The cock crows

More on the latest Republican closet queen to be outed. He claimed his foot touched the foot of the undercover cop in the next bathroom stall because he has "a wide stance when going to the bathroom."

During his news conference on Tuesday, Larry Craig said he was not gay three times. Like Peter denying Jesus three times before the cock crowed.

From Dana Milbank's op ed for the Washington Post:


From the opening line of his statement yesterday, Sen. Larry Craig was in trouble. "Thank you all very much for coming out today," he began ...

Twice in his statement, Craig, speaking beneath sunny skies, apologized for the "cloud over Idaho" caused by his arrest. Actually, the cloud is over Craig, not his home state.

But it's easy to see how Craig might overestimate the size of his shadow: He has a wide stance.

Actually, I think there is a shadow over the state of Idaho - a red shadow that pressures gay men to marry women and keep their true desires on the down low. Craig's wife wore big sunglasses to the news conference and I wondered if she was under sedation because she stood there like a zombie. It seemed like she was trying to distance herself from him.

I'm all for outing homophobic hypocrites, but I think persecuting them hurts gay rights in the long run. It reinforces the idea that being gay is something to be ashamed of.

But openly gay Rep. Barney Frank made a good point when he appeared on Bill Maher's show last fall:


The right to privacy should not be a right to hypocrisy and people who want to demonize other people shouldn't then be able to go home and close the door and do it themselves.


Watch Barney's fantastic rant on You Tube.

I don't like spiders and snakes

Remember that old Jim Stafford song?

She said, "I don't like spiders and snakes

And that ain't what it takes to love me

You fool, you fool

I don't like spiders and snakes

And that ain't what it takes to love me

Like I want to be loved by you"

I thought of that when I read this story from The Sun. Caution: It will give you the creeps.

A man in Dortmund, Germany, died after he was bitten by his pet black widow spider. Then, his pet lizards tore off pieces of his flesh. His termites (which were supposed to be spider food) ate his insides.

A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa.

“Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth.

“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles.

“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

Next time I get pissed off at my landlord, I'll try to remind myself at least I don't live next door to someone like that. I hope not anyway.

Republican closet queens

I know better than to believe everything I read in blogs, so when I first started seeing these rumors, I didn't take them seriously. Especially since the people spreading them have political motivations similar to mine. This is from Down with Tranny:

Well, actually there are 3 United States senators-- as well as half a dozen Republican congressmen-- who have consistently vicious homophobic voting records but who all partake in sex with other men. The senators are McConnell (R-KY), Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and Larry Craig (R-ID) ...

62 year old Craig ... quickly married a staffer when threatened several years ago with exposure in a gay sex scandal. (She already had 3 children, which he has adopted) ...

So why am I taking this report a little more seriously now? On June 11, Sen. Craig was arrested for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room. He pled guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct on Aug. 8. You can read the dirty details here.

I hate hypocrites and Craig has always voted against gay rights. But I still feel a little sorry for him. I don't like the way police are harassing gay men. If you read the dirty details I linked above, you'll see that what Craig was accused of doing wasn't all that bad. Apparently, sitting in a men's room stall and tapping your foot is a sign to the guy in the next stall that you're looking for a sexual encounter. If the other guy isn't interested, he doesn't have to tap back. In my opinion, there's nothing aggressive or predatory about tapping your foot. It's nowhere near as annoying as a guy walking up to a woman in a bar and leering at her before he tries to buy a drink.

Craig didn't expose himself or offer the guy money for sex or even volunteer to blow the guy. I really don't think anybody should get arrested for what he allegedly did.

On another somewhat related note: Comedian Andy Dick doesn't attempt to hide his gayness. He's been photographed kissing and groping other guys in public. If you'd like to see a picture of his dick, click here.

Now that's something to get arrested for.

What the fark!

One of today's headlines from fark.com:

Not news: Dog bites man. News: Man bites dog. Fark: Man bites girlfriend's snake and tells her it tasted lovely

That's pretty much the whole story but you can find a few more details here.

I got an email from Hillary's campaign about a meeting in town next week to organize volunteers to help her win the Iowa caucuses. I want to support her - the more I see of the other candidates, the more I'm convinced she'll make the best president. But I despise all the phone calls I've been getting from Dems and Republicans over the last 8 months.

Why are the Republicans calling me anyway? I'm a registered Democrat. No way in hell I'd support someone whose campaign is based on gay bashing, immigrant bashing and depriving women of reproductice rights. And yet I'm getting taped phone calls and mailings from John McCain and Tom Tancredo preaching just that. This week, I got a mailing from Giuliani.

