Damned yank-ee

The housing inspector is coming tomorrow and there's a good chance I'm going to be forced to move. My landlord has had since January to repair the water heater and it's not fixed yet. The water is still dangerously hot. I thought it was taken care of - the boiler guys installed the new valve and it seemed fine for a few days. Then it went back to being hot again.

The good news is I don't need new brakes. I took the car in to have them checked and they're fine. I think I might get by without replacing the radiator too. I've only had to add antifreeze once since January.

Some quickies:

• Should bars and restaurants have the right to police what pregnant women drink? A British pub kicked out a woman who was 5 months pregnant because she wanted a beer. Most experts say that 1 or 2 drinks a week are safe during pregnancy, and some studies show it may even be beneficial.

• A British anesthetist is on trial for using the hands of unconscious patients to masturbate. The "Whaaaaaa?" part of this story is that 2 different staff members saw him do it on 3 different occasions before he was stopped.

• Another guy in the U.K. got busted for cheating when his wife spotted his car parked in front of the other woman's house on Google Streetview. Paranoid yet?

• More wackiness from the Brits: A guy was arrested for exposing himself and masturbating in park. He told the cops he had a stick AND a flashlight up his ass because he was depressed. (What? He couldn't find any pine cones?)

• Wish you were here - Miss Universe's blogged her recent visit to Guantanamo:

"We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the(y) recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting," Mendoza wrote of Gitmo. "I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful."

• A deputy sheriff in Denver has been convicted of animal cruelty after he maced a rabbit. Something tells me he won't be getting a basket of jelly beans on Easter morning.

• More details on the Boston man who stabbed one sister to death and beheaded another. The little girl pictured saw the whole thing. She only survived because the police shot her brother before he could finish her off.

• A side effect of the bad economy: Domestic violence is up in Florida. When people are laid off, they're home more and the severity and frequency of attacks increase.

• Fark headline of the day: If your dentist's office consists of a lawn chair in the back of a pickup truck, you might want to consider finding a new dentist. (the story)

• When a guy in Thailand got drunk at a party and passed out, one of his friends took his pants off and used string to tie his penis to his toe. When his friends woke him up, he tried to stand and the string yanked his organ.

You thought that was the end of the story? Nope - months later, the guy with the yanked organ got revenge by raping his friend's wife:

“I don’t feel sorry for what I’ve done,” Mr Narongchit said, “but I feel happy to have released my anger."

Well, okay then.

No, I don't have a stick up my ass - I have a pine cone up my vagina

A 23 year old in Boston stabbed one of his sisters to death, decapitated another, and seriously injured a third before police killed him.

The family's attorney said the guy never gave any indication that he was capable of this kind of violence.

I guess they forgot about 4 years ago when he was arrested for punching another sister in the face. Or the time he was arrested for getting into a violent confrontation with other teens. Or the time he was arrested for carrying a gun into a liquor store. Or the time he got into a fist fight with a neighbor - the night before he killed his sisters.

Quickies:

• The Texas Department of Criminal Justice has an online list of the final meals requested by the 310 inmates they executed from 1982 to 2003. Fried chicken is always popular on death row.

• Two Aussie daycare workers are in prison after they took out a knife and threatened to cut off a 4 year old's penis. The boy kept exposing himself and they thought the threats would get him to stop. Now, the boy's family has hidden the knives in their home because he keeps threatening to cut himself.

• How much is a boy's penis worth? $2.3 million, according to a jury in Atlanta. That's how much they awarded the baby whose penis was partially amputated during a botched circumcision.

• "I've been keeping my nose clean and staying out of trouble." So says the guy in Saginaw who got arrested for having sex with a car wash vacuum hose. If it'd been his nose he was trying to clean, he never would've been in trouble in the first place.

• Equal time for the fair sex: A woman in Serbia had surgery to remove the pine cone that was stuck in her vagina.

She didn't have a tampon handy?

Turn ons: Edible fashion - chocolate is the new black.
Turn offs: You got penis on my bologna.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

A judge in Spain has opened the door for prosecuting some of the Bushies for authorizing torture at Guantanamo. The potential defendants include former Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez; former undersecretary of defense for policy Douglas Feith; former Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff David Addington; Justice Department officials John Yoo and Jay S. Bybee; and Pentagon lawyer William Haynes.

Maybe the Spaniards are still pissed off about Bush and McCain saying Spain isn't really one of our allies.

If Obama's not willing to clean up our mess, looks like someone else will.

Caption it

(Thanks to the Seattle Fiend who forwarded this.)

Quote of the day

"Well, Glenn, I have experienced that throughout my political career, being labeled a kook."

~ Michelle Bachmann, to the equally nutty Glenn Beck


(If you're not familiar with Bachmann, read here and here and here.)

Christian sex toys

Well, isn't that special?

I saw this on a message board. A woman who works as a psychotherapist was responding to a question about most embarrassing moments. She told about the time she was working with a couple and they said they were using Christian sex toys. She had no idea what that would be but felt it wasn't the right time to ask.

So another woman on the board googled and found book22.com. The name refers to the 22nd book of the bible, The Song of Solomon. Which if you've never read it, you should. It's an erotic love poem. In the bible. Old Testament, of course.

Anyway, book22.com sells "sin-free" sex toys. From NPR:

"We pray about things before we add them to our site," [the founder] says. "We live our lives very openly in front of Jesus, so we just kind of pray for direction about which way he would have us go, and I have to be honest with you — he's really surprised us. ... Almost our whole entire 'special order' page has come about from that."

It takes some extra clicks to find the really naughty stuff. Here's my fave. Note that it says "Sold As Novelty Only." They have to say that to get past the laws in Alabama and a few other backwards places. (Note: I said "backwards" not "back door" because that is strictly forbidden. Or maybe not.)

Book22 also offers the Quite Decadent Indulgence 3. They even have non-piecing nipple rings and remote-control vibrating thongs, for the woman who's not quite submissive enough.

But the Church Lady says not to waste your money - just use your finger, girls.

