I've got a lot of whining to do so I just made a list:
1) I didn't get my Christmas tree set up. Just didn't have the energy but I'm sad about it now. I had the box leaning against the wall in the kitchen. Lizzie has jumped on top of it and tipped it over 3 times tonight. Pretty good indicator of what would've happened if I did set the tree up.
2) My sleep cycle is backwards - I'm up all night and sleeping all day. Now I'm trying to sleep my way around the clock. That's a technique my former psychiatrist told me about. I'm supposed to go to bed 2 hrs later every day then sleep as long as I feel like sleeping. On Monday, I went to bed at 8:30 a.m. On Tuesday, at 10:30 a.m. So today, I should go to bed around 12:30. Within a week, I should be back to sleeping nights. Theoretically.
3) One of the reasons my sleep got so messed up is because it's hard for me to go to bed. That's when I miss Percy most. At night, every time I headed toward the bedroom, he would run in and jump on the bed and wait for me. That was our favorite cuddle time.
4) I feel guilty because I wrote a poem about Percy dying but I didn't write one about Jasmine. I was very attached to her when she was alive, but I think I got even more attached to Percy after she died.
5) I've developed trigger finger. It's basically a problem with the tendons in my hand that's causing intense pain in my left thumb. It locks up sometimes and I have to use my other hand to bend it, and if I bump my hand in the wrong way, it sends shooting pains through my hand and thumb. They don't know what causes it but I think in my case chemo played a role. I've had all sorts of problems with my joints and tendons and hands ever since.
6) As a result of that condition, I've developed more empathy for my mom. I had no idea how much I used my left hand, esp. my thumb, until I started having this problem. Mom has weakness in her left wrist and thumb caused by a stroke, and it's progressively gotten worse to the point where she can't do much with that hand.
7) I'm worried about Mom's health in general. A couple of weeks ago, she spilled some liquid detergent on the carpet. She wasn't able to get down on the floor to clean it up, so she called a friend to help. If she ever falls, she wouldn't be able to get up. It's getting more and more difficult for her to walk any distance because of pain in her right knee and foot. She wouldn't be able to do her own shopping if it weren't for Walmart's motorized carts.
8) I'm killing myself with carbs. I crave them all the time. Potatoes, potato chips, pasta, cereal, orange juice, chocolate. My blood sugar must be running sky high. I'm thirsty all the time and wake up every 2 hrs to pee.
9) I've got a crusty sore on my upper chest that won't heal and it looks like a couple more are developing nearby. It resembles pictures of skin cancer, and it's in an area where I got sunburned a lot when I was younger.
10) I can't keep track of what day it is. Being up all night does that to you.
11) My friend asked me to babysit on Tuesday. I had to turn him down because I'm still having problems with my neck and now I've got problems with my hand. I just couldn't handle lifting a very heavy 1 year old all day.
12) My brother wanted to give me gas money because I gave him a ride to our other brother's for Christmas, 2 hours each way. I said it wasn't necessary. He insisted and gave me $20. I said it was too much. He immediately took it back, then asked how much I thought was fair. I said $10 so that's what he gave me. When will I ever learn to shut up?
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