I made fudge.

We'll see if any of it survives long enough for me to take it to my brother's house for supper.

If we want to stop illegal immigration ...

The first thing we have to do is fix LEGAL immigration. I found this story on KTIV.com. Santiago Saavedra of Dakota Dunes, SD, was an undercover FBI agent in his native Peru. When his home was bombed by terrorists, he was granted political asylum in the U.S. in 1992.

He followed all the rules and came here legally. He's been trying to get a green card since 2001 so that he can earn a living and become an American citizen. The process should have taken 6 months but he's still waiting. The most frustrating part is that no one from the government can (or will) tell him why it's taking so long.

If he leaves the country before he gets a green card, he won't be allowed to come back. He can't go home to visit his family. He's never been to his mother's grave.

There are hundreds - probably thousands - of legal residents in the same circumstances. It's not right.

The Republican solution - the one Huckabee's talking about in all his ads? Let's build a wall across our southern border. Because it worked so well in China and Berlin.

Jessica Simpson needs a new manager

Reality TV is one of my (many) guilty pleasures. When Jessica Simpson and then hubby Nick Lachey starred in "Newlyweds," I never missed an episode. She was sweet and charming and entertaining. Nick is either a good actor or he was completely in love with Jess, in spite of the fact that she was a spoiled and whiny.

According to all the gossip columns, the divorce was her idea. Since the divorce, he's had a hit record while hers flopped. Nick's involved in an apparently stable romance. Jess has been following guys around like a lost puppy.

Her latest target is Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo. When she attended his game last week, he had the worst performance of his career. Bloggers are calling her the most hated person in Texas. Today, she didn't go to the game and he bounced back.

Jess's new movie "Blonde Ambition" was so bad it was supposed to go straight to DVD. Instead, it opened in 8 theaters in Texas this weekend. Maybe they thought the locals would go since she and co-star Luke Wilson are both from there.

According to Perez, "Blonde Ambition" averaged a total of $48 per screen on Friday, for a gross of $384. Movie box office is usually counted in millions.

I feel sad for her. Papa Joe has been the driving force in her professional and her personal life. He's managed to run her career - and that of sister Ashlee - straight into the ground. I believe his constant presence was a major factor in Jess's divorce.

If I were writing this soap opera, Jess would tell her dad to go to hell and hire a better manager. Then, she'd go to Nick on bended knee and apologize. And he would take her back because true love wins out in the end.

Then Nick's current squeeze Vanessa Minillo would release their sex tape. Cause you know there's got to be one out there.

I have more recent pics of Jess - her hair's back to blonde now - but I chose this one because I think it makes her look like Anna Nicole Smith. Sadly, that's where I see her headed.

Turn ons: Nick Lachey - dammit, I wanna see him naked!

Turn offs: Papa Joe - Daddy Holds the Key to Her Hymen

Don't tase me, bro

That was the number one quote of 2007, according to the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations. Some more of my favorites:

"In Iran, we don't have homosexuals ..." ~ the president of Iran

"There's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." ~ Joe Biden, about Rudy Giuliani

"I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." ~ Jimmy Carter

Slate.com has a "Trailhead" piece about political anagrams. Examples for the past:

H. Ross Perot = "Short Poser"
Spiro Agnew = "Grow A Penis"

They had a list for this year's political candidates. My favorite:

Dennis Kucinich = "Nine-Inch Dick, U.S."

Maybe that explains how he attracted such a hot wife.

Zero tolerance is still stupid

The headline from MyFox Orlando: Community Stands behind Steak Knife Girl

The story:

A 10-year-old Marion County girl is still trying to grasp the news she might never be allowed back at school. Last week the girl was eating her steak lunch in the cafeteria at Sunrise Elementary School in Ocala. Two school employees saw her using a knife for her steak. They took it and called police and now the girl is facing a felony charge and is not allowed back in school.

The girl was an honor roll student. She's now living with her grandmother in Georgia. Her parents say she feels devastated.

For more examples of this insanity, see my October post about zero tolerance.

When I was taking a sociology class in college, I remember learning that the more rigid, restrictive and intrusive the law becomes, the less likely people are to obey them. Once they get in the habit of disobeying some laws, the more likely they are to break other laws.

Never noticed before but ...

Bill Clinton has really nice hands. Big too.

