Happy Cancerversary to me

Yesterday was exactly one year since the day my GYN called to say the pathology report from my hysterectomy had come back and she wanted me to come to her office right away. It was the longest year of my life. And it went by really fast.

I'm not sure if I can call myself a cancer survivor yet - if I should say I "have" cancer or I "had" cancer. You're not considered cured until you've gone 5 years without a recurrence.

But do they count the 5 years from the date of diagnosis? The date the surgery removed the last of the tumor? Or the day you finish treatment?

I'm afraid she might be an Annabel

Elizabeth is someone who's ladylike and refined. Annabel is cute and mischievous. My new kitten is not an Elizabeth.

It usually takes me about a week to settle on a cat's name. That's how long it takes for them to reveal their true personality. I've been trying to call her Lizzie or Libby or Beth. It just doesn't work.

She won't hold still long enough for me to get a good picture of her markings. She's mostly gray tiger-striped but she also has patches of orange tiger stripes on her neck and belly, plus some plain brown patches on her back. The pads on four of her feet are black and one is black.

When I went to bed on Tuesday, I tried not putting her in the crate. She went nuts, attacking my feet, licking my face, climbing the curtains, knocking over a plant. I ignored her for awhile to see if she would settle down but she didn't, so in the crate she went. I felt so bad listening to her cry.

Last night I tried again. She wasn't quite as crazy but she kept attacking my feet. That's when I realized she's probably an Annabel. I pulled her up by my face and cuddled her and said, "You have to stop or I'll put you back in the crate. Please don't make me do that."

It was like she understood me because she calmed down. Then she started licking my hair and kneading my head like she was trying to find a nipple to nurse on. I waited for her to stop but she's persistent. I finally had to cover my head. The rest of the night was peaceful.

Percival's not mad at me anymore. We just had a ten minute cuddle initiated by him. He only growls at the kitten when she runs at him - just enough to get her to back off. He's not leaving the room as soon as she enters. Last night, he jumped on the bed when she was there and didn't even hiss.

I'm feeling less guilty for bringing this annoying little stranger into his space.

Yesterday, I was going through all the pictures on my computer, deleting the junk. When I got to the file with the cat pictures and saw the ones where Jasmine and Percival were laying together under my Christmas tree. Somehow seeing the pictures of the two of them together makes me sadder than seeing pictures of her alone.

I hope to see Percival and Elizabeth/Annabel cuddling with each other soon.

Updated to add: One of my eggs hatched. I'm not sure if I had posted, but my finches produced four more eggs a couple of weeks ago. It looks like one of them hatched but the baby's dead. I couldn't get a good enough look because mom and dad were freaking out. But it's possible the egg just cracked - it was covered with the gray cat fur I gave them for their nest. But the shell was open and it looks like there's a tiny ball of pink under the fur. It wasn't moving, even when I bumped the nest.

So it's official

It's been a long time since I had a kitten in the house. I forgot how much time it takes to civilize them. One of my projects for today is to go around and shorten all the cords for my mini-blinds. I'm afraid she's going to strangle herself on them.

My friend Moose asked if my new kitten was named after Elizabeth Taylor. She wasn't but she is now. I'm even changing the spelling to honor La Liz - my new kitten's official name is Elizabeth Taylor Borden. She's high maintenance like Taylor and like Lizzie Borden, she's already given me 40 whacks with her claws.

So far, I haven't been able to get a picture of her except when she's sleeping. She won't hold still long enough. She found a straw that one of the other cats lost under the refrigerator and she entertained herself with that all morning. Now she's sleeping half on my lap and half on my wrist while I type.

Still lots of catching up to do. Something that happened while I was computerless: Last Thursday, my phone rang at 5:30 a.m. The call was from my mother's phone. I was afraid it was someone calling to tell me she was dead or that she was calling me herself because she was having a heart attack and she wasn't sure whether or not she should call the ambulance.

It turned out she had only twisted her ankle but we didn't know it at the time. She was in bed and had been laying there all night - couldn't even get up to pee or take a pain pill - because her foot was swollen and hurt too bad to even move. She thought it was from plantar's fasceitis. (I'm too lazy to look up the correct spelling.) She's had it before - very painful but not life threatening.

