Who said nuns get none?

According to an article from Drexel University's The Smart Set, 15th century nuns in Venice had active sex lives. Letters, diaries and legal documents from the time reveal that the city's noble families couldn't afford dowries for all their daughters, so the extras were sent to convents.

Novices lived in "palatial apartments." They were allowed to come and go as they pleased and they enjoyed male visitors who wined and dined with them then spent the night in their rooms. If one of the nuns became pregnant, the baby was passed off as an orphan who'd been abandoned on the convent's doorstep.

For the most part, church officials turned a blind eye to the situation. And I'm guessing, enjoyed some of the fringe benefits themselves.

The Larry Craig Memorial Toilet

The Minneapolis airport bathroom where Sen. I'm-Not-Gay got arrested has become a tourist attraction. And now it's getting $25,000 makeover. They're installing new dividers between the stalls that will be just 2-3" off the floor.

Not sure how well they thought this through. That's still enough space to slip the tip of your shoe through and tap. And it'll give you more privacy where the guy in the next stall comes over to get his blow job.

Why does this matter? Because Craig filed an appeal, claiming he was too stupid to know that pleading guilty and getting convicted would be a matter of public record. And he's vowed to stay in the Senate while he pursues the appeal.

His first official act since he returned to Washington? He voted against a bill that would protect homosexuals and others from hate crimes.

Turn ons: South Park
Turn offs: stinky men's rooms

Now cagedcassandra really is caged

The following headline is one of the reasons I love Fark:

Woman shows her Xbox to 17-year-old Game Boy, who flashes his Wii. Game over when PS'd-off husband calls the cops

Lots of goodies in this story. A 30 year old Ohio woman was arrested for having a cybersex relationship with a 16 year old boy in Arizona. They exchanged pictures of their genitals and she sent him a gift certificate so he could buy an Xbox webcam so they could give a "free show to each other." Her screen name? "cagedcassandra."

How did they get caught? Her husband got suspicious and installed a keystroke logger on her computer then gave the evidence to the authorities.

Whatever happened to Women's Lib?

Five months ago, there was a big to-do in India because Richard Gere kissed Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty on the cheek during a press conference for AIDS awareness. An Indian court issued arrest warrants for both of them on obscenity charges. Hindu conservatives there consider PDAs to be immoral. Another court later overturned the ruling.

That didn't stop immigration officials at Mumbai airport who detained Shetty today when she attempted to leave the country to perform in a musical in Berlin. She was released when the officials found out that her travel ban had been overturned. But she was in tears afterwards.

I'd say thank god things like that don't happen in the U.S., except:

1) I don't believe in god.

2) Things like that do happen in the U.S. Examples:

a) A woman in Virginia Beach wasn't allowed to go into a nightclub because they didn't like her hairstyle. The ACLU says racial profiling is behind the club's ban on dreadlocks, braids and other common African American hairstyles. Many employers, both private and governmental, are issuing similar dress codes.

b) A woman in Nebraska was not allowed to use the words "rape" or "sexual assault" in the trial of the man she says raped her. The judge told her she had to call it sex. She says what happened was not sex but she wasn't allowed to tell the jury that. Reminds me of the laws in Islamic countries that say a woman has to have male eyewitnesses to prove she was raped.

c) "Flying Southwest? Don't forget your burkha."

It's not the penis we envy, Dr. Freud. It's the social and political power that comes with it.

Would you sue?

When a farmer posed with his goose at the Virginia State Fair, he had no idea the picture would end up on greeting cards. The card says:

Since it's your birthday, you decide -
Would you rather get spanked ...

Or goosed? Happy birthday!

Now, he's suing the photographer and the greeting card company for $7.5 million because they used his image without permission.

Note to self: 1) Get photographed in a compromising position. 2) Arrange to have it sold to Jupitermedia Corp. 3) Buy that beach house in California.

Grandpa's a Walmart greeter

Just because I'm bored and I'm trying to boost my post count. Found this on Fark.

