A little morbid but mostly being practical

In about six hours, I'll be meeting with my oncologist to find out what stage my cancer is, what kind of treatment he recommends, and the odds that I'll still be alive five years from now.

I tried going to bed a couple of hours ago, but all I could do is lay there and think about everything I need to do before I die. Most people would be making a list of things they've always wanted to do - like go on a cruise, learn how to play the piano, make amends with old frenemies.

But I'm focused on the practical stuff, like cleaning out my file drawers, deleting the embarrassing stuff from my computer, organizing my family history stuff so I can pass it on to someone. I'm thinking about all the things I could sell if I'm not going to be around to hoard them for the next 20 years. Also thinking about distributing family heirlooms, but most of the people in my family have little interest in those.

My 12 year old niece covets the costume jewelry that belonged to my great grandmother. I want her to have it someday but I'm afraid she'll trash it if I give it to her now. I think my nephew might appreciate the cookie jar that belonged to my grandmother.

I'd like to make a quilt for each of my 3 nieces and my nephew. And I need to talk to my bachelor brother to see if he'll give my cats a home. (Although they're elderly and they've both been sick, so I might outlive them yet.)

Mostly, I would just downsize. There's a ton of stuff I'm hanging onto that no one else in my family would want. I'd also like to arrange a pre-paid funeral. Since I won't be leaving any money behind, I think I'll pay in advance for my cremation.

It would be nice if my circumstances aren't really as dire as I think they are. But based on my googling, I think my cancer is stage III, and I've only got a 50% chance of survival.

I'll find out more in a few hours. But do I really want to know?