Best singles ad ever

I've always been a fan of Sinead O'Connor. She first captured my attention with her voice but I became a permanent fan the night she tore up that picture of the pope. Now, Sinead has taken to her blog to complain about the dire circumstance in which she's found herself. My favorite outtakes (you have to read it with an Irish accent):

The man who runs my site will protectively suggest I may want to visit the bathroom for a few intimate moments and a subsequent cold shower before deciding to post this on the site but I will of course ignore him as it's too late now and the her-moans are having the best of me ...

... inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables ... I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it's VERY depressing ...

Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.

He must be no younger than 44.

Must be living in Ireland but I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.

Must not be named Brian or Nigel.

Must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.

Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.

Leather trouser- wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.

I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.

No hair gel.

No hair dryer use.

No hair dye

Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.

No after shave.

Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.

Must be wham-bam.

Has to like his mother.

Has to like his ex and or mother/s of his children.

Has to live in own place.

I must end now as I have a hot date with a banana.

Later, she followed up that post:

I've had reasonable complaints from lesbians that they have been excluded. This was terribly remiss of me and I would now like to make it clear that women will also be very much considered. As will Brians and Nigels.

And later:

Search called off for now ...That position has been filled by an extremely sweet, kind, very respectful, considerate but absolutely FILTHY minded, un-inhibited RUDE sex maniac named John.

But then:

Sadly the chosen winner of the quest for man has revealed pregnant girlfriend. Therefore the campaign is resumed for anyone who is interested in applying... U may do so ... Must have sweet heart and filthy mind.

If anyone out there is interested, you can leave a comment here with your name and number and/or a link to your ad on AFF (preferably with a naked picture). I'll pass it on to Sinead. No, really, I will.