Anyway, I'm reluctant to volunteer for Hillary's campaign because I don't want to be the one making those annoying phone calls. Not to mention, I don't have much energy for anything right now.

I've still got a crush on Kucinich. If I could sing and looked good in a bikini, I'd post a "Kucinich Girl" video on You Tube.

Turn ons: Dennis Kucinich's elf ears
Turn offs: Being invisible

Sad, sad, sad

The picture is from the Daily Mail. It's the aftermath of a battle between Amy Winehouse and her husband. She's such a talented singer and she's destroying herself with an addiction to crack and heroin and self-mutilation. Their parents teamed up to get them to go to rehab but they left a few days later.

I just read Amy's version of what happened on Perez Hilton. She said she was cutting herself and he tried to stop her so she started cutting him. The marks on his face look a lot like the marks I had when I cut myself with razor blades, so I believe her. And now that I look more closely, what I thought were bruises on her face look like smeared eye makeup. There's a larger version of the pictures at the Daily Mail link I gave above.

For awhile, in the late 80s and 90s, the celebrity drug culture went out of style, but it's back at full steam now. Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, who both have so much to offer, have thoroughly fucked up their lives. Britney is on the verge of losing custody of her two toddlers. Lindsay was convicted for two DUIs today. Their careers might be over.

And then there are the airheads like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, the modern day Zsa Zsa Gabors who got famous by going to all the right parties and getting their pictures taken in the right clothes. They've both been convicted on drug and alcohol charges too.

I'm filing this under "dead celebrities" because I'm afraid at least one of these chicks will end up that way soon.

Daddy bear Spicoli

You know you want him.

Speaking of Sean Penn, his ex-wife has been working on a new album. Madonna and Justin Timberlake are performing together on the MTV Video Music Awards this month. Get ready for Nipplegate 2.

If Madonna decides to show hers, she won't wimp out and pretend it's an accident like Janet Jackson did.

If I post a nakie ...

... will Seattle go Psycho?

I wish more women would do this

A guy at an Astros baseball game arranged to propose to his girlfriend on the jumbotron. She got mad and dumped a bag of popcorn on his head then walked out. Good for her.

Nothing like putting someone on the spot. Asshole got what he deserved.

Yeah, I'm cynical.

TALON

The Pentagon has a program called TALON that collects info on people who attend anti-war rallies and other peaceful protests. They got caught so now they're shutting it down. The info is kept in a large database and analyzed by an agency called Counterintelligence Field Activity.

Here's the scariest line in the article: CIFA is a three-year-old outfit whose size and budget are secret.

Those neighbors who moved in the apartment across from me who are always trying to see into my apartment? I'm thinking maybe they're CIFA.

Turn ons: Paranoia - it keeps my adrenaline pumping.
Turn offs: Paranoia -it keeps my blinds closed. I haven't seen the sun in 3 or 4 days.

It wasn't me, I swear

A chick in Des Moines, Iowa, went on a naked rampage with a hammer. She "became enraged for unknown reasons" and smashed out the windows of a van and pulled her friend's hair and slammed her head against the wall.

I know I've been having some bad days recently, but at least I managed to keep my clothes on. And I haven't broken any windows. Yet.

The story's really not all that funny but I liked the woman's name: Satin Delfrano. Sounds like a stripper name, doesn't it? The face in the mug shot doesn't quite go with the name.

I'll admit that ...

... this is just an excuse to post a picture of Jon Bon Jovi. But the New Jersey legislature is proposing to name his song, "Who Says You Can't Go Home," as the state theme song.

What I wish my doctor would say

Remember, Japanese eat little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, Mexicans eat lots of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, Chinese drink little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, Italians drink lots of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. Conclusion: Eat, drink what you want. Speaking English is what kills you.

~ from Cindy Adams

A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Merv Griffin was gay.

Why should that be so uncomfortable to read? Why is it so difficult to write? Why are we still so jittery even about raising the issue in purportedly liberal-minded Hollywood in 2007? We can refer to it casually in conversation, but the mainstream media somehow remains trapped in the Dark Ages when it comes to labeling a person as gay.

Maybe that helps explain why Griffin, who died of prostate cancer Sunday at 82, stayed in the closet throughout his life. Perhaps he figured it was preferable to remain the object of gossip rather than live openly as "one of them." But how tremendously sad it is that a man of Merv's renown, of his gregarious nature and social dexterity, would feel compelled to endure such a stealthy double life even as the gay community's clout, and its levels of acceptance and equality, rose steadily from the ashes of ignorance.

I'm not at all insinuating that Griffin had a responsibility to come out. That was up to him.