She asked me to come. It's about a 45 minute drive, plus 15 minutes to shower and dress and feed the animals. The whole time, I was afraid she might have a blood clot and debating whether or not I should call an ambulance for her or call my brother the RN (who would probably tell me to call the ambulance).

When I got there, I had to pee first, then went to look at her foot (swollen but not discolored), gave her some ibuprofen and hydrocodone, helped her get up to pee, then put her foot on ice and made her breakfast. The nearest ER was 20 minutes away, at the hospital that almost killed her a few years ago. Understandably, she didn't want to go there. So we waited two hours to call her doctor. Took her to the office, met her doctor who really is as stuck up and condescending as Mom said. Doctor examined her then sent us for an x-ray at the hospital 20 minutes away. No diagnosis until the next day.

That's life in small town Iowa. You're stuck with the only doctor in town - who's only there 3 days a week - and you wait a day for the only radiologist in the next town to look at your films.

Mom is doing well now. I'm glad I was able to help her. I resent the hell out of the fact that I have 3 brothers and I'm the only one she knew would come when she called.

Quote of the day

Basically, if I opened the newspaper tomorrow and saw that he was dead, my first reaction wouldn't be 'Darn, I really liked his movies.' It would be 'Sweet! I get my money back from Ticketmaster.'

- a broker who's losing $1500 in Charlie Sheen tickets nobody wants

Did he kill those tigers before he stole their blood?

Charlie Sheen's not funny anymore. He probably hasn't been for awhile - it's sad to see a mental breakdown in progress, even sadder to hear it joked about. But now there's a story that Charlie neglected his daughters' two pet pugs that had been trusted to his care. When ex-wife Denise Richards heard about it, she retrieved them. But one of the dogs died of malnourishment.

Charlie tweeted:

"We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH -neese POOR-ARD. A VILE KIDNAPPER AND NOW DOG THIEF. HATE."

No, Charlie. We must prosecute the warlock for animal cruelty. Your party's over. You've wandered into Michael Vick territory now.

Meet Elisabeth

At least I think that's what her name will be. Libby for short, or maybe Beth. Or maybe Annabel or Cordelia or Megan. I adopted her from the animal rescue center on Saturday. So far she has peed on my couch and my bed.

The first time, I thought she just couldn't remember where her litter box was. So I set up litter boxes for her in every room. As for the second time, she has a bad memory? She prefers peeing on a nice soft bed? I caught her in the act and carried her over to her litter box, where she happily finished her business.

She's about 10-12 weeks old and suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. After all, I'm the lady who kidnapped her away from her sister and brought her to a strange house where a mean old cat hisses and growls at her all the time. I'm the lady who won't let her play with those chirpy little finches that hop around so temptingly. I'm the lady who locks her in the bathroom part of the day and in the crate all night. And yet, Elisabeth-Libby-Beth-Annabel-Cordelia-Megan-Tabitha-Catalina wants to be in my arms 24 hours a day and purrs up a storm every time I even look at her.

My plan was to ignore the new kitty until Percival accepted her. But she will not be ignored. Which is why she gets confined sometimes - to give Percy his turn for attention.

She quickly adopted Jasmine's favorite sleeping place on the back of my couch, which was smart because Percival will tolerate a lot but he won't share his favorite spot. She looks a bit like Carolina, another cat I had, who died fifteen years ago.

Percival is extremely pissed off. The first day, he wouldn't even stay in the same room with the new kitty and he hissed at me. By the second day, he would lay across the room glaring at us. Now, he's sitting within reach while Elisabeth is curled up against my chest. He's not even growling.

It's alive!

In our last episode, my computer was on the verge of crashing thanks to a nasty trojan. My friend the computer genius came and picked it up on March 16 and just brought it back today. He does computer work in his spare time, which he doesn't have a lot of. He ended up having to reformat but he was able to save all my documents. The computer's still a little sluggish because he had to order more RAM, which hasn't arrived yet.

It's going to take me awhile to get caught up on everything but I will be posting like crazy in the next day or two.