Savage Love

Dan Savage writes a weekly sex advice column for The Village Voice. If you're ever looking for a laugh, a cheap thrill, an idea for a writing project or an opportunity for righteous indignation, check it out. This is from last week's column:

Q. Please tell all the "better than everyone else" Bible-thumpers out there that I'm not a perv. I am an Adult Little Girl, or LG (a person who enjoys age-regress play), and a Bible-thumping "friend" verbally bashed me after finding a picture of me in my LG persona on a website. He called me a perverted faggot and a child molester. First, like most cross-dressers, I'm straight. Second, I've been happily married for 10 years to a loving and understanding woman. Third, I've never been molested and I don't have mommy or daddy issues. I'm more sane than most! The comment came from a man who has been divorced four times. He is also a serial adulterer who caught at least one STI from a prostitute!—SOMEONE'S LITTLE GIRL

A. I'm happy to tell all the "better than you" Bible-thumpers out there that you're not a perv, SLG, but it's not going to do any good. Your friend, like a lot of Bible-thumpers, needs to feel morally superior to someone. And looking down his nose at you in your little-girl dresses and me in my big fag relationship allows him to feel morally superior at absolutely no cost to himself. He doesn't have to refrain from fucking hookers or cheating on his parade of spouses to get right with his make- believe God. He need only refrain from doing things he has no desire to do—sucking dick, dancing around in dresses—in order to go to his wholly imaginary God's entirely fictitious heaven.

So, SLG, who cares if he thinks you're a perv? You are a bit of a perv. So am I. And we're happily married pervs, and he's a miserable "normal man" with multiple alimony payments to make and kids who despise him and, without a doubt, one or two sexual urges that he's too terrified to act on. We've got the much better deal, SLG, even if we have to put up with being called "perv" by scum every now and then.

Turn ons: Men in panties
Turn offs: Men in pigtails and Mary Janes

Something fishy

From the NY Post:

THE cheese-eating surrender monkeys of France get a good bashing in "50 Reasons to Hate the French," just out from Chicago publisher Ivan R. Dee. Jules Eden and Alex Clarke rip the Gauls as rude, anti-Semitic escargot eaters who are not as good in bed as they think, whose wine is inferior to American and who are the world's biggest users of suppositories. The authors cite a government survey that found 40 percent of French men and 25 percent of French women don't change their underwear daily. "There just is something fishy about the French," they conclude.

The picture, from Martha Stewart's blog, was taken in France. She calls the topiaries in back "puffins."

Sometimes a topiary is just a topiary. But remember, France is the home of the fleur de lis, which is a symbol for a circumcized penis. Wonder if the Boy Scouts knew that when they chose it as their symbol.

That's gotta hurt

This is a news story from Australia:

AN Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break.

Metro.co.uk reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.

He said: "I don't remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.

"Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis."

"Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually."

Mitt Romney explains it all away

This is what's running in Iowa right now:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=32IO7tX9Co0

Here's the transcript:

If we're going to change Washington, Republicans have to put our own house in order. We can't be like Democrats, the party of big spending. We can't pretend our borders are secure from illegal imigration. We can't have ethical standards that are a punchline for Jay Leno. When Republicans act like Democrats, America loses. It's time for Republicans to start acting like Republicans. It's time for a change and change begins with us.

Way to go, Mitt. Appeal to the Republican base. Continue the political divisiveness that is destroying our country and the world. Blame the Democrats for everything.

God/Allah must not like Iran

Because he didn't put any gay there. This is what Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said today:

“In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you that we have this.”

I have to admit the guy is charismatic. Ahmadinejad was on 60 Minutes last night and I found myself believing a lot of what he said. He's very good at twisting the undeniable facts (that GWB is moron with no integrity) to make himself look good.

We will be bombing Iran before the next election. I guarantee it. Ahmadinefool is playing right into Bush's hands.

He makes my heart warm

There's a plastic surgeon who has a blog where he speculates about what procedures different celebrities have had done. According to the surgeon, Robert Redford has probably had an eye lift, chemical peel, and botox. I think he might also be wearing a wig. At the very least, he colors his hair.