Here is one of the more insightful things he's said lately, which hasn't been widely reported:

“I was, in terms of experience, was closer to Senator Obama, I suppose, in 1988 when I came within a day of announcing,” he said in an interview in September. He said he chose not to run that year because “I really didn’t think I knew enough, and had served enough and done enough to run.”

Christopher Beam at Slate says:

In other words, Clinton was the party's great new hope, too -- but he was smart enough to wait.

Surprise - Romney lies

Willard the Mitt recently gave a speech where he claimed he saw his father march with Martin Luther King. When a reporter asked for details, the campaign told him it was in Grosse Pointe, MI.

But MLK never marched in Grosse Pointe. And at the time it allegedly happened, Mitt was in the middle of his two-year Mormon mission in France.

I still can't get past that poor dog locked in a crate and strapped to the roof of the station wagon for a 12 hour ride from Boston to Ontario, so terrified he shit all over the roof and windows.

A sad note: Dennis Kucinich's brother Perry was found dead today. Twenty-nine years ago today, Perry was arrested for attempting to rob a bank. He was found incompetent to stand trial due to mental illness.

Unreliable sources

I posted yesterday that Britney's 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn announced she's pregnant. Today, Perez Hilton noted that the National Enquirer reported she was pregnant on July 28th. Jamie Lynn says she's only 12 weeks along but many believe she's actually more like 5 months. The funny part of the story is the letter her lawyers sent the Enquirer back in July:

“Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith ... [To] run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl.”

Her lawyers probably believed it at the time - Jamie Lynn says she didn't tell her mom until right before Thanksgiving.

But why is John Edwards' picture at the top of this post? Well ...

The National Enquirer has also been running stories about his alleged affair with a campaign worker. I posted about it back on Oct. 16th.

Now, they're reporting that Rielle Hunter, Edwards' alleged mistress, is pregnant. If it's true - and that's a giant if since everyone involved denies it - one of his supporters is helping cover it up. Andrew Young, another former campaign worker who's also married with children, says he is the father.

I know most people will dismiss all of this as a crazy rumor. I want to dismiss it too, but the article (linked above) made a good case.

UPDATE: Thursdays kausfiles notes a contradiction in the denials. Young says he and Hunter started their extra-marital affair while they worked for the Edwards campaign. But Hunter says:

When working for the Edwards camp, my conduct as well as the conduct of my entire team was completely professional.

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder

David Letterman has used his time off during the writer's strike to grow a beard. He looks like my former shrink. The campaign season isn't any fun without the nightly commentary from guys like Letterman and Jon Stewart.

But that's not the point of this post.

Did you know the government has spent more than $1 billion on those cute little abstinence programs that poo poo contraception (if they mention it at all)?

I didn't realize it was that much until I read this article on Slate. They said, "Maybe it's no coincidence that the U.S. teen birth rate just rose for the first time in 14 years ..."

The article was about the mistake Congress made in 2005, when they unintentionally left college and university health centers off a list of providers that could get special discounts from drug companies. As a result, many college students can no longer afford birth control pills.

Some schools report that fewer students are filling prescriptions for birth control pills and more are coming in for emergency contraception and pregnancy tests.

According to Slate, Congress can easily correct the mistake by attaching a provision to any bill, and Obama is one of the senators trying to do that. The program would cost the government nothing and it benefits drug companies because it builds brand loyalty among women who will most likely have private insurance in the future.

But - surprise - the social conservatives are against it. Republican assholes.

Romney is currently running campaign ads about how terrible it is to have unwed mothers because children need a mother and a father. (Does he think unmarried women produce babies through parthenogenesis? Hello, Willard, er, Mitt, every baby has a father. Just because a guy wears a wedding ring - that doesn't make him a better father. What about the babies who are losing their fathers in Iraq? Have you thought about them?)

So you'd think Romney and his Rombots would be in favor of making low-cost contraception available to unmarried women.

Um, yeah. And my big toe is made of solid gold.

Coincidentally, Britney Spears' 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn just announced she's pregnant. Their mother Lynn was under contract with a Christian publisher, writing a book about parenting that was scheduled to come out next spring. It's been postponed.

Lynn said she was in shock that Jamie Lynn got pregnant because, "She's never late for her curfew." Guess nobody ever told her you can have sex before Late Night with David Letterman comes on. Maybe that's why she's divorced.