The king and queen of the buffoons

When I started using "political buffoonery" as a label, I didn't think I'd be using it so often. But maybe I should have called it Republican buffoonery. Here are a few recent examples:

• New Hampshire State Rep. Marty Harty told one of his constituents: "The world population has gotten too big and the world is being inherited by too many defective people ... I mean all the defective people, the drug addicts, mentally ill, the retarded -- all of them ... I believe if we had a Siberia we should send them to this and they would all freeze and die and we will be rid of them."

• Kansas State Rep. Virgil Peck was at a committee meeting where they were discussing how to deal with the state's feral swine. One of his cohorts suggested shooting the pigs from a helicopter. Peck said maybe that's what they should do with illegal immigrants.

• A TPM headline says, "Flake Joins GOP Frosh Fray." My first thought was, Aren't they all flakes? Turns out that's his name. He's joined the tea partiers in their threat to shut down the government unless they get their own way on budget cuts. Like I said, they're all flakes.

• On Friday, CNBC host Larry Kudlow said, "The human toll here looks to be much worse than the economic toll, and we can be grateful for that." Because we all know thousands of bodies washing up on the beach don't matter as long as the markets hold up.

• Wisconsin State Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald sent around a memo saying that all 14 Democratic senators will not be allowed to vote on committees. They're being held in contempt for leaving the state - by the Republicans, that is. The majority of Wisconsinites are holding the Republicans in contempt.

• And now to the queen of the buffoons, Michele Bachmann. During a speech last Friday, she told the crowd, "What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You're the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord."

She repeated the same line the next day. On MSNBC, Lawrence O'Donnell was baffled about why her staff didn't correct her after she said it the first time. He said lots of people in Congress are ignorant but Bachmann is the only one who also has an ignorant staff.

But maybe they're not ignorant. Maybe they just don't like her.

Speaking of buffoons, it just occurred to me that Steve King's been awfully quiet lately. Is it possible that not getting the chairmanship he expected humbled him a little?

Japan has its own religious nut jobs

From the AP:

A tide of bodies washed up along Japan's coastline Monday, overwhelming crematoriums, exhausting supplies of body bags and adding to the spiraling humanitarian, economic and nuclear crisis after the massive earthquake and tsunami.

Millions of people faced a fourth night without water, food or heating in near-freezing temperatures along the northeast coast devastated by Friday's disasters. Meanwhile, a third reactor at a nuclear power plant lost its cooling capacity and its fuel rods were fully exposed, raising fears of a meltdown. The stock market plunged over the likelihood of huge losses by Japanese industries including big names such as Toyota and Honda.

On the coastline of Miyagi prefecture, which took the full force of the tsunami, a Japanese police official said 1,000 bodies were found scattered across the coastline. Kyodo, the Japanese news agency, reported that 2,000 bodies washed up on two shorelines in Miyagi.

In one town in a neighboring prefecture, the crematorium was unable to handle the large number of bodies being brought in for funerals ...

In Miyagi, the police chief has said 10,000 people are estimated to have died in his province alone.

Meanwhile, the mayor of Tokyo said the earthquake was "punishment from heaven" because the Japanese are greedy.

Dude, you need a bigger dumpster

Tomorrow is garbage day and, like usual, the dumpster is overflowing. We've got stray milk cartons, fast food wrappers and tampon applicators blowing around the parking lot. And a nice cushy timeout chair for the bad boys.

The landlord when I first moved in here had two dumpsters the same size as this one. The guy who bought the place from him switched from two dumpsters to one bigger one. The new guy (not so new anymore - he's had the place maybe 5 years) switched to a smaller dumpster.

This is the result. But I know what he'd say about it - those damn tenants throw away too much garbage!

5 months post-chemo

My hair is growing in nice and thick but it's still way shorter than I've ever worn it. But it looks nice enough that people who don't know me might think I cut it this way on purpose. Oh well.

I still wear a knit cap out in public, though I do take it off at the indoor track where I walk.

He's not a cat, he's a parrot

This morning I was holding Percival and he was purring like crazy. Then he crawled up on my shoulder and sat there like a parrot. He does that every once in awhile but today he stayed there for several minutes, looking around like he was trying to get a new perspective on things.

His appetite's been good the last couple of days and he hasn't been throwing up, so I gave him a full kitty-size serving for his first meal of the day. He gobbled it down and drank a lot of water then promptly puked it up. His pill probably came up with it too. But I couldn't see it when I inspected the vomit so I didn't give him another one.