And I don't care. He's still gorgeous. Just looking at him makes me happy.

Check out this You Tube video of an hour long interview he did with Charlie Rose, where he talked about his art, his career as an actor and director, and his politics.


Turn ons: The smile, the hairy chest, the perfect ass, the voice
Turn offs: Nothing turns me off when I've got Robert Redford's picture in front of me

Happy ending

Did you know that the police sometimes ask civilians to go undercover and have sex with masseuses to prove prostitution cases? It's allowed in Pennsylvania and several other states. I know a lot of guys who wouldn't mind having that job but most experts consider it unethical.

I found this snippet in an article about one such case:

Mary Anne Layden, a clinical psychologist with the University of Pennsylvania Health System ... said the debate over how prostitution investigations are conducted obscures a far more serious issue: the exploitation of women whose backgrounds, research shows, almost always include sexual and physical trauma.

Most prostitutes are forced into the lifestyle when they are little more than children and about 70 percent suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result -- a higher percentage than researchers have found among soldiers at war, she said.

Layden said the most effective way to stem prostitution and related crimes such as human trafficking is to ''flip'' the standard approach by treating prostitutes as victims -- giving them psychotherapy and job training instead of jail -- and targeting johns as criminals.

In Sweden, this approach was been credited with reducing prostitution by 50 percent within a decade. Conversely, Germany and Australia saw massive increases in prostitution after legalizing the practice, with increasing numbers of children forced into the lifestyle to meet the demand.

''You have to aim at the john,'' Layden said. ''Until we target the real source of the problem, the demand end, we're not going to make any headway.''

Sadly, I think this approach makes way too much sense to ever be used in the U.S., where most of the johns are middle class white guys and most of the prostitutes are poor and female and often not white.

Sex capers

The wurst that could happen: A guy tries to smuggle two dildos into Dubai by hiding them in German sausages ...

I know that sounds like the start of a dirty joke but that's pretty much the whole story. Lucky for him, he got caught in Germany where it's not illegal to slip a dildo in your sausage. Who knows what they would have done to him in Dubai.

Fink stink: James Lee Fink of West Virginia received a $200 fine and a year probation for making more than 600 phone calls to a shoe store and other places, asking women what kind of shoes they were wearing and whether they would show him their feet if he came in the store.

Bagging the bag boy: Hot chick having sex with an underage boy seems to be commonplace nowadays. This time, the 22 year old woman is the wife of a deputy sheriff and she works at a grocery store. The boy was 16. A co-worker videotaped the whole thing.

What makes this case unique is that the victim also got arrested because he participated in making child porn.

MUFF: This week, papers filed in the Britney-Kfed child custody case accuse Britney of the heinous sin of being naked in front of her toddlers. A group that calls itself Mothers Undressed in Freedom Forever plans to stage a protest on Saturday in L.A.

Toilet Duck fuck: An Australian burglar broke into his neighbor's home. She came home to find porn magazines and clothes scattered around her bathroom. The intruder had constructed a sex aid using a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood, and a latex glove. There was a vacuum cleaner involved as well. He left behind a black bag filled with condoms, gloves and lubes.

The crime was commited three years ago but the guy was only tracked down recently through DNA. He said he was a heavy drug user at the time.

Al Pacino says Hoo-Yah: If you enjoy the scent of a woman, you might want to check out a new offering called Vulva Original. According to the makers:

The precious, vaginal odour is filled into a small glass phial. The phial is shaken gently, only a tiny amount of the precious, organic substance is applied onto the back of the hand ... and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies ...

Now, if Tom Ford ever perfects his formula for cologne that smells like a man's crotch ...

God responds

State Senator Ernie Chambers of Omaha, a.k.a. "the angriest black man in Nebraska" filed a lawsuit against God to protest what he considers to be a frivolous lawsuit filed by someone else. Chambers wants:

... a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

God's response "miraculously appeared" at the Douglas County clerk's office. The almighty agues that Nebraska courts lack jurisdiction. Besides, He says, He gave humans free will so it's our own damn fault for the mess we're in.

