Update on dread

My cat has "significant heart disease" - a heart murmur and tachycardia. He's going to be at the vet overnight and they're running a bunch of tests to see if there's anything else going on.

And now girl cat is vomiting. She didn't meet me at the door like usual, she didn't eat all the food I put out this morning, and she isn't begging for her canned food like she normally would. She's hiding under the bed.

She might be upset because boy cat's gone but I'm considering the possibility that their food was poisoned.

Dread

Boy cat is sick. A few nights ago, he was running back and forth in the apartment bouncing off the walls and meowing loudly. I thought he might have a urine blockage - it happened to another tomcat I had years ago and that's exactly how he acted.

I was going to call the vet but by morning, boy cat had settled down and everything seemed fine.

Last night, instead of staying in the living room with me like he normally does - usually on my lap - he went off to the bedroom by himself and lay down in a corner where he doesn't normally sleep. He stayed there all night. He didn't eat like normal when I put out some food at bedtime and he didn't jump in bed with me.

This morning, he was still in the same corner. Normally, he'd be in my face, licking me and begging for food as soon as I got up. He stayed in the corner - awake, watching me - and he didn't come out even when I offered him food.

I called the vet. They haven't seen him since 1998 and were a little incredulous that no one else has seen him in all those years. Sorry. I can't pay my own medical bills, how am I supposed to pay for an annual checkup for a healthy cat? I bring them in when they're sick.

We have an appointment in an hour. Debbie Downer is expecting very bad news.

A few quickies

• Today's Jeopardy answer: In his Ford Explorer at the Elmwood Cemetery with an 18 year old stripper, a bag of sex toys and a dose of Viagra. The question: Where did South Carolina's assistant Attorney General Roland Corning get arrested?

Note to Roland: If you do get caught in those circumstances, don't flash your badge. The cops might call your office to verify you work there, and your wife who works there too might answer the phone. She might be pissed.

• Somebody doesn't have a sense of humor: Some kids in Utah got a ticket for rapping their order at the McDonald's drive thru.

• Harry Johnson. I just like the name.

• Have you ever wanted to kick a guy in the balls? Some chick in Canada has been walking up to random men on the street and doing just that.

• If you want to gross out your dinner guests on Halloween, this is the recipe for you.

• Fark headline of the day: Trick-or-Treaters are like little Swine Flu commandos, who will infiltrate your home and infect you and everyone you love.

I know a four year old who does this

Just yesterday, she drew glasses and Groucho Marx eyebrows on her face. The differences between the four year old and these guys:

1. She's smart enough to use washable markers and not a sharpie.

2. She doesn't go out and rob people.

3. She wouldn't use a 1994 Buick Roadmaster as a getaway car.

4. She knows everybody will still recognize her even when she's covered in marker.

The picture is from The Smoking Gun. The geniuses in the picture are home town boys from very close to where I grew up. There's not much to do here this time of year. Too late to watch the corn grow, too early to smash the pumpkins.

Naughty tidbits

These were too good to pass up:

• You've heard the expression "wear your heart on your sleeve." Now you can wear your pussy on your heart. An enterprising young woman has in Florida makes hand-sculpted vulva pendants. Send her a picture of yours and she'll make you one. She also makes breast pillows, vagina key chains, and pussy pillows with a secret pocket to store your vibrator.

• Ever fantasized about getting a blow job from a vampire? Try one of these.

Miscellaneous

I didn't realize it's been almost a week since I posted. Just preoccupied with other stuff, I guess.

The weather is gorgeous. Bright sun, clear blue sky, cool temp, and the leaves are falling. So why did I spend most of the day inside?

A few things I read today:

• A woman in Florida had both her arms and legs amputated six years ago as the result of a misdiagnosed infection. Now, her 11 year old daughter and 10 year old son are taking care of her. They have to help her put on her prostheses every day and get dressed and put on her makeup, as well helping with the cooking and other chores. The father left the family.

• Harry Reid announced that there will be a public option in the Senate health care bill. Now let's wait for Ben Nelson to fuck this up.

• MSNBC story about families with "good" insurance going broke from medical bills.

Quote of the day

From the old Procter & Gamble Satanism libel to tales of more recent vintage about President Obama’s faith and citizenship, Internet-fueled rumors seem to run rampant. And, frighteningly, Christians seem at the very least to be as susceptible as the population at large to the habit of spreading false stories.

So, why are Christians so willing to believe unsubstantiated rumors? And more troubling, why are Christians, who should hold the highest standards of truth-telling, so eager to spread such rumors -- and even downright libels?

