You're a cashier at Walmart ...

... and the customer you're waiting on is buying: Gatorade, apple juice, popsicles, flushable baby wipes, toilet cleaner and Imodium. Then you notice that your customer is very, very pale and sweaty.

And you say?

Fortunately, the clerk didn't comment when I bought those items this weekend but you could tell that she made the connection. I wanted to say, "Don't worry, it's not contagious." But I didn't. Under better circumstances, I would've picked up extra stuff to make it less obvious what I was really there for but I was too weak to carry more than I absolutely had to.

I was sick from Thursday through Saturday. Really, really sick - nausea, diarrhea, severe abdominal pain, bloating. I'm 90% sure it was a gall bladder attack. I've had it happen before - family doc sent me for tests last year. The tests were inconclusive but did show mild dysfunction in the gall bladder.

I was already scheduled for an abdominal and pelvic CT scan Monday morning (I have to be there in about 6 hours) to look for signs of cancer. I've been debating all weekend whether or not I should call the oncologist and tell him what happened to see if he wants to order more tests to check it out.

It could be cancer but that's unlikely. If it is gall bladder, would they take that out when they do my exploratory surgery? He did comment that with every abdominal surgery you have, the risk of complications goes up, so wouldn't it be better to have it done at the same time? Maybe that's not possible?

I have an appointment with him next week. Should I wait till then to mention it?

I wish I could have called before the CT scan but who'd a thunk that now would be the time for other problems to start popping up?

Like, oh by the way, a big chunk of one of my teeth also broke off this weekend. It was one that I didn't even know was rotting.

Adam Lambert, I hate you

Ever since you were on Idol last week, your stupid song has been playing over and over again in my head.

What do I want from you? What do I want from you?

Get the fuck out of my head!

I'm all a-Twitter

I'm not going to desert my blog but I have a lot of snarky comments that aren't worthy of an entire blog post. Short and snarky - that's what Twitter was made for.

Follow me.

Forget the Lady, get a Lassie

On Tuesday, I was debating whether or not I should start taking Premarin. On Wednesday I was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes with sweat pouring down my face while the temperature is in the 60s. The hot flashes settled it for me. Gotta love them hormones.

Time for some quickies:

• You know you live in a great town when the mayor gets drunk and gets caught pissing on a tree but that's not what got him in trouble. He got in trouble for comparing himself to Jesus. Because everybody knows Jesus loved to go around pissing on trees?

• Adrianna got whacked: I've been watching "The Sopranos" on DVD, about one season per week. I just finished Season 5. There was one episode with a reeeeeeeeeeally long dream sequence that really sucked. The whole series is great though - I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it, although I just gave away a major spoiler. Totally didn't see it coming - it made me really sad. She was one of my favorite characters.

• Our mate, he died laughing. So said the friend of Aussie John Peake, age 22, who got drunk, climbed in a garbage bin, rode it down a steep hill, hit a gutter and slammed headfirst into a tree. Brilliant.

• A 30 year old man in Japan stabbed five members of his family, killing his father and 1 year old niece, then set fire to their house. All because his father canceled his internet service.

• Meanwhile in Ohio: An old man with dementia wandered away from home and died in a farm field. Lady, his golden retriever, was with him and stayed beside his body until he was found a week later.

Too bad he didn't have a collie. Lassie would've gone to get Timmy and saved the old guy.

Quote of the day

Many people would argue that Palin did great ecological damage to Alaska and would like to do more by drilling all over it. So, getting her to host a show about the natural beauty of Alaska is a bit like getting Jeffrey Dahmer to host a cooking show for the Food Network.

~ The Young Turks on the new TLC show "Sarah Palin's Alaska"

Proposition H8te

Harold and Clay were partners who lived together for 20 years. They both had wills, medical directives and powers of attorney naming each other.

