed her way through. Whew - the bags were still in place.

It took a lot of coaxing and opening a can of food before they both crawled out from under the couch. Then there was a loud crash and they both dived under it again. Mystery solved.

There are roofers on the building next door, prying the shingles off and tossing them into a big dumpster right under my window. That's the whole reason I took the AC out. The young cats are terrified. Percy is amused by their terror.

Lizzie's eyes are better today after the eye drops I gave her yesterday. Fingers crossed - I saved $50 on a trip to the vet.

Quote of the day

2011-09-26T16:37:00.002-05:00

This is not a time right now for wishful thinking that governments are going to sort things out ... The governments don't rule the world, Goldman Sachs rules the world ...

For most traders we don't really care about having a fixed economy, having a fixed situation, our job is to make money from it ... Personally, I've been dreaming of this moment for three years. I go to bed every night and I dream of another recession ... When the market crashes... if you know what to do, if you have the right plan set up, you can make a lot of money from this.

- British trader Alessio Rastani

False hope?

2011-09-26T09:36:00.004-05:00

Percy ate 3 times yesterday - that I know of. I've been giving him his favorite pate foods mixed with water and he eats 1-2 tablespoons at a time. Not enough to sustain a normal cat but this is Super Zombie we're talking about. Now, he's a lot more energetic.

Last night, I left four bowls of his special soup plus extra bowls of water scattered around the apartment. The soup was all gone this morning but there's a greedy little kitten who probably ate most of it. I might start locking the girls in the bathroom instead of the birds to see if he'll eat more.

Meanwhile, Lizzie has an eye infection. It's getting better so one more day of treating it at home before I spend another $50 at the vet.

Afternoon delight

2011-09-25T00:34:00.003-05:00

Look what I stumbled in on today. First time all three of them napped together.

I made an executive decision, then changed my mind

2011-09-24T10:08:00.003-05:00

I originally posted the following yesterday:

I was up all night [Thur-Fri] trying to decide what to do with Percy. The options: 1) let him go on starving to death (he doesn't seem to be in pain), 2) try to force feed him, or 3) have him put to sleep. A few days ago, he was hiding in the closet and sleeping all the time so I was going with option #1. But yesterday and today [Wed-Thur], he's been socializing more. He's drinking a little water and he sniffs the food but the smell makes him gag.

Google told me the gagging is caused by dehydration. So last night [Thurs], I forced him to swallow a couple of kiddie syringes of water. Now I'm giving him water mixed with baby cereal (which has probiotics). He kept that down, so the next step is water mixed with chicken baby food.

He's not happy about it but every signal he's been sending me is that he's not ready to die. I wish he'd given me those signs sooner. He would've had a better chance if I'd started doing it a couple of days ago.

I was having doubts about my new plan but I babysat for my friends this afternoon [Fri]. I reminded myself how many times I've forced a kid to swallow medicine. They hate it but they always forgive you.

Saturday morning: I took the above post down last night because I changed my mind after 4 or 5 forced feedings (about 2 tsp each time). He hated it and I couldn't bear to have possibly his last night on earth spent with both of us upset and miserable.

The first thing I do every morning is look for him to see if he's still alive. Every morning, at first glance, I think he's not. Then he lifts his head.

This morning, I fed the other cats then offered Percy some of his favorite beef-flavored gourmet food mixed with water. He sniffed it, really sniffed it like he was hungry, then walked away. He didn't gag this time. So I opened another can of tuna, poured about a tsp of the water into a dish and mixed it with regular water. Then I took it to him. He drank it - voluntarily. Only half of it but enough to give me hope. I've never seen a cat with such a strong will to live.

This week, I went back and read the last 2 years of posts about my cats. I've spent much of those 2 years worrying about him and watching him get so sick that I was sure he was almost dead then nursing him back to health. I'm ready for it to be over. He's not.

So I'll keep doing everything I can to help him and I'll keep preparing myself for the unavoidable day when that's not enough.

My little zombie

2011-09-22T18:20:00.004-05:00

This is my dying cat - the black and white one on top, Percy. I ended up being gone most of the day. When I came home, I felt sick to my stomach as I walked up the steps. I just knew he would be gone.

I opened the door with a sense of dread and there he was on the couch, sleeping close to Lizzie. Megan was also sleeping nearby. I should go away more often.

He still won't eat. I microwaved a slice of bacon, which usually brings him running. Tonight, he wasn't interested, even when I held it right under his nose.

Should I try the kitty version of Ensure?

There's a monster in my closet and it's carrying a scythe

2011-09-22T01:15:00.009-05:00

In October, it will be 2 years since Percy was diagnosed with heart disease. At the time, the vet didn't expect him to live much longer than a few months. I can't count how many times he's been so sick that I went to bed expecting to find him dead in the morning. Then he'd bounce back.