Jamie Lynn stars on a kids' show on Nick, a hit with pre-teen girls. You know she's going to get fired. Bad role model, just like her sister.

But I think firing her sends out a worse message to young girls. It teaches them it's okay if your employer punishes you for getting pregnant. That whole women's rights thing? Très passé.

The same people who want to outlaw choice - the Rombots and the Fuckabees - will be the first to call for her head on a platter. Damned if she gets an abortion and damned if she doesn't.

Turn ons: men with beards
Turn offs: men who marry their beards (Hello, Larry Craig)

This picture just makes me love her more

I believe it was originally posted on The Drudge Report. I found it on dlisted, where they commented:

Yes, Hills looks like an albino baboon's ass in this picture, but you would too if you were running for President.

This is a woman of character and it shows. No brow lift, no botox, no boob job. A hard working woman who's earned every line on that face.

I'm a little psyched because I just came from an organizational meeting for people who are volunteering for Hillary at the caucus. It was nice to be in a room full of people who didn't have anything nasty to say about her.

She's not Harry Potter - she's not going to magically transform the world. But she won't bomb Iran, she won't stick a hidden camera in everybody's bedroom, and she won't try to burn the Constitution.

The best thing about Hillary is the quality of the people she'll bring into her administration. No more good-job-Brownies and atta-boy-Gonzos. She'll put smart, dedicated, and respectable people back to work for us.

Happy birthday, Brad

<---- Nuff said.

And so it goes - quickies

Another step toward World War III:

Turkish troops crossed into northern Iraq in pursuit of Kurdish rebels Tuesday, two days after Turkey's military launched air assaults across the border, according to the chief of staff for the president of the Kurdish regional government.

Maybe I should be voting for Chris Dodd. He almost single-handedly forced Harry Reid to delay the vote on giving blanket immunity to the telephone companies who conspired with Bush to spy on Americans. As one commentator pointed out on Monday night's Countdown, the attorneys for AT&T aren't interns - they knew the law. Qwest refused to turn over the info the government wanted until there was a court order. The other companies should have done the same. Granting immunity to them sets a precedent for other private contractors who kissed neoCON ass.

Cracked.com has a list of ten things Christians and atheists can agree on. One of the givens: Celebrating the death of somebody you disagreed with pretty much makes you a dick.

Favorite Fark headline of the day: When transporting an inmate, Denver cop leaves inmate alone in van during stop at a gas station. Keys? In the ignition. Inmate? Gone like spit on a hot skillet.

Fraudulent possession of women's underwear. Did you know that was a crime? Neither did the guy in Singapore who got arrested for riding up and down and elevator in a pink bikini.

I need some kitty cheer

Overall, I've been doing better but the depression is creeping up on me. I've been very weepy the last few days.

I hope I'm getting back into my normal cycle. I can live with that - it's predicatable and manageable.

Five days until my period and I'm craving chocolate like crazy. Then (fingers crossed) the cloud will be lifted.

Turn ons: chocolate
Turn offs: high blood sugar

Dan Fogelberg died this weekend

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another 'auld lang syne'

The lyrics are from Dan Fogelberg. He died this weekend, age 56, prostate cancer. Another one of the icons from my youth.

If I ever write the sequel to my first (unpublished) novel, that was the fate I had planned for my character Ron. (No offense to Ron Southern. I named the character a long time before I ever heard of The Rat Squeaks.)

The Ron in my novel is also a singer/songwriter/guitarist. Strange how life imitates art(schlock?). I thought it would be ironic for him to die from prostate cancer since his hobby is bedding as many women as he can.

My cat has been talking to me. No, I'm not hallucinating. Just now, when I was in the bathroom washing my face, Girl Cat made this little noise that's somewhere between a soft grunt and a sound like clearing your throat. Tonight I realized the only time she ever makes that sound is when she comes into a room and I don't know she's there. That's her way of announcing her presence. I always turn and say something to her when she does it. Once I acknowledge her, she lays down and makes herself comfy.

Some nights after I go to bed, I'll hear her out in the other room making these loud, plaintive meows. I say her name and she runs into my room and jumps in bed with me. According to a veterinary website, some older cats get scared when they wake up in the middle of the night and they don't know where you are. She only does it if she was sleeping when I went to bed. I wonder if she panics like that when I'm gone overnight.