Beware the two o'clock titty

My cat is snoring. She's laying on my feet right now - for which I'm grateful since they were cold - and seriously, she snores as loud as I do.

This week on American Idol, Paula gave Simon a coloring book and a box of crayons because he was acting like a child. He drew a mustache on her face. I love it when they play around like that.

With 2 exceptions (Michael and Megan) the performances were great this week. Michael got booted off.

Adam, the musical theater queen (pictured) - I'm in love with him. He's amazing. Even if he did look like the love child of K.D. Laing and Elvis this week.

Some quickies:

• A sad story to remind everyone what human beings are capable of: In 1944, Izak and Pepi Altenhaus were on a train bound for Auschwicz, he wrote a note to their children and tossed it out the train window. Someone found it and delivered it to them. Izak and Pepi were murdered along with 417 others who were on the train. Sixty-five years later, the letter is still cherished by their grandsons.

• Now for something happy. Online dating really can lead to a happy relationship, like the British couple in Chessington who just had a baby. The only reason I mention this is because they're gorillas.

• No vampires here. Move along now. So says the headmaster at Boston Latin School, in response to rumors that there are 3 students who believe they're vampires and one of them bit someone.

• From an NBC affiliate:

As drivers enter San Francisco via the Octavia Street off-ramp, and they crest the small hill at Haight street, if their trip is timed just right and the sun is out, they will be greeted by one of the funniest landmarks this city has to offer: the two o'clock titty ...

I first heard about this on SFist, where they had a link to artolog's photo stream from flickr with a picture of the afternoon shadow creeping across St. Mary's Cathedral producing an image that as artolog states is, "better than the face of the Virgin Mary on a tortilla."

Need I say more?

But Wang is on the rise

Remember Alfie, the 12 year old boy who fathered a child with his 15 year old girlfriend Chantelle? Not his.

Time for more quickies:

• The aliens made him do it. That's the excuse the guy in Alaska gave for killing a guy and shooting a woman. He didn't offer an excuse for hacking his mother and stepfather with a machete, leaving the stepdad dead.

• Ever wonder why there's no cure for the common cold? Maybe it's because the CDC is busy warning brides to exercise and eat right - and don't forget to pack "helmets, life jackets, and knee pads" for your honeymoon.

• Unfortunately, they left out the warning not to take ecstasy at wedding parties. Two teenagers recently died from so doing.

• If you're nervous about that trip to Mexico because of the rampaging drug cartels, here's another thing to worry about: killer whales.

• Speaking of wildlife, my second favorite Fark headline of the day: It may not be specifically referenced in the Bible, but "plague of gerbils" sure sounds a lot like a sign of the apocalypse.

• My favorite Fark headline of the day?

Man is angry about a minor accident between neighbors and his wife, so he does the practical thing: leaves a vulgar note, destroys a ceramic pot, drops his pants, and threatens the neighbors with a stick. The aristocrats. (story)

• If people came into your home and spied on you and reported your actions to the government, would you kick them out? If you found out the lawyer for those people had publicly stated you deserved to have your kids taken away before any of these people even met you or your kids, would you want them in your house? Octomom didn't - that's why she kicked the so-called helpers out of her house.

I'm siding with her on this one. Dr. Phil and Gloria Allred be damned - they're bigger attention whores than Nadya.

• When a woman in China threatened to kill herself by jumping out a 7th story window, her boyfriend tried to catch her. She landed on him. He's dead, she's fractured and confused.

• Colonoscopy. It's not just uncomfortable and embarrassing. Iyou get it done at the V.A., you could catch hepatitis or HIV because they don't sterilize the equipment. And you thought drinking all that milk of magnesia was the worst part of the ordeal.

• "I think any respectable citizen would be against crack," said Tennessee State Rep. Karen Camper during debate over proposed legislation. But she's not talking about drugs - it's the "Saggy Pants Bill" which would outlaw "knowingly wear pants below the waistline, in a public place, in a manner that exposes the person's underwear or bare buttocks."

Apparently, Tennessee is the only state in the nation that's not going through a financial crisis, since they have time to worry about some stupid kid's pimply ass.

• "Pornography is something hard to imagine." I admit I took that line from the article totally out of context. A Minnesota church runs a boot camp for men who are addicted to porn. At the end of the 16 week indoctrination, the ministers tell the guys:

"Confess your sins, then go over to the foot of the cross and plant your white flag of surrender on purity hill."

Doesn't that sound like a line from a cheesy XXX?

• Actual headline from Aussie news site: Name shame causes Cock shrinkage but Wang is on the rise

Reading, writing, no arithmetic

I've discovered the only way I can finish a book is to read it all in one day. So I've read 2 books in the last 2 days. The first was a Patricia Cornwell mystery, "The Front." The second was a true crime story, "Twisted Triangle."

I checked them both out from the library at the same time and ironically, I didn't know that Cornwell was a participant in the true crime story. She had an affair with a female FBI agent whose husband, also an FBI agent, was abusive. He kidnapped the wife, got off for that, and several years later tried to kill her.

Neither book was all that great. The writing was competent, the plots mildly interesting, but I've read much better.

The female agent, Margo Bennett, was the classic abused wife. She saw lots of warning signs that her husband was potentially dangerous but she didn't get out while the getting was good. She lost her job at the FBI as a result of what happened. The writer and Margo herself seemed to think that wasn't fair, but I thought it was.

She turned a blind eye to what her husband was doing - he defrauded the FBI and was involved in other criminal acts and she knew or should have known what he was doing plus reaped the financial benefits. She didn't deserve to keep her job. At the time, he had never been physically abusive or threatened her.

Once he went to prison, she moved on with her life and still works in law enforcement. I'm glad for that.

My insomnia is different than what's normal for me. Usually when I can't sleep, I have lots of anxiety, racing thoughts and thoughts about killing myself. What's been going on the last couple of weeks is I just lay there staring at the ceiling wide awake even though I'm tired. Today (or yesterday since it's already Thursday) I looked up the newest med I'm taking. Insomnia is one of the main side effects.

It's for low thyroid. I'm supposed to get my levels checked again this week but I'm not supposed to see the doctor for a few more months. Not sure what I'm going to do.