Yesterday, I talked to a computer tech guy who recommended several free programs to run that are basically diagnostic, to help him figure out what's on my system that needs to come off. The first two ran with no problem and produced reports. The third stopped working. I closed it down then tried to run it again. As soon as I clicked on it, my computer shut down. Not the normal shutdown - it was like the electricity suddenly went off. Then it rebooted on its own.

I tried to get it in safe mode but it came up in normal mode. Very slowly. I expected everything to be wiped out when it came back up but it looked normal. I then rebooted in safe mode and soon after I rebooted in normal mode. This time, I got a message that my computer had recovered from a serious error with an error report.

I don't know what's happening now. It's running better than before but still impaired. I'm waiting to hear back from the tech guy.

A few quickies:

• You've heard this one before. Anti-gay politician's secret gay lover is revealed. The twist is that this guy was forced out of the closet by his bribery indictment. His boyfriend was named as a co-conspirator. There's also a Sopranos-like subplot.

• I love Julia Roberts but I'm not her biggest fan. That would be the guy who has 82 Julia Roberts tattoos.

• Cow farts in a can.

• Meanwhile in Iowa, the land of cow farts, Republicans are trying to pass a bill that will allow anyone to carry a gun in public, without a background check. One of their own refers to it as "the crazy, give-a-handgun-to-a-schizophrenic bill."

But I've never met a schizophrenic who's as crazy as an Iowa Republican. Case in point - One of their state senators just endorsed Michele Bachmann. He explains, "There is a void out there that needs to be filled."

Yes, I believe that would be the void in Bachmann's brain.

Quote of the day

I think there should be some self-examination from the administration on the idea that you favor a woman's right to an abortion, but you don't favor a woman or a man's right to choose what kind of light bulb, what kind of dishwasher, what kind of washing machine ...

We have to flush the toilet 10 times before it works ... I've been waiting for 20 years to talk about how bad these toilets are and this was a good excuse today.

- Rand Paul, upset about policies favoring energy efficient appliances.

Way paranoid

I've been having computer problems for a few weeks now. Last week, I discovered a trojan on my system which is now quarantined in Malwarebytes.

It's one that leaves stuff scattered all over your computer so it's hard to get rid of its remnants. It can cause your computer to crash because it attacks antivirus and spyware programs. So I spent a few days backing up my important data, then I started working on getting rid of the crap it left behind.

This particular trojan is not known for stealing passwords or anything like that - mainly, it just feeds you pop up ads. It's aggravated the hell out of me because it's slowed my computer down and keeps causing the Shockwave player to crash. But I haven't been especially worried.

Until today. I tried to access my bank account online and it said I was entering the wrong password. After a couple of tries, it locked me out.

OMG! The trojan stole my password! Somebody got into my account and took all the money out! Then they reset my password! OMFG!

Yeah. It was nothing like that. I just typed the wrong password and the bank's system locked me out for my own protection. But it took 3 phone calls and being transferred from one customer service rep to another to get that straightened out.

The fucking trojan is out of here tonight - even if I have to take a sledgehammer to my computer and buy a new one.

A tea bagger, a union member and a CEO ...

... are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies. The CEO immediately takes 11 cookies for himself. The CEO then turns to the teabagger and says, “Watch out for that union guy - he wants part of your cookie.”

(from Tiki Humor)

Yo quiero chichis

Good god, mammograms hurt. It has to be even worse for younger women with firm boobs. I was so afraid the machine was going to pull my chemo port loose and I'd start bleeding under my skin and have to get surgery to take it out and fix the hole in my vein.

I can always think of something to worry about.

Now, I'm worried about the results. It'll be at least a week before I get a letter from them telling me whether or not I get the all clear.

For those who've never had a mammogram, it goes like this: First you change into a gown that's open in the front. Then you take one arm out to expose one boob. They smash it between 2 cold plates from top to bottom. Then they turn it sideways (the machine, not the boob) and smash it (the boob not the machine) from side to side. Then they do the same thing to the other boob. Four pictures in all. Then you have to wait while the tech goes into another room to develop the films. If they didn't get a clear picture the first time, you have to get smashed again.