I'm starting to feel like the Dian Fossey of cats, observing their body language and vocalizations.

Update on With Friends Like These: There's a report that the Saudi king pardoned the gang rape victim who was sentenced to 200 lashes. There's hope.

Saw this on a message board

If there had been 3 Wise Women (instead of Wise Men) they would have...

• Asked for directions
• Arrived on time
• Helped deliver the baby
• Cleaned the stable
• Made a casserole
• Brought practical gifts
• And there would be peace on Earth.

O Christmas Tree

I know this will come as a shock (not) to anyone who's read my blog, but I'm a complainer by nature. Lately I've been moping around because I went to all the work to put my Christmas tree up this year and no one's going to see it.

Ta da! Through the miracle of the internet, my decorations are here on display. I seriously need to learn more HTML so I could make a better layout. I apologize for the picture quality - my digital camera's about 10 years old.

Most of my ornaments are vintage collectibles that I picked up at thrift shops over the years. The two bulbs are just like the ones we had when I was a kid in the 1960s. The angel topper is also very similar to the one that we had back then.

Merry ho ho.

Today's post is sponsored by the word "basilisk"

"That grating Midwestern voice going negative at last is music to my ears after six months of her in that imperturbable pantsuit, parsing out positions that have been poll-tested to death. On the debate podium when she faces him down with a basilisk* stare, she reduces Barack [Obama] to Bambi." ~ Tina Brown, in London's Spectator

According to Brown, Hillary's main strategy is to prevent Obama coming in first in Iowa or New Hampshire:

If the third most popular candidate, John Edwards, comes in first, it’s OK by her — she’s sure she can pick off that empty suit further down the line. If Obama wins, she fears, his momentum could make him unstoppable.

It might be a good strategy as long as she doesn't come in third. I'm afraid it'll be all over for her if she finishes behind both Edwards and Obama.

As of today, I'm committing myself to Hillary in the Iowa caucus. She's not my favorite candidate but Kucinich doesn't have a prayer of winning. I don't trust Obama - I believe he's sincere in most of what he says but I think he'll be a deer in the headlights when the Republican mudslingers start going full blast. He'll make Kerry's bumbling look smooth.

I hope that once she's in the White House (please god, not Rudy-Patoody or Willard the Rat or Fuckabee), she'll lead with her heart.

Earlier this week, Cindy Adams went off on a rant about the caucus:

WHO the hell cares about Iowa? Barring a caucus every few years, who even thinks of Iowa. All it's ever brought us is corn, Herbert Hoover, the Wright Brothers, Ashton Kutcher and "The Music Man." Its main attraction is an airport in Des Moines that gets you out.

And this state with less people than I have in my kitchen is determining the future of our most powerful nation on Earth?

Keep in mind that she writes for the NY Post, one of Rupert Murdoch's babies. She also has a long-held grudge against my state. When New York hosted the last Republican Convention, she wrote several columns complaining about the delegates invading her home town, especially all the gravy-slurping hicks from Iowa.

*basilisk - Classical Mythology. a creature, variously described as a serpent, lizard, or dragon, said to kill by its breath or look.

Turn ons: what the top 3 Dems have to offer, including experience, hope & good hair
Turn offs: New York assholes

From the great state that gave us Dubya

Since the Katrina evacuation went sooooo smoothly, officials in Houston have devised a way to really fuck things up the next time there's a major hurricane. Everyone who wants to get on a bus to be evacuated will have to submit to a criminal background check first.

I wish it was a joke. From The Houston Chronicle:

The idea, according to Jack Colley, is to keep sex offenders and others who may be wanted by police off the same buses used by the most vulnerable during an evacuation: the elderly, disabled residents and children ...

Though the intent is to make sure vulnerable evacuees aren't victimized, Colley acknowledged that culling sex offenders and other criminals from a herd of evacuees during a potentially chaotic evacuation comes with plenty of challenges.

"We'll be able to do it," he said of the task, declining to be more specific about the process because of safety concerns.

Oh, and we can thank the concerned citizens from AT&T for helping out. They're going to create electronic wristbands for everybody. You don't have to wear the wristbands but you will have to give your name before you get on the bus and they'll run you through their computer. Guess you'd better have your SSN number handy too, in case there's someone else with the same name on the sex offender registry.