The picture is Patricia Cornwell. Hot but not my type - my type being hairy people with penises.

What's going on

Cue the Marvin Gaye soundtrack. Anyway.

My sleep cycle is screwed up again. I slept all day on Saturday and Sunday and stayed up all night. On Monday, I slept maybe a total of 4 hours, and that was in short naps. It's almost 3 a.m. and I'm wide awake now.

Last week, I missed my appointment with my psych doc. Totally spaced it off. I'm thinking about that because I just now remembered I have an appointment with my therapist in the morning. When my sleep is screwed up, I lose track of what day it is - even what week.

On Tuesday, I babysat for some friends. Their 3 year old daughter was crabby as hell - the first time I've ever seen her that way. I assumed (later found out I was right) that she hadn't slept the night before. We were a sweet pair.

She was happy to see me when I got there, but as soon as her dad left she started crying and said she wanted him back, that she didn't want me to be her babysitter, that she wanted her aunt to come instead, that she didn't like me, that she wanted me to leave, that I was stupid, and on and on and on. All this when nothing had happened - I hadn't disciplined her for anything, it wasn't nap time, etc.

It hurt my feelings. I knew she didn't mean any of the stuff she was saying - she was just being a 3 year old. I wanted to make her go to bed right then, but she's been fighting with her parents and with me about taking naps so I don't want to use going to bed as punishment.

I gave her the silent treatment. Or as the child psychologists call it - ignoring bad behavior. I just went on about my business doing other things. She pouted for awhile, then she started playing. She meowed and I pretended I was looking for the kitty. She then went through her entire repertoire of animal noises. Everything was fine from then on.

I got her to go down for her nap early - although she thought it was the regular time - and she didn't fight it at all. We read a story, I turned on her music and she was passed out within a minute.

What else? Can't remember if I posted this, but I cut my finger 2 weeks ago - all the way to the bone. The wound healed but it apparently did some nerve damage. My finger is numb most of the time and I get shooting pains when I touch it or move it certain ways. The pain seems to be subsiding a bit so I hope it'll go away on its own.

My car needs new brakes, the radiator is still cracked and it's still leaking oil. But it starts right up and takes me where I want to go. Today the windshield wipers even worked.

My apartment manager seems to think we're buddies now. My next door neighbors had a party last Friday - loud music, laughing and shouting in the hallway at 3 a.m. Your basic drunken spectacle. It's been happening about once a week. The manager called me Sunday - apparently other neighbors complained and he wanted to know if I could verify what they said and if I knew for sure which apartment it was. He said he's going to evict them. I'll give him points for that. Even though he still hasn't fixed the door to my storage closet.

Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to say. But hey, I posted beefcake.

Turn ons: Marvin Gaye
Turn offs: sleep deprivation

Seriously, don't they look related?

Robert Redford from "The Natural" (I think) and Brad Pitt from "A River Runs Through It," which was directed by Redford. I had a novel rolling around in my head for years about a love triangle where father and son fell for the same woman. When I saw "A River" I thought Redford and Pitt would be perfect for the parts. The older guy had to be hot to attract a younger woman away from Brad, right?

Anyway, I finished the novel. Sort of. The first draft was 1300 pages. I've edited it down to about 650 but I still have a ways to go.

The original Brad

Redford. Long sigh. I'll try to post something sensible later today.

Candid camera

Country singer LeAnn Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian, both married to other people, are being hounded by the tabloids because of an alleged affair. The "evidence" is a very hazy video of the two of them walking into a restaurant and having dinner. There's a snippet where they're either kissing or she's whispering something in his ear.

None of that matters to me. I'm only writing about it because the video came from surveillance cameras placed outside and inside the restaurant. It creeps me out that those things are everywhere and now those tapes are being released to the public.

Makes a girl think twice about picking a booger for fear it'll end up on YouTube.

More quickies:

• A shopkeeper in England uses a black magic marker to label the packages from candy, chips and soft drinks with the name of the kid who bought them as a way to get them to stop littering. And it's working.

• A mother in Illinois took her 12 year old daughter to her pastor for counseling because the girl said she'd been sexually abused. The mother didn't believe her and neither did the pastor, so he spanked her. The girl. With a piece of wood. 15-20 times per session. With the mother's permission. Now the pastor has been convicted of battery and the guy who sexually abused the girl is awaiting trial. The mother apparently got off scot free.

• Witch hunt. In Gambia. Amnesty International says about 1000 people have been kidnapped by witch doctors accompanied by police, soldiers, intelligence agents and the president's personal guards. They're beaten and tortured and forced to confess they're witches before being released. A few of the victims have died.

• Fark headline of the day: Teen girl suspended for giving Viagra pills to fellow students, thinks school officials were too hard on her. (story here)

Terror

Ever since 9/11, I've heard people who live in New York and other places talk about their fear of another terrorist attack. And there are lots of people in big cities around the country who deal with the prospect of gang violence on a daily basis.

But where I live, there is rarely any random violence. Crime here is usually something like a guy killing his wife or a couple of teenagers getting in a fight and knifing each other. I just don't worry that some nutcase is going to bomb my town or that some hoodlum is going to pull a gun on me.

Tonight, I went to Walmart to pick up a few things. It was funny the store wasn't as busy as it would normally be that time of day but I got a good parking spot.

Then I ran into my brother in the bread department. He was stocking shelves - he works for a bread company. He got a very concerned look and said, "Did you see the news?"

Turns out there had been some kind of warning put out that there were rumors about a gang initiation. Wannabe gangsters were supposed to shoot 3 women in Walmart at 6:00 tonight.

It was 5:45 when we were having this conversation. All of a sudden, I noticed a couple of young guys in camouflage walking through the meat department. There was an older guy (like 30) hanging nearby talking on a cell phone.

And I was scared - scared to be in the store, scared to go out to the parking lot. Even though I didn't believe anything like that would happen - in fact, I thought my brother might be BS'ing me - I was looking around trying to decide where I'd hide if the shooting started.