But what a powerful message Griffin might have sent had he squired his male companions around town rather than Eva Gabor, his longtime good friend and platonic public pal. Imagine the amount of good Merv could have done as a well-respected, hugely successful, beloved and uncloseted gay man in embodying a positive image ...

If you're Griffin, why would you think a judgmental culture would be any more tolerant as you grew into middle and old age? Even in the capital of entertainment -- in a business where homosexuality isn't exactly a rare phenomenon -- it's still spoken of in hushed tones or, more often, not at all. And Merv's brush with tabloid scandal no doubt only drove him further into the closet.

While it would seem everything has changed today, little actually has.

In honor of Merv, and to cheer myself up after reading this, here's a video I found on You Tube: Bear Force 1

Sorry, Seattle

But John Waters looks like a penis.

Arrest me, occifer

According to TMZ.com, Brad Pitt is serving jury duty on a DUI case. Now, wouldn't that be worth getting arrested?

Good news, or at least what I'm trying to convince myself is good news until I know otherwise. I think I've found a new therapist and a new nurse practitioner (for my psych meds).

I didn't go to my regularly scheduled therapy appointment today. My (now former) therapist didn't make any attempt to call me to make sure I was alright. Even though she knows I've been suicidal. Even though she knows I was extremely upset when I left her office last week.

That told me everything I needed to know. She only agreed to see me in the first place as a favor to my psychiatrist who retired. I know she's glad to be rid of me.

So I called the community mental health center. Because they're funded by the state and county, they're not allowed to turn away mental patients who are on disability. I expected the staff to be rude, but I knew they couldn't be any worse than what I've been getting at the old place.

But they were nice to me. Everyone I encountered--from the person at the front desk, to the intake worker who processed all my paperwork, to the supervisor she consulted--was kind and compassionate. The whole culture of the place was completely different. Even the people in the waiting room were happy. The receptionists were greeting people by name.

The intake worker and her supervisor fast-tracked me and got me hooked up with the NP in only two weeks, instead of the normal 4-5 week wait. I get to see a therapist next week.

And they didn't just stick me with whoever was in line to take the next patient. They asked if I preferred male or female, I said I preferred female but I also preferred someone who was older, so I'd rather have an older man than a younger woman. (Why does that sound dirty?)

They went over the list of who was available and chose the ones they thought would be best suited to me. I had already told them why I wanted to change providers and they were completely understanding about it. They said they'd heard the same complaints from other people.

And the $1 co-pay that was the reason the bitch went off on me last week? This place doesn't ask for it. Ever. In fact, they told me they believe the co-pay is not even supposed to be charged for mental health services.

Now, if only my Brad would let me stick MY hands in his pants pockets. I promise I won't hurt you, baby.

Turn ons: people who treat other people like human beings
Turn offs: the bitchy receptionist and the airhead therapist at the old place

Bill O'Reilly is brilliant

Stephen Colbert parodies Bill O'Reilly four nights a week, portraying himself as an egotistical, narrow-minded conservative blowhard, and he lampoons right-wingers in the process.

But have you ever considered the possibility that Bill O'Reilly is a parody himself? He's so ridiculous and over the top that he makes all Republicans look like blundering, perverted idiots.

Some of my favorite Bill O'Reilly quotes:

"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business..." (from a taped phone call with producer Andrea Mackris who sued him for sexual harassment)

"Do you have clothes on? ... Are you drunk or anything? ... It's just you and your friends cavorting ... Is it two women together? Could it be in a provocative way? ... Any sexual nature in the pictures? ... Okay, it's not a negligee situation or anything like that ... There's nothing provocative in the pictures? ... Is this a fantasy picture thing? Were you dressed up in a certain way? ... She could be dressed as some kind of dominatrix thing or something like that ... Can you just give me a hint?" (from an interview with Miss New Jersey about her photo scandal)

A guy on the Crooks and Liars website noted that Bill O kept one hand in his lap during the Miss New Jersey interview.

I don't think Bill's as stupid as he'd like us to believe. He uses the negligees and falafels as distractions. I think he's a closet liberal leading his right-wing lemmings to the cliff. At the last minute, he'll step aside and they'll go hurtling to the rocks below.

If I'm wrong, he'll go hurtling with them. A win/win situation.

The Italian sausage guy & the judge who lost his pants

By now, everyone has heard the story about the Washington, DC, judge who sued a dry cleaner for $54 million after they lost his pants. Now an oversight panel is deciding whether or not he'll lose his job. From The Washington Post:

The panel's discussion about Pearson's future has focused on what role a judge's behavior outside the courtroom should play in assessing his qualifications. Was Pearson's extraordinary zeal in pursuing the case against the Chungs so embarrassing that it amounts to evidence of poor judicial temperament?