And if someone steals your wristband and gets on a bus ahead of you, guess you'll have some 'splaining to do. You can't be who you say you are because you already boarded.

But at least we'll know the kids are safe. Because every child molester is a registered sex offender, right?

Go, Tori!

Just read this on TMZ:

A word of advice: don't disturb Tori Amos while she's working.

Two fans learned that lesson the hard way and ended up with a verbal smack down from the crotchety singer before they were unceremoniously booted from her Wednesday night concert in San Diego. Code Red!

The piano playin' mama was in mid song when she suddenly began lashing out at the girls: "It's a privilege to sit in the front row. I reserve those seats for people who appreciate music. Get the f--- out!"So much for being silent all these years.

UPDATE: A rep for Tori's record label just contacted TMZ with the following statement: "Tori doesn't sell front row seats to her shows. She'll pick fans that are in the back row and she will upgrade them. It is a privilege to get picked. Apparently these two girls were on their cell phones all night... It was her sticking up for her other fans that missed out on the opportunity."

The last concert I went to was Rob Thomas. I really splurged to buy myself a ticket and the night of the show, my car wouldn't start so I had to walk. Twenty blocks. Then had to stand through the whole show, trying to peek around the linebacker who was standing in front of me.

And these two chicks in the row behind me spent the entire night talking on their cell phones. Guess where I am ... No, guess ... Guess ... I'm at the concert ... Tee hee hee.

Bitches. I never came so close to shoving a cell phone up someone's ass.

Worse than Orwell predicted

I just saw this on piglipstick. Mitt Romney is buying Clear Channel Communications. Clear Channel owns more than 1100 radio stations and 30 tv stations. It's home to almost all the syndicated neocon talk show hosts, including Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

For details:

http://www.lewrockwell.com/blog/lewrw/archives/017694.html

http://www.clearchannel.com/Corporate/PressRelease.aspx?PressReleaseID=1824

I've always known our government was for sale but this just stuns me.

Mr. Rogers' neighborhood

First, links to a couple of interesting stories about Islamic extremism.

A girl in Canada was murdered by her father because she refused to wear hijab, the traditional head scarf.

In Baghdad, two Shiite teenage boys charged into a girls' high school with AK-47s and gave the principal a note that said, "All girls must wear hijab ... If the girls don't wear hijab, we will close the school or kill the girls."

The boys were part of Moqtada al-Sadr's version of Hitler youth. Emily Yoffe on The XX Factor blog commented that NOW's website makes no mention of forced covering and "honor" killing.

Maybe the activists are busy writing letters to Walmart. The world's largest public corporation is selling cute little pink panties intended for preteens. They say, "Who needs a credit card?" on the front. Feministing commented:

There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs.

Hmm, Walmart. Isn't that the same company that allows its pharmacists to refuse to dispense emergency contraception?

I thought my landlord was bad: James Rogers of Ohio placed hidden cameras in the bathrooms of the apartments he owned. He videotaped more more than 600 men and women over the course of sixteen years. He shot himself while the police were searching his home.

Yes, I double-checked my bathroom to make sure my slime ball didn't put any cameras in there.

Now, to lighten things up: Check out this photo gallery of kids who are scared of Santa.

Turns ons: candy canes
Turn offs: pink panties

When bad clothes happen to good people

That's Daniel Day Lewis. Remember what he looked like in "Last of the Mohicans"? Breaks your heart, doesn't it?

The picture's from Perez Hilton.

A voice mail from God

"Don't Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?"

That's one of Huckabee's latest attacks on poor old Mitt. I thought Huckabee should have known the answer to that, since he's an ordained minister. But according to Slate, he only spent a year at seminary and never received his masters. Southern Baptists consider Mormonism to be a cult.

Slate has an interesting writeup of the history of the Mormon church. My ancestors on my dad's side of the family came from the region of New York they refer to as the "Burned-Over District," which was the birthplace of the Mormons and the Shakers and other 19th century "prophets." I've been told that my great-great grandparents migrated from New York to Illinois with the Mormons then split off from the group before they came to Iowa.

Back to Huckabee: In 1992 he said that AIDS patients should be quarantined and:

"I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."

What an intelligent, compassionate, sensible president he would make. For a good laugh, check out this video. DailyKos called it the parody of the year. Since I know some of you won't click it, I'll tell you it starts out:

Mike Huckabee wants you to know he just got a voice mail from God ...