Yesterday when the tech came back and told me the films were okay, there was something about her manner that made me think she saw something bad on them. It's probably paranoia on my part but the breasts are one of the places where endo cancer spreads. And the same risk factors that set me up for endo cancer also lead to breast cancer.

That's how it's going to be from now on. Every time I go for any kind of test or procedure, I'm going to be afraid of what they'll find.

If I get the all clear on my boobs, colonoscopy is next. More anxiety. Then it'll be time for my 3-month gyn checkup and more anxiety and then ...

This is life after cancer. A continuous stream of things to worry about.

Love shall overcome

Ed and Derence have been together 40 years. Last summer, Ed was diagnosed with Alzheimers. They want the state of California to allow them to get married before he loses the ability to recognize his partner.

You can support their cause by signing their petition.

Random thoughts

Percival is getting to be a nuisance. He follows me everywhere and wants to be on top of me every time I sit down at my desk. I feel bad when I have to make him move.

Whenever I leave the apartment, he hides in my laundry basket in the closet until I come home. He and Jasmine used to sleep together on the bed. If there were any kittens available right now, I'd get one for him. He's so lonely.

I'm going to miss him like crazy when he's gone.

More random thoughts:

• I can't read my favorite political website anymore. Everything that's happening pisses me off too much.

• I don't know what to think about the new season of American Idol. I love a couple of the contestants. I love Steve Tyler and J Lo. It's just not as good without Simon.

• There are rumors going around that J Lo had to do the show because she's broke. Her husband owes the IRS $3.2 million. The IRS part is verified. The broke part - I think it's probably a cash flow problem. It's easier and smarter for her to make a quick few million than it would be to sell off any of her assets. She's got a lot tied up in real estate and she probably lost a lot when the stock market crashed. Don't you wish we all had rich people's problems?

• Survivor is boring me this year. They're doing the same challenges they've done over and over again before. They've got the same master manipulators, the same good ol' country boy, the same ego-maniacal wack job, the same outcasts who don't deserve to be cast out, and the same sweet young things who use their sex appeal to get by. Can't they think up anything new?

• I just took this fun quiz. It's a collection of bizarre quotes and you have to guess who said them - Ron Burgundy or Charlie Sheen.

• I'm having my boobs squished on Friday (today). It's the first time I've ever been nervous about getting a mammogram. Not the squishing part - the what if they find cancer part. I'll never not worry about getting cancer again.

• I'm debating whether or not to take the chance that my computer will crash when I try to get rid of the trojan or to just keep putting up with it running so slow. The trojan in question isn't known to be one where a hacker can read my every keystroke or anything like that.

Winning

90% of this is actual quotes from Charlie Sheen.

Beauty is only skintight

This morning, my therapist told me she saw Charlie Sheen's interview on the Today show. She said that video will probably be shown in psych classes as a classic example of what mania looks like. Meanwhile, Charlie told People:

"It's not an act. Here's the good news: If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane."

Which is probably true. Still, I think it's a good thing his toddler twins Bob and Max were removed from the house last night. Even though that means they were taken to their crack-mama's house. Crack mama's currently in rehab so their grandma will be taking care of them.

Quickies:

• When he's not busy crusading against gay rights, Louisiana pastor Grant Storms spends his free time masturbating while watching children play at a local park. He says pornography made him do it. But if he stayed home watching porn, he wouldn't have been jacking off at the playground. What kind of porn does he use anyway?

• Speaking of right-wing Christian control freaks, an actual news headline: Fetus Set to Testify in Favor of Ohio Anti-Abortion Bill.

• More right-wing Christian bullshit: Mike Huckabee says Obama grew up in Kenya.

• Facebook sucks.

• Former Dynasty diva Joan Collins is aging not quite so gracefully. On Sunday night, she left an Oscar after-party via ambulance. She was having trouble breathing. The cause? Her dress was too tight. The big irony? The party was for Vanity Fair.

Yes, the picture shows the dress in question.

Quote of the day

I must start by pointing out that three years after our horrific financial crisis caused by financial fraud, not a single financial executive has gone to jail, and that's wrong.

- director Charles Ferguson, during his Oscar acceptance speech