When I got Lizzie 6 months ago, it took Percy a little while to adjust but then he was happier and more active than he'd been in a long time. They would chase each other and play fight. He'd groom her. But he's been declining for the last month or so. Sleeping more, eating less, hiding in the closet.

I kind of hoped a new kitten would perk him up, although I knew there was also a chance the stress could make him worse. For a couple of days, he seemed to like Megan. He would rub against her and lick her head. Then he took a turn for the worse.

He hasn't had anything to eat or drink for the last 48 hours. I've offered him his favorite foods and favorite treats. He sniffs them and turns away. He won't even drink the water from a can of tuna, which he's never turned down no matter how sick he got. Tonight I put some water in a kid's medicine syringe to see if he'd take a few drops. No go. I thought about forcing it down his throat but couldn't bring myself to do it, just like I couldn't bring myself to force him to swallow one of his heart pills. He's been off his med since March. Although he's been doing better without it, maybe it would snap him out of it now.

He's 15 years old. He's got a bad heart. I'd do anything to keep him alive forever but that's not possible. Should I try to prolong it?

The vet tried to convince me to put him to sleep 6 months ago. I know they wouldn't hesitate to do it now and they'd tell me it was for the best. But I want him to go the way that Jasmine did. I want him to curl up in his favorite hiding spot and die peacefully in his sleep.

For the last 2 days, I've been going to the closet to pet him. He purrs for awhile then gets up and walks away. Sometimes I pick him up. He purrs and nuzzles up to me then wants down. A couple of hours ago, he jumped up on the bed. I lay down beside him and he stayed for half an hour then went back to the closet.

Soon after, I came out to the living room to write this post. I was crying then I noticed him sitting in the doorway staring at me. I called him over but he didn't come. He didn't jump on my desk and beg for a treat like normal. He didn't sit on the keyboard or climb on my shoulder to lick my hair. Instead, he went back to the closet.

Waiting for him to die is more stress than I can handle.

Update 7:15 a.m.: I gave him his pill this morning. Now he's pissed off. I have to leave for a few hours and I don't know what I'll find when I get back.

Update 8:05 a.m.: 45 minutes after I gave him the pill, I found him drinking water. He looks a little perkier, like maybe he's not ready to die.

Elizabeth Warren for President

2011-09-21T23:03:00.001-05:00

It doesn't always get better

2011-09-21T13:45:00.000-05:00

He committed suicide on Sunday. He was 14.

Eddie Cibrian is a Don Draper wannabe

2011-09-19T21:50:00.007-05:00

Mad Men is my favorite drama currently on TV. Last night, it won its 4th Emmy in a row. Jon Hamm is the biggest reason why. He's charismatic and gorgeous. The series is set in the early 1960s. This year, the networks are trying to capture some of that mad magic with a couple of knockoffs. ABC has Pan Am. NBC has The Playboy Club.

I just watched the first episode of Playboy Club. They have their very own Jon Hamm lookalike in Eddie Cibrian, and he's playing a suave, sophisticated man's man with a dark, mysterious past. In other words, he's playing Don Draper. And they have their very own Betty Draper in a bunny costume. Then they added a dash The Sopranos with their mob boss subplot.

They're trying too hard but in all the wrong ways.

That was an ordeal

2011-09-19T15:40:00.004-05:00

Megan just survived her first trip to the vet. He said it's a virus that's going around. Usually it starts earlier in the year and is done by now, but this year it started later. He gave her a shot of antibiotics to keep it from developing into pneumonia and said it takes about 8-10 weeks for the virus to run its course.

Lizzie's got goopy eyes today so she's probably catching it, but the vet said the older cats probably won't get as sick. Percy's been in such a decline for the last month that I'm afraid this could do him in. I think he's already used up 8 of his lives.

They raised their office visit fee from $35 to $39, which isn't bad at all because they hadn't raised it in probably 10 years. The shot was only $10. I keep reminding myself that the first year and the last year of a cat's life are always the most expensive.

Please ignore the furry mess behind her. That's what happens when you put navy blue curtains in a house full of cats.

Scum of the week

2011-09-18T15:24:00.004-05:00

This week I'm choosing all the idiots who have dogs and cats and don't get them spayed or neutered. According to the ASPCA, 5 to 7 million dogs and cats end up in shelters every year, and 3 to 4 million are euthanized. Sixty percent of dogs who go to shelters are euthanized, and 70 percent of cats.

Seventy percent. That's why it was so hard for me to decide which cat to bring home on Thursday. I knew there was a chance that whoever I left behind would die. Every single one of them was sweet and lovable and crying for attention.

Cornell University says euthanasia of healthy animals is the number one cause of death for dogs and cats.

This video will break your heart.

That's why irresponsible pet owners are my Scum of the Week.