I was once under the jurisdiction of the Douglas County courts. About 20 years ago, I went to Omaha to see a therapist. I was weepy and depressed and she was afraid to let me drive home, so I agreed to check myself into a psych ward. The next day, after some medication and a good night's sleep, I was calmed down and wanted to leave.

But the psychiatrist decided otherwise. He filed commitment papers and had me held against my will. It was supposed to be for 48 hours, but it was Easter weekend so he got to hold me for almost 5 days. And he collected $110 per day for his trouble, even though he only came to see me twice the whole time I was there.

Best spring break ever - if you like reading old Readers Digests and eating mashed potatoes and jello.

I later found out the psychiatrist was sued by the state of Iowa for defrauding Medicaid by filing false claims. He had a long history of pulling crap like that.

In other news, a guy in Des Moines got arrested for hitting the back of his wife's head with an onion.

Asshole alert

Read what some sick fuck in Georgia did:

The new warrant charges that Hilmo "did give injured live cats and kittens to his pit bull dogs and let the pit bulls kill the already injured cats and kittens. Hilmo would capture and injure neighborhood cats for this purpose ..."

Authorities found the bodies of two kittens near Hilmo's residence. Bourbonnais said they also found a gruesome image on Hilmo's cell phone: a picture of one of his pit bulls and one of the mauled, dead kittens, and beneath picture a caption that says "Good Dog."

i can has pepper spray?

Maclean's got it right

It doesn't take a genius x 3

1) A few months ago, I emailed a complaint to the NY Times. They sent me your basic thanks-for-your-feedback-but-shove-it reply. I had followed a Yahoo News link to their site and had to register to read the article. It would have cost me $7.95 to read the article. Now, as of this week, most of their site is free:

What changed, The Times said, was that many more readers started coming to the site from search engines and links on other sites instead of coming directly to NYTimes.com. These indirect readers, unable to get access to articles behind the pay wall and less likely to pay subscription fees than the more loyal direct users, were seen as opportunities for more page views and increased advertising revenue.

Duh.

2) What happens when you put your pet rattlesnake down your throat? If you can't figure it out, you must be as drunk as this guy was. Amazingly, he survived.

3) Target rejected these Halloween candy prototypes. Some of them creep me out but they'd be kind of fun. One of them is pictured above.

Turn ons: candy corn, black jacks, peanut butter kisses
Turn offs: cavities

Is the world flat?

Someone else you've never heard of: Sherri Shepherd is the newest co-host of "The View," joining the infamous Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar and Barbara Walters. On yesterday's show, Sherri said she doesn't believe in evolution, period. Whoopi asked her, "Do you think the world is flat?" Sherri said, "I don't know."

And she was completely serious! She wasn't just trying to make a point. Even Elisabeth, who's an idiot herself, was shocked. She asked what Sherri was going to teach her son. Sherri said that when he's old enough to ask those questions, she'll go look it up.

WTF? You can see a clip here.

Turn ons: menwholooklikekennyrogers.com
Turn offs: ignorance

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is dangerous

According to TMZ.com, Barry Manilow was supposed to appear on The View tomorrow but he canceled because of host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. He told TMZ:

I strongly disagree with her views. I think she's dangerous and offensive. I will not be on the same stage as her.

I wish more people would take a stand like he did. If they had trouble booking guests, maybe Barbara Walters would wise up and get rid of EH and the View Master, Bill Gedde, who agrees with her. I think he's the one who leaked the most negative quotes of Rosie O'Donnell's new book to Rupert Murdoch's minions, who are beating up Rosie in all their newspapers and TV stations.

I'd have more respect for EH if she actually had views. All she does is parrot all the idiots she listens to on Fox News.

Michael Douglas did us all a favor

Very interesting article today about May-December relationships. Researchers believe that older men having children with younger women is the reason why humans are living longer.