So for about 10 minutes this afternoon, I got a peek at what it's like to live in NYC or London or Detroit. I'm glad I live in the middle of nowhere.

Update: I found out this whole thing was a hoax, even though some of the local news outlets were treating it as real. Apparently, this one's been going around for a long time.

Sometimes love hurts

On the dresser, onto the antique sewing machine, down the side of the dresser and on the carpet. That's where my boy cat puked an hour ago.

Not the typical cacking up a hairball or "my eyes were too big for my stomach and I ate too fast" kind of puke. This is the "mommy, I'm sick and I need to go the doctor" kind.

He's been doing this off and on for weeks now. Last night, it was on the back of the couch, down the front and onto the cushion. He'll do it several times a day for a couple of days. If I had the money, I probably would've taken him to the vet already but every time I was about to break down and make the call, he stops doing it.

He isn't showing any other signs of illness - he eats, sleeps, plays, cuddles with me and fights with girl cat no more or less than normal. He might be losing weight but it's hard to tell because his fur's thick.

As I started writing this, he just threw up again on the carpet behind me. Smells lovely.

I feel guilty for not already having him at the vet but I'm sitting here with my own mouthful of rotting teeth that I can't afford to fix. The vet will want to run tests so it'll be a couple hundred bucks before we even know what's wrong. And if it's anything that requires surgery or expensive meds or other treatments, the best I'll be able to do is try to keep him comfortable and have him put to sleep if his quality of life gets too bad.

Yes, I'm starting to cry as I type this. He's 12 years old. The last cat I lost lived to be 17. She had cancer and we kept her comfortable for a year before she became incontinent. She looked at me one day and the way she looked made me think it was time.

I called and made the appointment to have her put down. Later that afternoon, she rallied and I had second thoughts but I went through with it.

Of course, she was terrified of going to the vet, and when we got there, they shaved part of her tummy which distressed her even more. Then they gave her an injection that was supposed to relax her but only made her more frantic. Then they gave her the drug that stopped her heart. In the end, I felt she suffered more at the vet's office than she would have if I kept her home and let her die on her own.

I've regretted it ever since.

The last cat I lost before that was 13 when she died. She was practically feral even though she'd lived with me all her life. (Long story.) But she was terrified of people and would run if I tried to pick her up. My friend called her the gray ghost because all he ever saw of her was a blur as she ran away.

When she got sick, she just stopped eating and slept all the time. She didn't seem to be suffering - she was more at peace than normal and would purr and let me pet her. So I didn't take her in and she died in her sleep. That's the way I want to go.

So, my sweet boy cat, if you keep this up I'll take you to the vet. If it's something that can be diagnosed and treated without spending my entire month's income, that's what we'll do. If not, I'll bring you home and try to keep you comfortable. And remember that life isn't always comfortable all the time, so I won't give up on you just because you're having a down day.

If only I could do the same for myself.

The picture is from about 10 years ago. I posted it on eBay and the woman who bought the vase said she only looked at the listing because boy cat was so damn cute.

Turn ons: purrs and cuddles
Turn offs: medical bills

That's how we say it down on the farm

St. Patty's day is over so I'm playing around with my blog background again. I didn't find anything I liked for Easter but the flowers will do for now.

American Idol was really good Tuesday. Michael the roughneck gave the worst performance. I think he's in over his head so he's the only one I don't care to see again.

Meanwhile, the financial crisis - specifically the AIG stuff - makes me so angry I can't even think about it let alone write something. Here are a few links from TPM with contain links to other stories about AIG:

Best Practices
A Closer Look Please
Still More
And Still More

And this one's about the Republicans who bashed the 2009 spending bill because of the earmarks it contained when they themselves had inserted millions of dollars in their own earmarks. Assholes.

But there's one Republican I don't hate tonight. Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa said:

"It's irresponsible for corporations to give bonuses at this time when they're sucking the teat of the taxpayer."

You gotta love a farm boy.

Made me laugh

Not safe for work?

Here it is a few months later

It's spring, never mind the calendar

It got up to 76 yesterday and it's supposed to be just as warm today, so I'm counting this as spring. That brief interlude between when the snow melts and my allergies kick in.

Some quickies:

• The story on philly.com begins: It takes cojones to run on the narrow shoulder of the Schuylkill Expressway. But that doesn't mean drivers want to see them.

• From an article on CNN:

"It took a lot for me to put that ad on Craigslist, because I had to change what I was before," he said, breaking down in tears. "I wasn't this rich little yuppie anymore, driving expensive cars, having expensive suits ... It humbles you."

Get your mind out of the gutter. He was looking for a job.

• Makes you wonder what happened in Capulet: There's a town in Texas called Montague (they pronounce it mon-tayg with a homey cowboy twang). Their county jail is being described as Animal House meets Mayberry:

Inmates had the run of the place, having sex with their jailer girlfriends, bringing in recliners, taking drugs and chatting on cell phones supplied by friends or guards.

The former sheriff has been indicted for official oppression and having sex with female inmates. Nine guards are up on sex and drug charges and 4 inmates are also being prosecuted.

Barney Fife wants a transfer to Montague.

•Would you want to know if the previous owner of your home was murdered there? Someone's going to tell you eventually, but it probably won't be the real estate agent who has a commission riding on the deal. Under Minnesota law, he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to tell you about those ghosts in the attic or the ancient Indian burial ground either. And I agree with the law. It's one of many reasons you should talk to the neighbors before you make an offer.

• File this under and your little dog too:

"I went around the side of the house and that's when I found the snake ... Its belly was bulging - it looked like a great big coconut was inside it. I knew straight away that it had ate Bindi."

• Dark humor, Fark headline style: Iconic former Ritz-Carlton in Sydney to be demolished. Michael Hutchence all choked up about it.

• An old man in South Dakota with nothing but an ice scraper chased off a knife-wielding assailant. Listen, you have to be a hard ass to survive 71 winters in South Dakota.

• From Dayton Daily News:

Under a nearly full moon and amid a full-throated chorus of chirping peeper frogs, about 30 Centerville and Bellbrook high school students caught salamanders in the act of mating at Sugarcreek MetroPark this week.