~ from Associated Baptist Press

Angry, hurt, confused

This is one of those times I really wish I never told anyone in real life about my blog. Something happened today that I want to post about and I can't.

The bigots are getting bolder

A Justice of the Peace in Louisiana refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple. He said he's not a racist because he marries black couples all the time but he believes the children of interracial marriages will suffer.

No, this didn't happen in 1959. It happened last week.

Meanwhile, four Republican members of Congress claim that Muslim Americans are plotting against the U.S. by posing as Capitol Hill interns. Rep. Sue Myrick of NC says that "Manchurian interns" have infiltrated national security-related committees in Congress.

Beware the Gay-1 N-1 virus

How many homophobic bigots are in the U.S. House of Representatives? At least 53.

That's how many Republican congressmen signed a letter to President Obama demanding that he fire the director of the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools, Kevin Jennings. They're attacking him for "promoting homosexuality and pushing a pro-homosexual agenda."

You know you gotta watch out for dem dare faggots, 'cause it's catching.

Maybe they need to come up with a Gay Flu shot. Would they support health care reform if it included that?

The best part of this story - my congressman is the gang leader. Iowa's own little pumpkin head Steve King.

I slapped together some quickies

Here goes ...

• Somebody burgled a concession stand in New Orleans:

Police are asking that anyone ... whose child may have arrived home smelling of pickles or jalapenos during the weekend, contact Detective Brian Nicaud ...

Don't most teenagers smell like pickles and jalapenos?

• The Sopranos Russian-style: A $1.5 million SUV with diamond-encrusted white gold gauges, gold-plated bulletproof windows, and whale penis leather interior. And Ricardo Montalban thought he had it made with rich Corinthian leather.

• Zombieland: A 21 year old soldier on leave from Afghanistan got carded when he went to see the movie. He got mad and told the clerk he had killed 18 people in the war. Then he killed #19 - he shot himself in the head.

• You're 40 and struggling with infertility. You finally get pregnant through in vitro, then the clinic calls and says they gave you the wrong embryo. Happens more often than you might think. The couple in this Ohio case are giving the baby to the biological parents. Can you imagine what it's like to want a baby so bad and feel it moving inside you and know you have to hand it over to someone else when it's born?

• The 10 year old mermaid girl from TLC and Oprah is in the hospital with pneumonia. Her kidney has shut down and she may not survive.

• Ever feel guilty when you walk past the Salvation Army bell ringers without dropping any money in the bucket? Here's why you shouldn't.

Quote of the day

I was not sucking his dick - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest ... Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a fucking rubber neck.

If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's dick' - but it is not true and that's what is pissing me off ...

It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me.

But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.

~ Allyson White, who's accused of causing car accident in Humpty Doo

Jon Stewart nails CNN

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
CNN Leaves It There
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Quote of the day

"Don't you think that comments like that patronize Obama? Where do these people come from?"

~ Nobel panel member Aagot Valle, on criticism of Obama's win

For the Seattle fiend

Hugh O'Brian, John Bromfield, Rock Hudson, Scott Brady and Tony Curtis. Happy weekend.

A creepy feeling

I was in the health and beauty section of Walmart today and I overhead a conversation between a girl who was about 10 or 11 and a guy in his 20s. They were both hispanic but speaking English. He was asking her to help him find a gift for his little girl.

The way he interacted with her made my skin crawl. It was obvious he was someone she didn't know very well, if at all, and he kept asking her stupid questions like "What's this for?" or "Would my little girl like this?" They were looking at kids' shampoos and bubblebaths and things like that. He was drawing her in more and more, telling her she was being so helpful, and getting her to crouch down with him to look at things on a bottom shelf.

I have no idea if she came to the store with him or he found her in there. I kept hanging nearby, pretending to look for something myself, and wondering where the hell her mother was.

I did not want to leave that girl alone with that man. But I did. I'm still thinking about it hours later, wondering what I should have done. There wasn't a single thing he said or did that crossed a line where I could have stepped in and told him to get the hell away from her.

In hindsight, I feel like I could've walked over to them and said, "Hey, my niece loves this." Or even walked straight up to her and said, "Do you know this guy?"

And why did the fact that they were hispanic make me more reluctant to intervene?

What do you do when you sense disaster looming but you're not sure if it's a real disaster or just your own bad memories giving you the creeps?

Her cold, dead hands

From pennlive.com:

Meleanie Hain, the pistol-carrying Lebanon mom who received national attention for taking a loaded gun to her daughter’s soccer game, was shot to death Wednesday night with her husband in an apparent murder-suicide, police said.