The theory is that men who are able to reproduce in their old age pass a longevity gene to the offspring. Men who live longer have more children. Natural selection, baby.

I'm sure the fundies will have their own explanation. Maybe God likes Michael Douglas so he rewarded him with a hot chick.

Maybe that's also why humans lost the monkey faces. It's usually good-looking guys like Douglas and Brad Pitt who get the hot chicks.

Denial's not just a river in Iraq

Alan Greenspan has a new book out. From Yahoo News:

"Whatever their publicized angst over Saddam Hussein's 'weapons of mass destruction,' American and British authorities were also concerned about violence in an area that harbors a resource indispensable for the functioning of the world economy," Greenspan wrote.

"I'm saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: The Iraq war is largely about oil," added Greenspan, who for decades had been one of the most respected U.S. voices on fiscal policies.

When Secretary of Defense Gates was questioned about it, he couldn't even bring himself to give a full denial. He hedged:

"I wasn't here for the decision-making process that initiated it, that started the war ... I know the same allegation was made about the Gulf War in 1991, and I just don't believe it's true."

He trotted out the old WMD defense again, more of that "publicized angst" Greenspan was talking about. Gates said:

"I think that it's really about stability in the Gulf. It's about rogue regimes trying to develop weapons of mass destruction. It's about aggressive dictators."

Pardon me if I scoff, but I thought the "aggressive dictator" was dead. Didn't they hang him?

Maybe it's just a coincidence that one of Bush's primary supporters, Ray Hunt of Hunt Oil, signed a big deal with the Kurds this week. Bush isn't happy with the Iraqi prime minister Maliki and the oil deal with the Kurds further undermines Maliki's government. Looks like Bush is trying to partition Iraq and he wants to make sure his oil buddies make a few hundred million in the process.

Or maybe it's all about the money and he really doesn't give a shit what happens to Iraq.

Naw, he's not that evil, is he? It's not like he lied to all of us and sent more than 3,000 American troops to their deaths and caused thousands of others to be maimed. We're not even counting dead Iraqis.

Another penis

Awhile back, I said that John Waters looks like a penis. So does Fred Thompson. The difference between John Waters and Fred Thompson is that Fred really is a dickhead.

Affordable is relative

I've always wondered why anyone would put their life out there on the internet where anyone can read it. And I wonder why I'm posting what I'm about to post. Am I looking for sympathy? Maybe. Mainly, I just want to give my perspective on something.

On Friday, Oprah's guest was Vera Wang. Vera has a new clothing line that's sold exclusively at Kohl's. As the models came onstage, Vera described what they were wearing and Oprah oohed and aahed and asked how much it was. And then she'd say, "Oh, that's very affordable." There was a coat that was about $200, a cardigan for $100, skirts and dresses for around $70.

Yes, that's very affordable in Oprah's world. Like I said in a previous post, I've been surfing sites like Neiman Marcus and Saks and Bergdorf Goodman, the kinds of places where Oprah might shop. A sweater goes for $750, a dress might be $1200, a pair of shoes might be $900.

Then, Friday night, I was watching "What Not to Wear." The woman they ambushed this week said that she only spends $40 a year on clothes. Clinton and Stacy were shocked. SHOCKED! Clinton even made the oogley eyes.

I decided to add up what I've spent on clothes in the last year. Since January, the only clothing items I have bought were some pants at Shopko. They were on sale and I paid $25 for the pair.

In 2006, I bought three pair of underwear for $7, three dorm shirts for $30, canvas slip on shoes for $3. I can't remember buying any other clothes. I did acquire a few hand-me-down tops and shoes from my mother. Most of what's in my closet right now are hand-me-downs.

So I spent $65 on clothes in the last two years. Poor Clinton's eyes would pop out of his head if he knew that.

I have to admit it's not entirely because my income is below the federal poverty level. I manage to come up with the money for cable TV and internet service. If I gave that up, I could buy clothes. But I still couldn't afford to go anywhere so I'd just be sitting at home looking at my new clothes.