And so far, not a single panty-twisted parent has started a campaign to fire the teacher. Awww, spring.

Turn ons: Sweet Williams
Turn offs: just looking at the picture of them makes me sneeze

Who knew they'd make a comeback

... and who wanted them too?

I once had shoes very similar to these, right down to the cork - the brown ones back in high school and the black ones in college. I used to wear them to work even though I was on my feet all day. Surprisingly, they were fairly comfortable.

The big difference between the new ones and the ones I had - these retail for about $300 a pair. Mine were knock offs from K-Mart and I think I got them for six bucks.

Only goes to prove I should never throw anything away.

China's last eunuch spills sex secrets

That's an actual headline from CNN. The first paragraph of the story:

Only two memories brought tears to Sun Yaoting's eyes in old age -- the day his father cut off his genitals, and the day his family threw away the pickled remains that should have made him a whole man again at death.

Also from the story:

His desperate father performed the castration on the bed of their mud-walled home, with no anesthetic and only oil-soaked paper as a bandage. A goose quill was inserted in Sun's urethra to prevent it getting blocked as the wound healed.

He was unconscious for three days and could barely move for two months. When he finally rose from his bed, history played the first of a series of cruel tricks on him -- he discovered the emperor he hoped to serve had abdicated several weeks earlier.

Made me shudder but I want to read the book they're talking about, The Last Eunuch of China. Not yet available on Amazon.

Some things are inevitable

Did you know old age starts at 27? That's when our mental powers begin their long, slow decline. The article notes:

Twenty-seven has long had negative connotations, as it is the age at which many popular musicians died, including Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain.

Maybe they killed themselves to avoid the inevitable descent into lost car keys and forgotten phone numbers that looms for us all?

More quickies:

• Did you know Henry VIII was incontinent? He was according to one historian. Emotionally incontinent that is, apparently because he was raised by women. And we all know what a bad influence women are. I guess that's why he killed the wives he couldn't divorce.

• Did you know I'm a cyberchondriac? Neither did I until now. That's someone who self-diagnoses based on stuff they read on the internet and then fears the worst.

• Did you know this is my favorite Fark headline of the day:

Liberians granted temporary protection in the US may be sent back to their country, threaten to take Dewey Decimal System with them. (story here)

• Did you know there's a game people play on message boards called did you know? Did you know that the rules are you have to start every sentence with did you know? Did you know it's annoying as hell but once you start, it's hard to stop?

Turn ons: Pringles - once you pop you can't stop; Lays - you can't eat just one
Turn offs: denying myself potato chips to get my blood pressure down; that's a real sign of old age

Save the humans - the earth isn't going anywhere

An Inconvenient Truth kind of reminds me a bit of some of the documentaries about Nostradamus and movies like The Day After, The Day After Tomorrow and Left Behind. A little hoaky and too simplistic with the thrill of a horror movie tossed in. (Spoiler alert: Freddy and Jason always come back.)

I believe we are damaging our environment in ways that will cause major long-term problems. I'll miss the polar bears when they're gone. But there are political motives and financial incentives behind the fad of "going green."

This article has an interesting perspective on global warming, saying that alarmists are using faulty computer models that exaggerate the potential danger.

I also believe in evolution - climate change isn't happening overnight. Species will adapt, new species will develop, and human ingenuity will ensure our survival. Okay, so maybe chimpanzees will lead an uprising and enslave us, but still, we will survive.

Sweet Jesus

The headline on Fark said "The Dead Sea scrolls were a hoax," which gave me a shock.

The article says something different - that the supposed authors of the Scrolls, the Essenes, were not what they were portrayed to be by the first century historian Josephus. They were said to number in the thousands, live communally and abstain from sex.

Now an Israeli scholar claims there weren't that many Essenes, they didn't live together and they certainly didn't abstain. But they were priests and they did take the Scrolls and other Hebrew texts with them when the Greeks banished them from the Temple of Jerusalem. Other scholars are sticking to the old story.

The guy in the picture is Jesus Luz and it's from an ad campaign he did with Madonna. He's her new boytoy.

Those other boys are pretty ...

... but this is more my style.

Giving Calvin equal time

Eye candy for the weekend

I'm ready to say buh-bye to winter

found this on my[confined]space

Try not to make it obvious that you’re wasted

That's one of many "tips, touts and tidbits" from a Texas columnist for students under 21 planning to spend spring break on Padre Island.

Also, if you're wasted, probably not a good idea to get on your hands and knees, bark like a dog and eat mud. Someone's bound to notice.

Speaking of dogs, yesterday I was pet sitting for some friends. Their little dog loves to play tag when it's time to go in her kennel. She was teasing me and when I tried to catch her, I bent forward and whacked my forehead on the fireplace mantle. I've got a big lump on it now. Lucky for the dog, I was too dizzy to chase her until I calmed down.

More quickies:

• Plastic surgeons will never warn you about this but you shouldn't ride a rollercoaster if you have implants. Your boobs might explode. At least that's what the dimwit from the British Big Brother said. She's an F cup.

• Remember that movie 9 to 5 where Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton drugged their boss's coffee and took over his job? This chick in Arkansas must've seen it too.

• Because parting with cash is such sweet sorrow: Now you can get married on Juliet's balcony in Verona, and it'll only cost you $1200. Plus airfare. And meals. And hotels.

• Fark headline of the day: Ten kids accidentally drink windshield wiper fluid at day care; employees noticed something was wrong when the kids started swaying back and forth rhythmically. (the story)

• The information might be free but the FBI can't find it. At least that's what they claim 66% of the time. Either they're really bad record keepers or they just don't want you to know what they have on you.

I guess they haven't heard about Bristol Palin

A New York middle school hosted a health fair featuring an HIV/AIDS awareness program. Afterwards, a community health center handed out goodie bags that included a condom and a pamphlet about how to use it. Now, people are pissing and moaning and the health center is apologizing for the "mistake."

One mother complained that she had to talk to her 13 year old son about it:

"We haven't actually had any conversations about the use of condoms because in our house I teach abstinence."

