The Monkey and The Pig

I surfed across an editorial on an Aussie website that had some choice things to say about Dubya and his brain:

In recent weeks, scanning the political coverage in the mainstream US media and sampling the blogs has been to watch a flood tide ebbing to reveal a rotting, skeletal hulk. It is the George W. Bush ship of fools, stuck in the mud for the world to see in all its mendacity, its incompetence, its faith-based stupidity.

It is possible, at this late stage, that even Bush himself has begun to realise something is wrong. That oddly simian face is ashen, the eyes leaden. The voice is shrill and its tone defensive.

"I'm the decider and I decide what's best," he squawked to reporters in the White House rose garden the other day, as the screws turned tighter on his disastrous Defence Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld. Can you imagine Roosevelt, Eisenhower or Kennedy blurting something like that?

I'm the decider and I decide what's best? If that doesn't sound like a second grader, what does? Here's what they said about Karl Rove:

KARL ROVE is another faux-Texan wheeler-dealer sometimes described as Bush's brain, a courtier most often seen superglued to the presidential right ear. Pink and pudgy, he looks like one of Disney's three little pigs, although infinitely more smug.

I'm so proud to be an Amurikin. :(

Turn ons: Bill Maher
Turn offs: the bitch he had guesting on his show Friday night

Farked

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. It is so worth the click. Keep reading at least until you get to the list of things he has within reach.

I'm stuck to my chair. I'm so very scared. Help.

Big Love

My bachelor brother hosted Easter dinner for the family. I ate too much as usual.

Then I came home and watched Big Love on HBO. I can't wait for the new episodes every week. I so cannot afford to keep HBO but I don't want to give it up. They've got the new series on Elizabeth I coming up and I'm also getting hooked on Entourage. Not to mention that I'm a movie hound.

Last night, AMC showed The Sting with trivia and commentary at the bottom of the screen. Lots of interesting little tidbits there. I am so horny for Robert Redford.

The funny thing is, when I was younger and saw all those movies the first time around - The Sting, The Way We Were, Out of Africa, et al, I couldn't see what all the fuss was about. I didn't think he was that great looking.

The latest pictures of Brad Pitt in Namibia show him sporting a mohawk. We want Tristan back.

Turn ons: Bill Paxton's bare ass.
Turn offs: Manscaping.

Debbie Does Dallas

I went to Dallas once with an acquaintance who was moving down there to take a job as a librarian. She was house-hunting and didn't want to make the trip alone. Evangelical Christian but not obnoxious about it. We stayed in a house with several women who were also Evangelicals. One of them invited me to go for a walk one night and then asked me if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. No. I don't believe in hell so I'm not especially worried about ending up there.

That was more than twenty years ago and I haven't seen or heard from my acquaintance since she moved. I heard through the grapevine that she got married.

Recently, I saw a documentary about the porn flick "Debbie Does Dallas." That's what inspired the title of my blog. I have no aspiration to be a porn star. Most porn I've seen is boring and I don't have much use for big dicks. Not even when they become vice president.

Turn ons: http://itmfa.com/
Turn offs: http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/04/15/bush.radio.ap/index.html

Suicide Girls

Sometimes, it comes on me for no real reason - at least no reason that makes enough sense. I had an okay day - nothing special, nothing horribly bad. Watched a couple of movies tonight. Then, just a little while ago, I started feeling this overwhelming urge to kill myself. Or slash my wrists or hit myself or pull my hair out or burn myself.

If anyone in cyberspace stumbles across this, don't panic. I'm not going to do any of those things. But I'm obsessed with the thoughts right now.

And this is what my life is like on an almost daily basis. I'll be floating along and nothing really happens to change my mood but it's like a storm front rolls in out of nowhere and I have to weather it out. Sometimes these self-destructive thoughts and feelings last for a few minutes or a few hours or for days at a time. I've had periods where it lasted for months at a time.

A couple of months ago, I came to the realization that I am going to kill myself. The only question is when. It's not in the immediate future - not today, not this weekend, but someday. I've been fighting this for twenty years and I don't see any signs that it's ever going to get better.

Turn ons: My cats. They're the only ones who would miss me if I died.
Turn offs: All the people who tell me that's not true, but where the fuck are they when I need someone to talk to?

Diving In

I've been wanting to start my own blog for a long time, so here goes.

I'll start with things I'm interested in: I'm addicted to celebrity gossip. Page Six is the last thing I read before I go to bed every night. Scary, isn't it?

I used to be very interested in politics but the disaster formerly known as Dubya is so depressing that I rarely watch the news nowadays without wanting to slash my wrists.

Maybe that's why I can't get enough of Brangelina and TomKat. No matter how stupid or self-absorbed they might be, nobody gets nuked.

I'm a writer. When I finished the first draft of my version of the great american novel, it was more than 300,000 words long (1300 pages double-spaced, thank you very much). So I've spent the last year (okay, two years) revising it. I've trimmed it down to 700 pages and 202,000 words. What ended up on my cutting room floor is longer than the typical first novel. Now I'm trying to get it published - the part I kept, not the part I cut.

So if you're a literary agent looking for a young, photogenic, up-and-coming writer, move along. Nothing to see here. But if you're looking for a very entertaining summer beach read written by the anti-Paris Hilton, let's talk. My novel has it all - sex and violence, suspense, glitz and glamour, romance, belly laughs and a whole lot of chuckles.

Turn ons: Guys who love cats.
Turn offs: People who voted for Bush and won't admit they were wrong.