TV and internet are far more entertaining. My cats don't mind if I wear dorm shirts all the time.

Pink shirts and agritainment

Warm fuzzy alert.

A 9th grade boy in Nova Scotia showed up for his first day of high school wearing a pink shirt. When the bullies started picking on him, called him gay, and threatened to beat him up, two 12th graders who had once been bullied themselves organized a pink shirt campaign.

Two days later, more than 400 kids showed up at school wearing pink shirts.

In Michigan, a farmer designed his corn maze to look like a portrait of Gerald Ford. It's only one feature of the "agritainment" he offers visitors. There's also an orchard where you can pick your own apples and a pumpkin patch.

Turn ons: The funniest video I've seen all week (click here to watch)
Turn offs: Bullies

Nut jobs

Christian and Muslims fundies aren't the only nut jobs. Hindu extremists badgered the Indian government to withdraw a report about a natural bridge formation made of sand and stones. The Hindus believe the bridge was built by the god Ram and an army of monkeys.

They're not totally nuts though - Hindu opposition is keeping the government from destroying the structure to build a shipping canal.

In non-religious nut job news: Director Vincent Gallo, the guy who cursed Roger Ebert and gave him cancer, is going after a critic from the NY Post. Ever since Chloe Sevigny gave Gallo a graphic BJ in the film "The Brown Bunny," people have speculated that the oversized member was a prosthetic. This week, Gallo invited the critic to have his wife, daughter or sister sample the goods and report back to him, alleging that everyone who thought it was a dildo is just jealous because they're not well-endowed themselves.

The critic's response was basically "I know I am but so are you."

By the way, Viggo Mortensen shows the real full monty in his new movie, "Eastern Promises." Wonder if it's worth seeing on the big screen?

Nutty celebrity tidbits from Cindy Adams:

• That middle R in ex-Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales' name is for a nonexistent name. Stands for nothing. Like him.
• Kirstie Alley once had her publicist wet-nurse a baby possum.
• Gisele Bundchen's "favorite thing is to pop pimples."
• Steve Carell won't dry off after a shower. Just gets dressed wet.
• Michelle Pfeiffer is leery of blue M&Ms: "They just don't seem right."

Oh, and you ask why would a guy change his name to Meatloaf? Because his real first name is Marvin.

How subtle, part 2

Paul Sorvino must be so proud of his daughter Mira.

Here's an interesting tidbit I picked up from the NY Post's coverage of NY Fashion Week:

Models do eat! Tissues, that is. An insider told me why all the backstage rooms were stocked with Kleenex and water. Runny noses from a certain drug? I asked. “No, they eat them to fill up without calories. They come out the other end, too,” she said.

How subtle

I've developed a strange new hobby. Relieves anxiety better than playing Spider Solitaire. No, it's not what the girl appears to be doing in the picture.

On nights when I can't sleep, I look at high end fashion on sites like style.com, Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman.

I save the pictures I like and sort them into folders, like "Oscar Gowns," "Business Suits," "Casual," or "Rock Star." I've got hundreds of photos saved. I suppose I'll stop doing it when I run out of space on my hard drive.

But that's how I happened to run across this picture. Not exactly subliminal advertising. Want to get more pussy? Buy designer Tom Ford's new cologne for men.

Tom Ford is also the genius who brought us cologne that smells like cocaine and he's trying to develop one that smells like a man's crotch. Ooh, I love the smell of funk in the morning.


Turn ons: Men's crotches
Turn offs: Not so subliminal advertising

The Minnesota Toe Licker

I was going to post the photo but it's funnier if you know why he was arrested before you see the mugshot. Ladies and gentlemen, the Minnesota Toe Licker.

Please click here.

Flying Southwest? Don't forget your burkha

Two different women have complained that they've been tossed off Southwest Airlines flights because their outfits were too skimpy. So now flight attendants are the style police? I don't like seeing women run around in micro minis with their boobies hanging out, but as long as the naughty bits are covered, I don't think an airline has the right to harass them. Especially when there is no dress code spelled out when you buy the tickets.

