Be my Valentine

Two totally unrelated stories. First:

According to Keith Olbermann, Tom Delay recently lost a debate with himself. He traveled to Oxford to debate Al Sharpton but when Sharpton didn't show up (notoriously camera-shy Al stayed in the U.S. to appear on Dr. Phil and several other shows to talk about Dog the Racist Bounty Hunter), Delay spoke at the Oxford Union alone.

When Delay said Hillary will win the election and warned that she would push through a British-style health care system. According to the AP there was "thunderous applause." Not quite the reaction he was looking for.

He then said "there's no one denied health care in America" which, according to the AP, was met with "derisive laughter."

Second:

A guy in Valentine, Nebraska, has been smearing his ass with Vaseline and leaving greasy ass prints on the windows of local businesses, schools and churches since May. The local paper calls him/them "lewd, lubricated, lurching lunatics." The local radio stations calls them "the butt cheek bandits."