When Harold, age 88, was hospitalized, the county and health care workers prevented Clay, age 77, from seeing him. They then forcibly removed Clay from their shared home and placed both men in separate nursing homes. The county seized all of the men's property and auctioned it off. Harold died without seeing his partner for the last three months of his life, and Clay was left with nothing, not even the mementos of their life together.

This was in California. You still don't get why gays want the right to get married?

Let me see if I've got this straight

You heard that I was diagnosed with cancer more than 2 weeks ago, but you couldn't be bothered to call me and ask how I'm doing. Now you want me to rearrange my surgery schedule so it'll be more convenient for you???

Did I get that straight?

Happy hump day

Chuck Norris. Hate his politics, love his fur.

My love affair with my GYN is over

I had my hysterectomy follow up appointment today. The nurse prepped me for a pelvic but the doctor didn't examine me - she just took a quick peek at one of my 3 incisions. That part's fine - the fewer docs with their hands up my hoo hoo the better.

But she rushed through the appointment the same way she did the day she told me I needed a hysterectomy. I had a lot of questions. I asked 2 and she answered them, then she was on her way out the door before I could ask the rest.

The last time I saw her was the day she told me I have cancer. She was nice to me that day and I was glad she was my doctor. Now, I'm not so sure.

She should have done the pap smear and waited for the results BEFORE the hysterectomy. The one she did the day of showed the cancer. If it had been done when it should have been done, most likely I would have only needed one surgery instead of two. Now they have to go back in to do the things that should have been done the first time. And I have to wait that much longer to get the results.

The one big question I had for my GYN was: Should I be taking the Premarin you prescribed?

Before the hyst she said she didn't think I'd need hormone replacement. After, while I was still unconscious, she wrote out the Rx for hormones. I haven't been taking them. Should I be? What are the pros and cons? Does the fact that I've since been diagnosed with cancer mean I should or shouldn't be taking them.

Since taking artificial hormones is one of the risk factors for endometrial cancer, I'm opting not to take them. But it sure would've been nice to run it past the doctor who prescribed them.

She did mention that after this next surgery and whatever treatment they decide to do, they'll send me back to her. I'll have to go in the get my vagina scraped every three months.

Woohoo.

How freaking patronizing

The state of Nebraska has passed a bill requiring women who want abortions to jump through even more hoops. It's not enough that they already made you wait 24 hours. The new bill:

would require women wanting abortions to be screened by doctors or other health professionals to determine whether they were pressured into having abortions. They also would have to be screened for risk factors indicating they could have mental or physical problems after an abortion.

Because, you know, women can't be trusted to make their own decisions.

McDonald's must be missing their Grimace

This chick likes getting her picture taken as much as I do.

The door mat dilemma

My mom wants me to go shopping with her tomorrow to help her find a blouse to wear to her friend's wedding. I don't want to go.

It'll be an afternoon out of my life. At least 4 hours of listening to her talk about her own and everyone else's problems. Another night feeling depressed after listening to her all day. More resentment that I'm always doing shit for her but nobody's really there for me. More anger that my brothers do nothing and don't even give me credit for everything I do because she doesn't tell them.

I'm still hurt that she didn't come back and help me after my first surgery, like SHE OFFERED and promised to do.

Should I call her and tell her I just don't feel like it? Which is worse - feeling guilty if I don't help her or feeling resentment if I do?

If Oprah's psychobabble about how you create your own reality and negative feelings cause negative things to happen in your life is true, it's no wonder I have cancer.

What is that ticking?

I have 5 weeks until my next surgery which will determine (as much as possible) whether the cancer is gone or I'm filled with tumors that will kill me.

You'd think I'd use the time productively. Research treatments for endometrioid adenocarcinoma. Figure out whether or not I should get a second opinion before the surgery. Work on my novel. At least clean my apartment.

But no, I sit at the computer all day surfing, playing games, looking at pictures of cats.

The sleepy kitty is cute though, isn't he?

Sleepy cat is very sleepy

source

Quote of the day

The last I checked, Sarah Palin's not much of an expert on nuclear issues.

~ Pres. Obama responding to Sexy Sarah's criticism

OMG, he stole her purse!