Because, you know, teenagers don't have sex so they don't need to know about those things. But if people really cared about kids, every school would be handing out condoms with instruction manuals.

Murder and other mayhem

Some people didn't like being around Maloy because he was such a big talker ... He could be a little obnoxious with his joking and boasting.

The quote is from an AP article about a man who's being recognized as a hero. Earlier this week, a guy in Alabama went on a shooting rampage and killed 10 people before he killed himself. Bruce Maloy witnessed some of the shootings and chased down the killer, ramming his car from behind, which slowed the guy down enough for the police to catch up. Maloy was the last victim of the rampage.

More quickies with a theme:

• This will make you think twice about taking a cab: A London taxi driver has been convicted of 19 charges including rape and sexual assault, but police said he probably had as many as 200 victims. He would pick up young women in his cab and offer them champagne which was laced with date rape drugs. By the time he was finally charged, 9 victims had previously lodged charges and he had been arrested once and released.

• From The Telegraph:

Lesbians living in South Africa are being subjected to "corrective rape" and severe violence by men trying to "cure" them of their sexual orientation, human rights groups have said.

• Suicide by cop: A soldier in Virginia was dressed in a costume and wearing facepaint like The Joker when he beat up his roommate. Following a police chase, he asked his girlfriend to shoot him. She refused so he pointed his gun at the cops and they made his wish come true.

• This sounds like the plot to a bad movie: People who drive through small towns along the Mexican border in Texas are stopped and their vehicles searched and property seized under the threat of prosecution for money laundering or other crimes. One state legislator says police departments are using asset forfeiture laws to supplement their shrinking budgets. Most of the victims are Hispanic or African-American.

• Another quirk of the bad economy: More students are studying to become funeral directors. The dean of one school says:

"I sometimes see a twinkle in the eye of some particularly entrepreneurial students . . . as they imagine what their future will be like with the aging of baby boomers."

Quote of the day

All of the cable news networks recognize the growing popularity of shows with a strong point of view. But is there too much talking and not enough reporting?

"They need some adult supervision about what people get to pop off about over there, even if it is opinion," said Dean Starkman, managing editor of Columbia Journalism Review's The Audit, which focuses on the business press. "They need to look into the mirror and see how close they are intellectually and emotionally with the people they cover. They need to sit back and get some critical distance."

~ from an AP article about CNBC

Kangaroo court?

Last night, CNBC clown Jim Cramer actually had the balls to show up on The Daily Show and Jon Stewart let him have it. The interview is here and worth the watch.

One of the things that jumped out at me was when Cramer was talking about the Wall Street CEOs who ripped us all off. He said, "I want kangaroo courts for these guys."

I hope he misspoke but I'm reasonably sure that's all we're going to get, if even that.

From American Heritage Dictionary:

kangaroo court n. 1) A mock court set up in violation of established legal procedure. 2) A court characterized by dishonesty or incompetence.

Yesterday Bernie Madoff pleaded guilty to 11 felonies and apologized for his actions. The judge revoked his bail and sent him to jail. Today he had his lawyers file an appeal to get him out. Doesn't seem all that contrite, does he?

Quote of the day

Rihanna is violent too and that is one of the reasons why she is back with chris brown. She thinks she has him right where she wants him now. His career is over, and he is working her to help him get it back. She thinks that since he needs her and has shown some contrition, that she can call the shots now.

Violent people are control freaks, and she thinks she is in control right now. Violent couples also have passionate make up sex, and that keeps a lot of battered and beaten women hooked. Once she realizes that her fans and their parents are going to write her off completely and end her career as well as his if she stays with him, that might convince her not to do that.

Her publicists and agents and lawyers and producers are all telling her not to risk she and brown's tandem endorsements (they don't care if she lives or dies, as long as they get their money). She is being played and used and isolated from her father. Her greed and her participation in violence, plus not wanting to cross Diddy, who wants her to put her life on the line, are powerful lures to stay in hell with a monster. I hope she lets go of her need to control other people. I hope she thinks about the horrifying message she is sending to young women and young men. She will never survive choosing brown over her dad.

~ Roseanne Barr

It was all her fault, y'all

A new survey in Boston helps explain why as many as 1 in 5 teenage girls become victims of dating violence:

Of the 200 Boston youths (ages 12 to 19) surveyed last month, 51 percent said Chris Brown was responsible for the incident, 46 percent said Rihanna was responsible and 52 percent said both were to blame; 52 percent said the media was treating Brown unfairly; 44 percent said fighting was a normal part of a relationship; and a “significant” number said “Rihanna was destroying Chris Brown’s career.” Women blamed Rihanna as much as men did ...

“(Chris Brown) is or had been promoted as the kid next door, he was familiar and likeable,” said Collins-Gousby, who works for Casa Myrna-Vazquez, a Boston-based anti-violence organization that operates a 24-hour teen violence hotline and a citywide outreach program. “Among teens, I think their first reaction was, well, what did she do to deserve a beating that significant?”

A couple of quickies:

• Anna Nicole Smith's "lover" "lawyer" "advisor" "friend" Howard Smith has been charged with multiple felonies related to her death by overdose. Two doctors were also charged in the conspiracy to supply her with drugs.

• Hookers for Jesus: "Right now, God, I just ask that you use all of us as a tool, Lord." The group was started by a former prostitute. Their goal is to save other girls from the business. Not a bad idea but I wish they wouldn't go all Jesus on them.

You can't touch this

Please. Don't.

Harem pants are back - or trying to come back anyway. Were they ever a good idea?

(pic from Shopbop)

Luckily, the horse did not swallow the testicle

News of the war on terror, from USA Today:

The government's terrorist watch list has hit 1 million entries, up 32% since 2007. Federal data show the rise comes despite the removal of 33,000 entries last year by the FBI's Terrorist Screening Center ...

In the past two years, 51,000 people have filed "redress" requests claiming they were wrongly included on the watch list, according to the Department of Homeland Security. In the vast majority of cases reviewed so far, it has turned out that the petitioners were not actually on the list, with most having been misidentified at airports because their names resembled others on it.