Hain, 31, and her husband, Scott, 33, were pronounced dead by Lebanon County Coroner Dr. Jeffrey Yocum shortly after 8:30 p.m. at their home at Second Avenue and East Grant Street, Lebanon, police said.

The couple’s three children were home at the time and were not injured. They are staying with relatives and friends, police said.

You live by the gun, you die by the gun.

At the time of the soccer incident, the sheriff said she showed poor judgment so he revoked her carry permit. A judge restored her permit but asked her to conceal the gun at soccer games. She continued to carry it openly. And she sued the sheriff, explaining:

"I am a victim of Sheriff Michael DeLeo’s. I am a victim of those in society as a direct result of his actions as well. The way people look at me sometimes when I am out running errands, I feel as if I am wearing a scarlet letter, and really it’s a Glock 26."

Well, at least she doesn't have to worry about people looking at her now.

Humpty Doo, humpty don't

My dad was a volunteer fireman. He and his buds got together at the firehouse twice a week for "practice" which meant playing cards and drinking. They loved to play jokes on each other.

I'm reminded of that because of a story I just read. Seven firefighters in Florida are facing possible prosecution for a prank they pulled on a co-worker. The guys got liquored up at a baby shower (you read that right) then went over to their buddy's house. They were going to TP his yard but the door was unlocked so they went inside and took the clothes out of his closet, wrapped paper towels around his tv, stuffed plastic bags and pubic hair in a toilet, and scattered unused condoms on the floor.

In my hometown, that was called Saturday night. Nobody ever got prosecuted back then.

Time for some quickies.

• Just read this health care reform news: It's a public option compromise that looks promising to me.

• Gohmert Pile: This guy really has it in for necrophiliacs and dog fuckers but hey, he voted for Alan Keyes.

• Speaking of dog lovers, this is from a news report on a council meeting in Pomona, Ontario:

A possibly less-than-credible man during public comment complained that a local minister asked him "to have sex with a young girl," and despite his refusal, he had witnessed parishioners "kissin' on each other and lickin' on a dog."

"If you think I'm lyin'," he added righteously, "ask my probation officer."

• What kind of guy goes after his mother with a knife? The kind whose mother kicks out the window of the police car after she's arrested. There's an alligator involved.

• What kind of teenager goes on an 18-month burglary spree that includes joy rides in stolen planes? The kind whose mom says, "I hope to hell he stole those airplanes - I would be so proud."

• How much is your penis worth? A guy in Georgia got more than $9 million for his. And it didn't even get amputated - just scarred. He paid a company $1200 for a substance he was supposed to inject in his penis 3 times a week, as a treatment for erectile dysfunction.

That's right - he got $9 million for a penis that hadn't been working in the first place. And he gave himself the injections that caused the scars.

• I'm chuckling at this discussion thread on Fark. Make sure you read the headline at the top.

• For a fun way to while away an afternoon, check out Damn Cool Pics.

• Humpty Doo = a town in Australia. Humpty don't = road head.

Keith

Tonight on Countdown, Keith Olbermann did an hour-long special comment about the state of health care in the U.S. It wasn't his usual bombastic tirade - it was his own story about his father's recent medical crisis, his mother's death last spring, the critical illness of a friend's daughter and how everyone's health is compromised by insurance companies and the fear of financial ruin.

It was so good, I sat through the show twice and plan to watch it again later. You can read the transcript or watch the video here.

Jon & Kate plus h8te

This started out being a post with multiple quickies but I ran out of energy and ideas, so it's just a post about a family with multiples.

I've avoided writing about this, although it's hard to avoid hearing about it. The story of the Gosselin family divorce is everywhere. The latest is that Jon took more than $200,000 out of their joint bank account, leaving only $1000 behind. This despite a court order banning either of them from taking that much. Kate was on the Today show this morning crying about it.

I'm not sure which is worse - his drinking and carousing and spending binges, or her in the press constantly complaining about it. They're both despicable.

Quote of the day

We may be slow learners, but the rest of the industrial world has figured it out: Universal, single-payer or national health care systems. That's the reason why all those other countries cover everyone, have better patient outcomes, cause no one to declare bankruptcy or lose their homes because of medical bills, and spend less than half per capita on health care than we do.

We could do it too, by reducing the starting age for Medicare from 65 to 0. There's still time to act.

~ Michael Moore

(Watch Michael's speech here.)

When I have nothing interesting to say ...

I say it with eye candy. Viggo Mortensen.