Isn't that a no-brainer?

In other legal news, I think I found a friend for the Italian sausage guy I posted about. From the NY Post:

A man says he was unjustly fired after spurning the advances of his boss - who bared her breasts to him repeatedly, tried to touch his genitals and offered to help him quit smoking by substituting "real" kisses for cigarettes, according to a blockbuster lawsuit ...

In May, Carrion says he gave 30 days' notice of his resignation but was fired the following day by the medical director, who told him, "Company policy is that you get terminated for making sexual-harassment complaints," according to court papers.

If he can prove the guy who fired him really said that, he should win the case.

Turn ons: Italian sausage and lost pants
Turn offs: the wrong guy with Italian sausage and lost pants

Better than the Energizer bunny

In case Clint Eastwood wasn't good enough, another nakie.

Remember when Robert Conrad did those Eveready commercials where he put the battery on his shoulder and dared anyone to knock it off?

More nakies for Seattle

My friend in Seattle requested more pictures of naked men. He likes older guys and vintage movie stars, so ladies and gentlemen, I present Clint Eastwood.

What? Not hot enough for you?

Be honest, Seattle. You wouldn't kick him out of bed.

When my mother took me to see the strippers

A few months ago, my mom asked if I wanted to go see Thunder from Down Under with her and two of her aunts. Now mind you, my mother is 66 and her aunts are slightly older.

When I was growing up, she made the lemon-sucking face if anyone dared to talk about anything remotely sexual. But after my dad died, she went through a bit of a sexual revolution. She started asking me to go see movies like Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction. She knew there'd be naked people. We didn't discuss the fact that the naked people were the reason she wanted to see those movies. She would act embarrassed about the jiggly parts but that didn't stop her from wanting to go.

Although I got used to the idea of sitting next to my mother in a dark theater watching Michael Douglas's butt double humping Sharon Stone (no way that was MD's butt), it still shocked the hell out of me last year when she said she wanted to see Brokeback Mountain.

But she heard about it on Oprah and she thought it would be good. She didn't like the movie as much as I did, but it wasn't the gay sex she objected to. She's not into artsy fartsy. Mom's idea of a great movie is Wild Hogs with John Travolta and Tim Allen. Months later, she's still laughing about that one.

I was only mildly surprised that she wanted to see the Thunder. And amused when her only complaint afterwards was that the guys didn't show enough. Most of them only stripped down to speedos, and only one of them was packing. Too bad it wasn't the one who danced on our table.

The highlight of the show was near the end, when the emcee was looking for a volunteer to go up onstage with him while he danced. He promised to give her his thong. And who did he single out?

My timid little gray-haired mother, who stands (maybe) four-foot-nine.

I have never been prouder of my mother than I was when she said no. Firmly. Repeatedly. In spite of the fact that he was standing over her with a microphone, with a spotlight on her, tugging on her arm and taunting her.

My mom likes to look at naked men but she doesn't want them shaking their goodies in her face.

He finally gave up and found another volunteer. The guy in the picture? That's the emcee.

Turn ons: Michael Douglas's butt double
Turn offs: Men in speedos

So there you have it

Nobody in the entire state of Iowa gives a shit what happens to me. It's probably a good thing I don't have any razor blades in the house tonight.

I was feeling better before I went to my therapy appointment today. A new employee was working at the front desk, and as always happens when a new employee is there, she asked me for my co-pay.

The problem is, I'm not supposed to pay a co-pay. As was first explained to me by my psychiatrist. As has been discussed with the office staff over and over again. So she asked me for the co-pay and I said no. My therapist happened to be standing right there and told me to come on back.

When I came out of the session, another new employee ambushed me and told me I owed them the co-pay. My therapist said, "No, she doesn't."

But the bitch would not back down. I calmly explained to her why I'm not supposed to pay it, why I'm tired of being asked for it all the time. (I've been going there once a week for more than 20 years - you'd think they'd get it by now, right?) I calmly stated that I didn't think it was fair that I should be harassed about it all the time when I wasn't doing anything wrong. Bitch still would not back down. Then she rolled her eyes at me.

She's lucky she still has eyes. Instead of maiming her, I calmly said, "Fuck you."

Then told my therapist I'm not going back there anymore.

The therapist? I think I said in a previous post that she's a moron. The whole time this was happening, she acted like it was all a big joke.

Fuck her too.

So now I have no psychiatrist - he retired. I have no therapist. I have no fucking money and no option of going anywhere else.

Guess I'll be blogging more.