More quickies:

• Today's Jeopardy answer: Obama's inauguration, a trust fund, a woman, a basement lab, uranium, a "dirty bomb" and a neo-Nazi millionaire in Maine. The question: What are some of the elements of a juicy murder case? The guy was trying to build a bomb to assassinate Obama before he himself was shot to death, apparently by his wife.

• Fark headline of the day: The government wants to smell your butt to see if you're lying.

The story, from UPI:

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security plans to study the possibility that human body odor could be used to tell when people are lying or to identify individuals in the same way that fingerprints can.

• A drunk with an imagination: A guy in Pennsylvania filed a 20-page motion saying he can't be prosecuted for DUI because he's "sovereign man [which] means I live inside myself." He calls his arrest "a blatant act of tyranny."

• According to a study by Met Life, 50% of Americans are two paychecks away from a financial catastrophe.

• Moments before a New Jersey grandfather's funeral was to begin, the corporate defendants in an asbestos-related lawsuit served the funeral director with a court order to prevent the burial.

• An Indiana high school principal got his panties in a twist because a Lesbian student wanted to wear a tuxedo to the prom. He said no; she's suing.

• I've never thought of this: A British animal rights defender says it's cruel to buy large or extra large eggs because it hurts the chickens to lay them.

• Why did the salamander cross the road? To get laid. A Delaware recreation area closes the road for a few months every spring.

• Speaking of amphibians: Remember The Black Frog? It's a restaurant on Moosehead Lake in Maine. Patrons could get a free "Skinny Dip sandwich free if they took a naked dive off the dock. The local prudes won their campaign to end to the fun - the owner is about to lose his liquor license.

• "Luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow his testicle, but spit it onto the pavement." So said the witness after the Indonesian guy was bitten by his horse.

• Not so lucky: The little girl in the Philippines who was decapitated by a crocodile on her way to school.

Bush's legacy

Michael Steele hipped when he should have hopped

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele has made one screw up after another since his election less than 2 months ago. There's already been talk of a recall and ghostly whisperers want him to resign.

His recent interview with GQ may well be the final straw. When asked if his Catholic faith influenced his position on abortion, he replied:

Absolutely. I see the power of life in that--I mean, and the power of choice ... You can choose life, or you can choose abortion. You know, my mother chose life. So, you know, I think the power of the argument of choice boils down to stating a case for one or the other.

The reporter asked if he thinks women have the right to choose abortion and Steele said:

Yeah. I mean, again, I think that's an individual choice.

And as if he's trying to rub salt in the wounds of the defeated but not-willing-to-surrender far right, here's his answer to whether or not homosexuality is a lifestyle choice:

Oh, no. I don't think I've ever really subscribed to that view, that you can turn it on and off like a water tap. Um, you know, I think that there's a whole lot that goes into the makeup of an individual that, uh, you just can't simply say, oh, like, "Tomorrow morning I'm gonna stop being gay." It's like saying, "Tomorrow morning I'm gonna stop being black."

Them's fightin' words for the loony fringies who have the Republican party by the short hairs. He'll try to wiggle out of it - after all, he'd previously stated that civil unions are crazy.

One TPMer commented:

And our last competitor tonight in the RNC Gymnastics Exhibition is Michael Steele. He will be attempting a Reverse MittRomney, degree of difficulty 3.8.

Oh no, he flipped instead of flopping and landed on his ass.
But the East German judge gives him a 9.5!

Steele has threatened, recanted and threatened again to prevent the re-election of Repubs who voted for the stimulus package, and he's said he's in the business of ticking people off. He seems to forget that Democrats are the ones he's supposed to tick off. I think it's only a matter of days until the RNC says buh-bye to the very much off-the-hook Mr. Steele.

As an aside, is there even one true hip hop fan who would name Sean Puff Daddy P Diddy Diddy Combs as his favorite rap artist? That's who Steele chose. He also likes Frank Sinatra and the Pack Rats.

Turn ons: pack rats - I am one
Turn offs: posers

George had the most kissable lips

Is this a weird hobby?

I've developed a game, of sorts, where I create my own dream house and furnish it and even create an imaginary family to live there. I go online and find house plans and copy them, then I find furniture to go in the house and use MS Paint to lay out floor plans. Sometimes, I even choose complete wardrobes for the family.

It's cheaper than the compulsive shopping I used to do in real life. Too bad I don't put that much effort into writing.

A bit of shameless self-promotion - I did a post on TPM on Monday titled "I have a confession to make." The discussion that followed is pretty interesting.

It's a lunatic ninja

Lady GaGa - you don't need to know who she is. I don't even like her myself but I like this quote:

“Writing a record is like dating a few men at once. You take them to the same restaurants to see if they measure up, and at some point you decide who you like best. When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time.”

More quickies:

• A woman in Michigan just gave birth to twin girls, one from each of her uteri. I guess it's a good thing Octomom only had one womb.

• Did you know that San Francisco has an annual Valentine's Day pillow fight. This year, more than a thousand people showed up. Oh those wacky libs.

• "No wonder our plants grow so well." - That's what the woman in Boston said when a historian told her there might be more than a dozen British soldiers buried under her garden.

• Imagine that you're deaf and your house is burglarized while you're sleeping. When you wake up, you call for help and a he-man cop interprets your signing as aggression so he wrestles you to the ground, handcuffs you and charges you with assault. His report exaggerates your actions. It happened in Maryland. Luckily, a paramedic witnessed the whole thing and stood up for the deaf guy. Prosecutors dropped the charges but the man is still suffering neck and back pain as a result. He had just undergone neck surgery six days before the attack.

• I always knew Donald Trump was an asshole but get what he said about Rihanna:

"She better get the hell out. If she goes back, she's a loser, and she doesn't deserve to have any future successes."

Notice he doesn't have anything to say about the guy who did the hitting, only the one who got hit. What a pig.

• Meanwhile, 1 in 7 Brits believes a woman deserves to be hit if she nags her husband, and 1 in 5 believe she deserves it if she wears revealing clothes in public. Rihanna, I guess that's you.

