handjob.org

There's a post-it on my kitchen counter.  Every morning I glance at it and ask myself, "Why would I ever visit a site called handjob.org?  And why would a porn site be .org?"

Then I remember that the note actually says "landajob.org."  I keep getting phone calls from them.  It's a company that claims it's affiliated with the Social Security Administration that helps disabled people find jobs.

I need to improve my handwriting.

Escape hatch

Remember that movie "Being John Malkovich" where John Cusack found a secret door in the wall and when he crawled through it, he was inside John Malkovich? 

Last week, Lizzie tried to find John Malkovich..  Whenever I take something out of one of the lower cupboards, she crawls in.  I don't mind.  I just  rinse the cat fur off of stuff before I use it.  

So I didn't pay much attention when Lizzie crawled into my pan cupboard last week.  Then I realized she'd been in there a long time.  I glanced in and couldn't see her.  She must've come out when I wasn't watching.

I went on about my business until I heard some movement in the cupboard and checked again.  Not there.  Oh shit!.  There's a big opening in the back of the cupboard that gives access to the bathtub plumbing.  She had pulled away the cardboard and disappeared inside.

I panicked.  Visions of firemen tearing out my bathtub to rescue her.  I removed the pans and the shelf and crawled halfway into the cupboard.  When I reached down past the pipes, as I suspected, it appeared to be open all the way down to the next apartment - and possibly the one below that.

I shouted, "Lizzie!"  She would never respond to that. I switched to a softer, here's-a-treat voice: "Elizabeth."

Her tail appeared, waving at me.  Instead of going down, she was over to the side but the space was so tight she couldn't turn around.  I was afraid she'd try to back out and fall down the tunnel.  I grabbed her tail and pulled her back far enough to get hold of her legs and hide and dragged her out. 

Then I duct taped the cardboard back over the hole and pushed the shelf back far enough to hold it in place. Impossible for her to get in there again. 

Later, I thought about what it would've been like if she'd crawled down to the apartment below.  The guy's drunk most of the time. Imagine if he opened his cupboard and a cat jumped out.  He'd think it was a giant roach.

She still enjoys the cupboard with the booby hatch covered up.

Wherever Lizzie goes Megan follows.

Highlight of my week

I bought a new litter box and a small trash can with a lid to hold the scoopings.  I'm ridiculously happy about it.  My apartment smells so much fresher.

Yesterday I set up the new box in the same corner where the old one was and got rid of the old one.  Both cats went over to investigate but didn't use it.  Several hours passed before Megan finally gave it a try.  I think Lizzie was waiting to see if Megan got in trouble for it.  I'm not sure how she held it as long as she did but they both had a potty party after I went to bed.  Filled it up real good.

Last week I pulled a fast one on Lizzie.  It was time for her shots so I brought the carrier to the living room and left the door open.  She crawled in and went to sleep and I locked her in.  It didn't bother her until we got to the car.  After we got home, I left the carrier out and both cats took turns sleeping in it.

I don't know what I'd do without them.

Megan discovered how to get on top the armoire, then rearranged the cookie jars.

It took Lizzie a little longer, but once she figured it out the cookie jars had to come down.

Who let the birds out

One of my zebra finches escaped last week and Megan and Lizzie were hot on his tail.  Luckily he found a spot to rest that was out of their reach - on the ceiling fan.

But the best part of the picture was what showed up in the background.  The Long Island Medium says that after people die, they sometimes reveal their presence in photos as a small circle of light.  I have another picture I posted several months ago where my cat Jasmine showed herself.  Her circle was on the back of the couch, right where she used to sleep. 

Percy revealed himself the day the bird escaped.  His circle of light is between the two quilt squares in the last column.  You'll probably have to click on the picture to see it.  The circle is directly above the spot where one of the litter boxes used to sit.  The moment I decided to put him to sleep, he was in that box passing bloody gushes of diarrhea.  I'd been debating what to do for a long time.  That night, he looked up at me and I knew he was ready.  Now, I think he showed himself where he did to let me know I did the right thing.

These are the only two times I've ever had a circle like that show up in any of my pictures.  Both times, I had taken several shots of the same area within seconds of each other and only one shot had the circle.

Strike a pose

The people at TMZ looked at a bunch of photos of model Candice Swanepoel strutting her stuff on the beach and all they had to say was that her bikini's mismatched.  The guy in the lower right corner doesn't seem to mind.

By the way, she's not at a photo shoot.  This is how she behaves on vacation.