The tagline:

Mike Huckabee, strong conservative, not a crook or a weirdo or a Mormon. Let's leave it at that. Okay? Okay.

Blame Henry VIII

I'm supposed to be working on my novel but I popped online to check my email and ran across this article. Damn Yahoo. According to a new book, translating the bible into English is what led to fundamentalism:

The 16th-century English Reformation, the historic period during which the Scriptures first became widely available in a common tongue, is often hailed by scholars as a moment of liberation for the general public, as it no longer needed to rely solely on the clergy to interpret the verses.

But being able to read the sometimes frightening set of moral codes spelled out in the Bible scared many literate Englishmen into following it to the letter, said James Simpson, a professor of English at Harvard University.

"Reading became a tightrope of terror across an abyss of predestination," said Simpson, author of "Burning to Read: English Fundamentalism and its Reformation Opponents" (Harvard University Press, 2007).

William Tyndale was the first person who translated the bible into colloquial English, at a time when Henry the VIII was trying to break from the Catholic church.

"Scholarly consensus over the last decade or so is that most people did not convert to [Protestantism]. They had it forced upon them," Simpson told LiveScience.

Persecution and paranoia became the norm, Simpson said, as the new Protestants feared damnation if they didn't interpret the book properly. Prologues in Tyndale's Bible warned readers what lay ahead if they did not follow the verses strictly.

"If you fail to read it properly, then you begin your just damnation. If you are unresponsive … God will scourge you, and everything will fail you until you are at utter defiance with your flesh," the passage reads ...

The rise of fundamentalist interpretations during the English Reformation can be used to understand the global political situation today and the growth of Islamic extremism, Simpson said as an example.

"Very definitely, we see the same phenomenon: newly literate people claiming that the sacred text speaks for itself, and legitimates violence and repression," Simpson said, "and the same is also true of Christian fundamentalists."

While reading the article, it occurred to me that maybe Rudy Giuliani is our modern-day Henry VIII. The priests didn't approve of King Henry's propensity for divorce so he led the country out from under Catholic tyranny. The evangelicals don't approve of Rudy's propensity for divorce, so maybe President Rudy will lead us away from fundamentalist tyranny.

Yeah, that was a joke. But then, so is Rudy.

The truth is religious conservatives are hypocritical enough to vote for Rudy, if that's what it takes to keep Republicans in the White House, as long as he takes the anti-abortion pledge. But he pissed off the fiscal conservatives as well, by getting the NYPD to help fund his extra-marital affair. Poor boy doesn't have a prayer.

Halliburton is evil

Remember the Saudi Arabian woman who was gang raped and then sentenced to prison and flogging? At least she didn't work for Halliburton. From ABC News:

Jamie Leigh Jones, now 22, says that after she was raped by multiple men at a KBR camp in the Green Zone, the company put her under guard in a shipping container with a bed and warned her that if she left Iraq for medical treatment, she'd be out of a job.

"Don't plan on working back in Iraq. There won't be a position here, and there won't be a position in Houston," Jones says she was told.

In a lawsuit filed in federal court against Halliburton and its then-subsidiary KBR, Jones says she was held in the shipping container for at least 24 hours without food or water by KBR, which posted armed security guards outside her door, who would not let her leave.

Jones says she was examined by Army doctors who found evidence that she was raped anally and vaginally, but the rape kit disappeared after it was turned over to KBR's security officers.

After being held prisoner, supposedly for her own protection, she convinced one of the guards to let her use his cell phone to call her father in Texas. Her father contacted his congressman, who got the State Department to rescue her.

The Halliburton employees who raped her, just like the Blackwater goons who murdered innocent civilians, won't be prosecuted because U.S. contractors in Iraq operate outside American and Iraqi law.

Jones may not even get her day in civil court. KBR claims her employment contract requires private arbitration - no judge, no jury, no public record or transcript of what happens.

Antonio Banderas has a package for you

In honor of my friend in Seattle getting his computer back from the repair shop.

Rod Stewart has a package for you

This guy has bedded Britt Eklund, Alana Hamilton and Rachel Hunter, which only goes to prove it's not the size that matters. It's the money.

Rod was once quoted as saying, "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

That was before he married wife #3 Penny Lancaster.

For Seattle.

Gary Sandy has a package for you

Merry Christmas, Seattle.

