We'll see if any of it survives long enough for me to take it to my brother's house for supper.
David Letterman has used his time off during the writer's strike to grow a beard. He looks like my former shrink. The campaign season isn't any fun without the nightly commentary from guys like Letterman and Jon Stewart.
But that's not the point of this post.
Did you know the government has spent more than $1 billion on those cute little abstinence programs that poo poo contraception (if they mention it at all)?
I didn't realize it was that much until I read this article on Slate. They said, "Maybe it's no coincidence that the U.S. teen birth rate just rose for the first time in 14 years ..."
The article was about the mistake Congress made in 2005, when they unintentionally left college and university health centers off a list of providers that could get special discounts from drug companies. As a result, many college students can no longer afford birth control pills.
Some schools report that fewer students are filling prescriptions for birth control pills and more are coming in for emergency contraception and pregnancy tests.
According to Slate, Congress can easily correct the mistake by attaching a provision to any bill, and Obama is one of the senators trying to do that. The program would cost the government nothing and it benefits drug companies because it builds brand loyalty among women who will most likely have private insurance in the future.
But - surprise - the social conservatives are against it. Republican assholes.
Romney is currently running campaign ads about how terrible it is to have unwed mothers because children need a mother and a father. (Does he think unmarried women produce babies through parthenogenesis? Hello, Willard, er, Mitt, every baby has a father. Just because a guy wears a wedding ring - that doesn't make him a better father. What about the babies who are losing their fathers in Iraq? Have you thought about them?)
So you'd think Romney and his Rombots would be in favor of making low-cost contraception available to unmarried women.
Um, yeah. And my big toe is made of solid gold.
Coincidentally, Britney Spears' 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn just announced she's pregnant. Their mother Lynn was under contract with a Christian publisher, writing a book about parenting that was scheduled to come out next spring. It's been postponed.
Lynn said she was in shock that Jamie Lynn got pregnant because, "She's never late for her curfew." Guess nobody ever told her you can have sex before Late Night with David Letterman comes on. Maybe that's why she's divorced.
Jamie Lynn stars on a kids' show on Nick, a hit with pre-teen girls. You know she's going to get fired. Bad role model, just like her sister.
But I think firing her sends out a worse message to young girls. It teaches them it's okay if your employer punishes you for getting pregnant. That whole women's rights thing? Très passé.
The same people who want to outlaw choice - the Rombots and the Fuckabees - will be the first to call for her head on a platter. Damned if she gets an abortion and damned if she doesn't.
Turn ons: men with beards
Turn offs: men who marry their beards (Hello, Larry Craig)
Yes, Hills looks like an albino baboon's ass in this picture, but you would too if you were running for President.
This is a woman of character and it shows. No brow lift, no botox, no boob job. A hard working woman who's earned every line on that face.
I'm a little psyched because I just came from an organizational meeting for people who are volunteering for Hillary at the caucus. It was nice to be in a room full of people who didn't have anything nasty to say about her.
She's not Harry Potter - she's not going to magically transform the world. But she won't bomb Iran, she won't stick a hidden camera in everybody's bedroom, and she won't try to burn the Constitution.
The best thing about Hillary is the quality of the people she'll bring into her administration. No more good-job-Brownies and atta-boy-Gonzos. She'll put smart, dedicated, and respectable people back to work for us.
Another step toward World War III:
Turkish troops crossed into northern Iraq in pursuit of Kurdish rebels Tuesday, two days after Turkey's military launched air assaults across the border, according to the chief of staff for the president of the Kurdish regional government.
Maybe I should be voting for Chris Dodd. He almost single-handedly forced Harry Reid to delay the vote on giving blanket immunity to the telephone companies who conspired with Bush to spy on Americans. As one commentator pointed out on Monday night's Countdown, the attorneys for AT&T aren't interns - they knew the law. Qwest refused to turn over the info the government wanted until there was a court order. The other companies should have done the same. Granting immunity to them sets a precedent for other private contractors who kissed neoCON ass.
Cracked.com has a list of ten things Christians and atheists can agree on. One of the givens: Celebrating the death of somebody you disagreed with pretty much makes you a dick.
Favorite Fark headline of the day: When transporting an inmate, Denver cop leaves inmate alone in van during stop at a gas station. Keys? In the ignition. Inmate? Gone like spit on a hot skillet.
Fraudulent possession of women's underwear. Did you know that was a crime? Neither did the guy in Singapore who got arrested for riding up and down and elevator in a pink bikini.
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another 'auld lang syne'
The lyrics are from Dan Fogelberg. He died this weekend, age 56, prostate cancer. Another one of the icons from my youth.
If I ever write the sequel to my first (unpublished) novel, that was the fate I had planned for my character Ron. (No offense to Ron Southern. I named the character a long time before I ever heard of The Rat Squeaks.)
The Ron in my novel is also a singer/songwriter/guitarist. Strange how life imitates art(schlock?). I thought it would be ironic for him to die from prostate cancer since his hobby is bedding as many women as he can.
My cat has been talking to me. No, I'm not hallucinating. Just now, when I was in the bathroom washing my face, Girl Cat made this little noise that's somewhere between a soft grunt and a sound like clearing your throat. Tonight I realized the only time she ever makes that sound is when she comes into a room and I don't know she's there. That's her way of announcing her presence. I always turn and say something to her when she does it. Once I acknowledge her, she lays down and makes herself comfy.
Some nights after I go to bed, I'll hear her out in the other room making these loud, plaintive meows. I say her name and she runs into my room and jumps in bed with me. According to a veterinary website, some older cats get scared when they wake up in the middle of the night and they don't know where you are. She only does it if she was sleeping when I went to bed. I wonder if she panics like that when I'm gone overnight.
I'm starting to feel like the Dian Fossey of cats, observing their body language and vocalizations.
It might be a good strategy as long as she doesn't come in third. I'm afraid it'll be all over for her if she finishes behind both Edwards and Obama.
As of today, I'm committing myself to Hillary in the Iowa caucus. She's not my favorite candidate but Kucinich doesn't have a prayer of winning. I don't trust Obama - I believe he's sincere in most of what he says but I think he'll be a deer in the headlights when the Republican mudslingers start going full blast. He'll make Kerry's bumbling look smooth.
I hope that once she's in the White House (please god, not Rudy-Patoody or Willard the Rat or Fuckabee), she'll lead with her heart.
Earlier this week, Cindy Adams went off on a rant about the caucus:
WHO the hell cares about Iowa? Barring a caucus every few years, who even thinks of Iowa. All it's ever brought us is corn, Herbert Hoover, the Wright Brothers, Ashton Kutcher and "The Music Man." Its main attraction is an airport in Des Moines that gets you out.
And this state with less people than I have in my kitchen is determining the future of our most powerful nation on Earth?
Keep in mind that she writes for the NY Post, one of Rupert Murdoch's babies. She also has a long-held grudge against my state. When New York hosted the last Republican Convention, she wrote several columns complaining about the delegates invading her home town, especially all the gravy-slurping hicks from Iowa.
*basilisk - Classical Mythology. a creature, variously described as a serpent, lizard, or dragon, said to kill by its breath or look.Turn ons: what the top 3 Dems have to offer, including experience, hope & good hair
Rod was once quoted as saying, "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
That was before he married wife #3 Penny Lancaster.
... To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.
You go girl! Not that anybody's ever going to see me in a bikini. Eek.