This really pisses me off!

An excuse to post a picture of Brad

A spy for In Touch Weekly allegedly overheard Angelina say:

"I won't talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid. Someone has to make the big decisions, though. He'll put money into things — but it's bizarre! It doesn't always make sense to me."

"The reality is, we're not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions. Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty."

By the way, today is Conception Day in Russia. Everyone's supposed to stay home and try to conceive a baby.

Brad, I'm available. All you have to do is lay there and look pretty.

The Christian Theocracy

When Kathy Griffin won an Emmy for her show "Life on the D List" this week, she made what I consider to be one of the best acceptance speeches ever:

... a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus! This award is my god now.

But the Jesus freaks are having none of that. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences have already announced that they're going to censor her speech when they broadcast the show this weekend. The Catholic League President called it vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech.

If they're going to censor Kathy, I think they should censor all the nitwits who get up there and say "Thank you, Jesus." If I have to listen to them, I think us atheists should get equal time.

Turn ons: Kathy Griffins in-your-face humor
Turn offs: Censors kissing Christian asses

Took me all day to find something to laugh about

And here it is. This is from the police log in Hull, MA:

Friday ... 9:42 p.m. Caller reports there is a talking deer head with a cigarette in its mouth stuck up in a telephone pole, Samoset Ave. at Adams St. O/Fahey, O/Saunders, O/McKenna detailed. O/McKenna reports it is walkie-talkie activated. The deer was speaking to the officers, so the owner must be nearby, watching officers. Officers removed the deer and will bring it to HQ ...

Jim McGreevey, the adulterer

Sen. Larry Craig resigned on Saturday after being outed for tapping his foot in a mens' room. Even though he's a Republican and has spent his professional life fighting against a lot of what I believe in, I have compassion for the guy. I don't think he committed a crime but he pled guilty to one out of shame and desperate to save his reputation.

This is from a Washington Post editorial written by Jim McGreevey, the former NJ governor who cheated on his wife with another man and resigned in the midst of public outrage:

As a child, recognizing my difference from other kids, I went to the local public library to try to better understand my reality. Back then, many library card catalogues didn't even list "homosexuality" as a topic. I had to go to "sexuality, deviant" to learn about myself, and the collected works were few and frightening: "Journal of Nervous and Mental Diseases," "Homosexuality: Its Causes and Cure," "Sexual Deviance & Sexual Deviants."

If you haven't experienced it, it may be hard to understand the sinking feeling most every gay boy or girl of my generation experienced upon coming across that section of the library. All I could do was slam the drawer closed and leave, steeped in hopelessness.

No relief was forthcoming from my then-Catholic faith, which said the practice of homosexuality was a "mortal sin" subject to damnation.

In the way that teenagers do, I came to the conclusion that my only options were suicide, something for which I could never find the courage, or "closeting" my homosexuality. After all the whispering, fights, insults, reading of academic journals and lessons from the church, you simply say to yourself: This thing, being gay, can't be me. Everything and everyone told me it was wrong, evil, unnatural and shameful. You decide: I'll change it, I'll fight it, I'll control it, but, simply put, I'll never accept it. You then attempt to place "it" in a metaphorical closet, keep it separate from open daily life and indulge it only in dark, secret places ...

How do you live with this shame? How do you accommodate your own disappointments, your own revulsion with whom you have become? You do it by splitting in two. You rescue part of yourself, the half that stands for tradition, values and America, the part that looks like the family you came from, and you walk away from the other half the way you would abandon something spoiled, something disgusting.

McGreevey gave the best explanation I've seen for why people like Craig not only deny their own homosexuality but actively campaign against gay rights.

I think that the young gay bloggers like Perez Hilton who are beating up on Craig don't understand what it was like to grow up without the internet, in the days when "homosexual" couldn't be found in the card catalogue at the library.

Turn ons: gay porn
Turn offs: fear and loathing