Kvetching

I finally told my new therapist that she's boring me. Not in those words - I just said "this isn't working for me."

She has this routine she goes through at the beginning of every session where she asks me to rate my depression, self-esteem, anxiety, etc. on a scale of 1 to 10. It takes 10-15 minutes out of my session. I go there ready to talk about stuff but by the time we go through that, there's maybe 30 minutes left and I'm just not in the mood anymore.

On Wednesday I told her the scale means nothing to me - I just pull the numbers out of my ass. I know how I'm feeling and I can communicate more clearly by just telling her. I think she's used to working with people who are totally inarticulate and lack insight because she always seems shocked that I can actually identify my feelings and use big words like suicidal ideation and labile moods. Or I can put it more bluntly - I'm riding a fucking roller coaster and I want to get off. (no sexual pun intended)

Although she's not preaching to me, several times she's mentioned praying about stuff. It pisses me off. This week, when she talked about how praying about a problem fixed it for one of her clients. I said, "Yeah, God loves the good little Christians."

I don't think she got the message.

And now for something to kill time, also a fun way to come up with names for characters, check out the Random Renamer.

Found a great new med

Huckabee scares me

Is it possible to have a president worse than GWB? Um, yeah. And he's surging in Iowa right now. Richard Cohen from The Washington Post sums it up:

As for the TV commercial Huckabee is running in Iowa that opens by proclaiming him a "Christian leader," he said this is just because that's what he is -- not, mind, you, the former governor of a nearby state or even a weight-loss guru. But as he well knew, it is not his surprisingly moderate record as governor of Arkansas that so attracts Iowa's conservative Christian voters, it's his obdurate and narrow-minded religious beliefs ...

It is absurd that Romney feels compelled to deliver a speech defending his beliefs and that Huckabee does not have to explain how, in this day and age, he does not believe in evolution. But it is singularly appropriate that Romney's speech be delivered at the Bush library. For it is the 41st president's underachieving son who put such emphasis on religious belief -- and has shown us all, with his appalling record, that faith is no substitute for thought. A mind honed on the whetstone of doubt might have kept us out of Iraq.

The Republican presidential field has some feeble minds and some dangerous ones as well, but none has done as much damage as Huckabee has. Religion does not belong in the political arena. It does not lend itself to compromise. It is about belief, not reason, and is ordinarily immutable. Romney is a shifty fellow, but he will always be a Mormon, and it will never make a difference. Should he become president, he will still light the national Christmas tree and pardon the Thanksgiving turkey and host the Easter egg roll on the White House lawn.

Inevitably, Romney's speech will be compared to JFK's. But when it comes to being beholden to a religious doctrine, it is Huckabee and not Romney who has some explaining to do. What's more, Huckabee is the one who is capitalizing on religious intolerance. He says he's a Christian leader, but the evidence proves otherwise. He's really a shameless follower.

If Huckabee wins in Iowa, it will be the best argument yet that we should lose our first-in-the-nation status.

I'd LOVE to have this butt

That's a paparazzi shot of "The Ghost Whisperer" Jennifer Love Hewitt. Celebrity gossip blogs like TMZ and Perez Hilton are ripping her to shreds because the fat asses who write the blogs think her butt's too big. (Hello, Harvey Levin! Have you looked in a mirror lately?)

Jennifer responded on her own blog:

I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful!

... To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.

You go girl! Not that anybody's ever going to see me in a bikini. Eek.

Keith Olbermann's penis is really, really tiny

Just watched tonight's Countdown where my boyfriend Keith O read excerpts from a Village Voice satire of Bill O'Reilly. The post title is a direct quote from the piece.

Something else I ran across while visiting The Village Voice: Just in case you were wondering, it's legal to marry your second cousin in every state in the U.S. And it's legal to marry your first cousin in 26 states, Mexico, Canada and all of Europe. That little fling you had with your cousin at the last family reunion? Not to worry. You won't go to jail if the pictures turn up on the internet.

Speaking of cousins, a guy in Wisconsin killed his cousin for stealing his cheese sandwich. They were both in jail at the time.

Speaking of a short fuse, a 66 year old woman in Seattle in an assisted living facility stabbed her friend to death for changing the channel on the TV:

"I don't know what they were originally watching," [a police spokeswoman] said. "But it must have been something really good."

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