• According to the Vatican, the washing machine did more to liberate women in the 20th century than the pill, legalized abortion, or the right to work. Who needs equal rights when you've got Maytag?

• Speaking of religious nut cases: A Saudi Arabian court sentenced a 75 year old woman to 40 lashes because she hosted 2 men in her home who were not her relatives.

• Fark headline of the day: Actual Depression survivors scoff at your canned goods and ammo: "I was up in the tree trying to choke him with my fingers... It took a good while, but I finally got that squirrel strangled." (the story)

• "It's a lunatic ninja" - That's what the Australian guy thought when a kangaroo crashed through his window and started bouncing on his bed.

The cult of Jesus Christ

From Billy Graham [emphasis mine]:

One characteristic of cults is that they strongly believe they alone are right in their beliefs and everyone else is wrong. Thus they reject the central truths of the Bible that Christians have held in common for almost 2,000 years and substitute their own beliefs for the clear teaching of Scripture ...

Down inside, we all hunger for God, whether we realize it or not, and we search for something to satisfy that hunger ... But only God can satisfy our longing, and he has made this possible through Jesus Christ.

According to a recent major survey, the only religious tradition that's growing in all 50 states is people who report they have no religion. It's almost doubled in the last 18 years, to 15%.

Sorry, Billy.

In memory of Lexie

In January, 13 year old Virginia girl was murdered by her mother and her body dumped in a nearby creek. For years, neighbors, school bus drivers and others made numerous reports of abuse - including welts, what appeared to be marks from being tied up, and a sighting of the mother stuffing her in the trunk of a car - but she was never removed from the home.

Lexie told one bus driver that her mother bound her hands and made her lie on the floor of the car during a trip to North Carolina. She once told someone that her mother forced her to hit herself and videotape it - the mother used those tapes to show police that the girl was lying when she said her mother hit her. Ten months before her death, the sheriff's department put a locator bracelet on her wrist because she kept running away. The last few weeks before she died, Lexie twice went to neighbors asking for help. They contacted the police who returned her to her mother.

It reminds me of the Jeffrey Dahmer case where one of his victims escaped and the police took him back to Dahmer. The police in that case didn't want to get involved because the guy was gay.

Lexie was black. You have to wonder if that's why they didn't help her.

Quote of the day

So yes, millions are losing their jobs and their homes and we are struggling to figure out what is real and what was fueled by debt dreams. And yet, there isn’t mass starvation, mass homelessness, imminent physical danger, certainly not in those parts of the world that are suffering the most from this credit crisis - the United States, Europe, Japan. The fears and hysteria are based on more intangible issues, though the fear of total loss of home and livelihood and health is just as intense.

While we need to respect that this is a pivotal moment for us all, we also need to halt this pernicious slide into unrelenting negativism. We need to say “enough already,” and recognize that we are hardly the first generation to face challenges, and that a dysfunctional financial system is not of the same order as war, pestilence, and social chaos. The economy contracting by 4% or 5% for a few months is a shock, but it is not an excuse for announcing our collective obituary, unless, of course, we want to dance on the abyss and court disaster.

So, enough already. Our problems are real; but we are pulling ourselves into a vortex of gloom as powerful and destructive as our one-time belief in our endless capacity for reinvention was powerful and constructive. We can make this better, or we can make it worse. It’s a choice, not a destiny.

~ Zachary Karabell

The Republican agenda

From Republican Congressman Patrick McHenry of North Carolina:

"We will lose on legislation. But we will win the message war every day, and every week, until November 2010 ... Our goal is to bring down approval numbers for Pelosi and for House Democrats. That will take repetition. This is a marathon, not a sprint.”

You just keep fiddling there, Nero.

It's called the gay tax

Photographer Annie Leibovitz is going through major finacial problems as a result of inheriting her long-time partner Susan Sontag's estate. From AfterEllen:

Same-sex couples do not have the same privileges as straight married couples when it comes to inheritance. If your partner passes away and leaves her estate to you, you have to pay up to 50 percent of the value of your inheritance in taxes. However, if you and your partner were recognized as a married couple, you wouldn’t have to pay a dime. And it is precisely this unjust double standard that got Annie Leibovitz into financial trouble.

The photo is by Jeff Sheng from the Proposition 8 protest this week in San Francisco.

Ifs, ands okay; no butts

Eye candy for the weekend. This ad from Armani Exchange was supposed to be on a billboard in NYC but it's been banned.

Love gone wrong

A few quickies:

• Romeo and Juliet, Indian style: A 21 year old man in India eloped with his 18 year old girlfriend because they knew her family wouldn't approve. When her family found out, they shot and beheaded 8 members of his family and threw their bodies in the river.

• Help, I've fallen and I can't get up: An 82 year old man was arrested after his wife died. She fell out of bed and he left her on the floor for 10 weeks. He says he brought her food and water but she didn't want him to call for help. She was naked, dirty and had large ulcers on her leg and hip from lying their so long. They were married for 52 years.

• Singer Chris Brown has been charged with 2 felonies after beating his girlfriend Rihanna a month ago. Fox News in L.A. got a copy of the detectives' notes. As quoted on Perez:

After Rihanna read a text message on Brown's phone from a woman, he tried to force Rihanna out of the car, but couldn't because she was wearing her seatbelt.

Brown then allegedly slammed Rihanna's head against her window, and when Rihanna turned to face him, he punched her.

The notes said blood spattered on Rihanna's clothing and the interior of the Lamborghini.

Rihanna also called her assistant, according to FOX 11, leaving a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there."

Brown then reportedly replied, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you," and proceeded to punch and bite Rihanna. He allegedly put her in a headlock so long that she almost lost consciousness.

Multiple sources say Rihanna spent this past weekend with Brown in Miami and there are rumors they got married. Rihanna's dad says her family has been unable to contact her.

More details on the attack here.

John Edwards, his mistress & her daughter

Little Frances sure doesn't look like her mom. Check out the eyebrows, cheekbones, and nose. What do you think?

No Coke, Pepsi

Bluto Blutarsky. Samurai. Killer bee. Soul man. John Belushi died 27 years ago today.