Follow up on my post about Mrs. Sean Connery: Remus posted the link to this picture in the comments. As Remus said, "Tassels on your balls never does it ... at any age."

But it's nice that they can share accessories.

PSA: Don't leave your baby on the stove top

The most horrific thing I've read so far today: A family in Iowa put their 5 month old baby in his car seat on top their glass top stove. The back burner was accidentally turned on, igniting the car seat and the baby was burned alive.

How would you ever get that image out of your mind? Who would ever think a stove top was a good place to leave your baby?

Guess who she's married to

Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Sean Connery.

Life is not fair.

Nike, what the hell were you thinking?

Nike has put out a new commercial featuring Tiger Woods. He's standing there, staring at the camera looking all sad and pathetic, while his father's voice tells him to reflect on his mistakes.

He has now evolved from sleazoid fuckaholic to self-serving prick who exploits his own dead father. Does Nike really think this will rehabilitate his image?

Do they really think this will enhance their image?

Watch the ad here.

We will now return to your regularly scheduled life

I had my appointment with the GYN Oncologist today. He said based on the pathology report, the history and the exam he did, he believes they got all the cancer.

He said we don't have to do more surgery or follow up treatment at this time. I could just go in for regular testing to check for a recurrence.

But he recommends that we do the surgery to see what's going on in there. He doesn't expect to find any more cancer. If there is, we'll deal with it. If there isn't, we will have to discuss the pros and cons of chemo or radiation as a precaution or doing nothing at all. If I understood what he was saying, he's in favor of doing chemo but we need to weigh the benefit vs. the side effects.

They can't do the surgery for six weeks because it's dangerous to do another abdominal surgery so soon after the first. So I now drift happily down the river of denial like none of this ever happened.

I'll worry about it next month.

I still hate people

So I'm trying to keep myself occupied with inane and cheap entertainment to keep from dwelling on the fact that I fucking have FUCKING CANCER and the next few months of my life will be filled with PAIN and ANXIETY and SICKNESS and then after I go through all that shit I MIGHT DIE.

So I'm hanging out on an online forum, having mostly light-hearted conversations with people I've never met and never will, and this FUCKING BITCH jumps all over me for something she thinks I said which I DID NOT SAY at all.

She totally misread my post. Several people had posted replies after my post and before hers that made it clear THEY got what I was saying.

So she attacks me out of nowhere - she wasn't even part of the discussion before I posted - I was replying to someone else. She was looking for a fight. I was trying to avoid one. But the nature of that forum is that once one person jumps you for something, others pile on, so instead of ignoring her - which I wish to god I had done - I replied. Not angry, not getting my hackles up, just explaining: I said this, I meant that, I thought this here made that clear.

And she goes ballistic on me - complaining that *I* am SCOLDING her? And no matter what I tried to say to explain myself and cool her off, she just would not stop.

Now she'll probably google me, find my blog, and go back to the forum to complain that I'm all rude for writing this on my blog. Boo hoo.

No, dear - putting a link to a picture of you and a link to your profile would be rude.

Happy Easter

Quote of the day

I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist.

~ from Shit My Dad Says

Danke schoen, darling

I've seen morticians do better work than this.

Speaking of bad photoshop

I guess it was just too much trouble to get the whole family together for a portrait. Was this a warning of a mass murder in the future?

source

The guy with the braids freaks me out

It looks like he's picking something out of his butt. The picture is from a collection of photoshopped porn images.

More here. (NSFW)

Don't all go to the same side of the island at once

Rep. Hank Johnson of Georgia is afraid we're sending so much military personnel to Guam that the island is in danger of tipping over. That's what he said at a House Armed Services hearing. Now, he says it was a joke. You be the judge.

He looked and sounded intoxicated, which may be a result of Hepatitis C. A news source says it causes him to get "lost in thought in the middle of a discussion."

And this guy is serving on the committee that deals with guns and missiles and soldiers because ... ?