If I was Obama's speech writer

He'd be standing up in front of a crowd right now and he'd be saying:

How many bridges have to collapse before Republicans in Congress get off their asses and help us pass a roads bill?  You want to get people off food stamps and unemployment and get a job? Then you do your jobs, Mr. Boehner, Mr. McConnell, Mr. Ryan.  Pass a goddamn stimulus bill to create jobs for the unemployed to get. Not minimum wage jobs - real jobs where people can actually earn enough money to feed their families and buy a house and a car and pay for health care.  That's what will get people off food stamps.

You know what?  All your billionaire buddies - your so-called job creators - aren't creating jobs. They're sitting on their mountains of money and that's not helping the economy. Pass a tax bill so they can pay their fair share of taxes and then we can fix these bridges before they collapse.

Wouldn't that be a novel idea?  Fix the problem before it becomes a bigger problem.  Invest in our infrastructure. It's good for business.  Building roads, building bridges, building schools - that's what creates jobs.  Those are businesses.

And by creating those jobs - by investing in our infrastructure - we are building the foundation for other businesses to use.  That creates more jobs.

So yeah. You want to get people off unemployment. You want to cut back how much we spend on food stamps. This is how we do it.  You don't pull the rug out from under people. You give them opportunities so they can buy their own rugs.

Contrary to what all you assholes - I mean Republicans - believe, people don't want to be on welfare. They don't want to collect unemployment. They don't like going to the grocery store and being shamed by the clerks and the other customers staring at them when they pull out their EBT card because it's the only way they can feed their families. They want jobs that pay a living wage.  They want opportunities.

So let's fix our bridges. Let's repair our roads. Let's build some new roads. Let's educate our youth so they can be the job creators of tomorrow.

Quit wasting everyone's time trying to cook up phony scandals. Let's stop trying to position yourselves for the next election.  You want to get re-elected? Do something! Do your fucking job!

Pass a fucking stimulus bill so I can sign it.  Do your fucking job.

*****

Yeah, I know he's already saying most of that.  He's been saying it for years. But it's time to start throwing some F-bombs because that's what it's going to take to get people's attention. Call in the drones if you have to.

I did something I shouldn't have

This morning, I clicked on a link to The New York Daily News, one of the biggest, darkest black holes of the netiverse.  Once you go in, it's hard to find your way out. They are geniuses at writing the headlines on the side bar. They're like Lays potato chips--you can't click just one.

Some of what I read today:

• White dad falsely accused of kidnapping own biracial daughters during Walmart shopping trip.  At first glance, I'm like "How Racist!" Then I see the picture of the guy and he looks like you might think a kidnapper would look, all pale and feckless. (I had to look that up to make sure it really was the word I wanted.) Add to that the fact he has a 4 year old and 2 year old twins and the near certainty that at least one of them had a tantrum at some point during their visit to the store. ("No, I don't want to!" "You're not my real dad!" "I want my mommy!")  Surely, the people had Walmart only wanted to make sure the kids were safe, even if it's possible their suspicions were tinged by racist inklings.

• California couple used 12 year old niece as sex slave.  I'll save you the click: They smuggled her into the country illegally, used her as their maid and nanny, and forced her to have sex with the husband and his friends. For punishment, they beat her, forced her to eat chili peppers and rotten food, and burned her with a cigarette lighter. After more than a year of abuse, the girl went to the authorities for help. They deported her and did nothing to the abusers.

• Bronx mom and boyfriend beat her 3 year old to death. They hit her with a belt until she died. I hope they were high on something because it scares me to think anyone could do that completely sober.

• Teacher inappropriately touched girl with banana. Sometimes a banana isn't just a banana, especially when you're a high school teacher using it in a prop during your lecture about Freudian symbolism.

• Hope that humble pie is low calorie. The CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch said:  "In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids.  We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong (in our clothes), and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."  He was explaining why their clothing stores don't carry anything above a size 10. The article is about him apologizing, except he didn't and he certainly hasn't been humbled.

• Man sets up camera looking for ghosts, catches his girlfriend having sex with his son. He knew there was something abnormal going on in that house.  Apparently he's been watching Ghost Hunters when he should have been watching Cheaters.

• Thousands support vet, 91, facing eviction by his daughter. After reading the article, the daughter is even worse than the headline hints. He built the house he's living in and lived there for 56 years. He got sick and signed a power of attorney for his daughter. She used it to transfer ownership of the home to herself without his knowledge.  Now she's mad at him so she went to court to kick him out. 

• Demi's beau has a pearl in his family jewels.  Your dirty mind thinks it means Demi Moore's boyfriend has a scrotum piercing with a pearl attached.  Family jewels is slang for testicles, right? Well, you're wrong. He doesn't have a piercing on his balls. He had a pearl inserted in his penis.

• Kim Kardashian blah blah blah. Why do I ever click on a headline with that name in it? I'm only feeding the beast. My summary of the article: The Kardashians are tacky, tasteless, greedy, self-absorbed phonies. But you already knew that.

• Jon Bon Jovi to Justin Bieber: You're an asshole.  Needs no explanation.

We've been pwned

Around 2 months ago, gas here was around $3.34 a gallon then it started going down a few cents a week. It got down to $3.18.  A few days later, I saw that it had gone up to $3.20 so I filled my tank. That was on May 4, exactly one week ago today.  A few days after that, it had shot up to $3.32.

Today, gas is $3.54 a gallon.  The price went up 34¢ in one week.

Price gouging by the oil companies, plain and simple, aggravated by market manipulation on Wall Street.

Of course, fuel prices are driving up the cost of everything else but manufacturers are sneaky about the way they raise prices.  I've been keeping track of what I buy. Just within the last month, Land of Lakes reduced their cottage cheese from 24 oz. to 22 oz. but the containers are still the same size and so is the price. But that price had already jumped up by more than 50¢ within the last 6 months.  Jolly Time reduced the microwave popcorn from 3.3 oz individual bags to 3.2 oz but the 6-pack boxes they come in are still the same size. The price of the box went up from $2.78 to $2.98.

I cited those 2 items because they are produced locally. We grow the popcorn and the dairy cows and we process it and package it right here.  I'm very lucky to live in Iowa because our prices are significantly lower than just about anywhere else in the country.

Why exactly aren't we regulating oil companies? Why don't we make them pay their fair share of taxes? Why are we subsidizing highway robbery?

Thrown under the bus, part 2

Remus left this as a comment and I thought it was worthy of its own post:

The treatment of the poor and elderly is becoming more atrocious ... and sad to have a Democrat (INO) further weakening the safety net.

The for-profit healthcare system is really a wealth-extraction system. Perhaps you would be living in your car ... or more likely needing long-term care (nursing home) for end-of-life or even for rehab/recovery following CA treatment.

I am experiencing some of this first hand with my Mom, who had a stroke 18 days ago, hospitalization / transfer to nursing home and is being killed by modern medicine and the hospital superbugs.

At least she has some savings and a Medicare Supplement Policy. Not sure about a Long-Term Care Policy, but if not, she will be drained of all resources in short order.

Medicaid will cover your nursing home care ... ONCE you have been made destitute (not more than $2,000 in assets) ... they will even go back 5 years to see if you gave away an asset to family or friends (or sold at a discounted price) and try to claw that back. After that, they take everything except for $60 a month from your SS. $2.00 a day for anything personal.

So what is the point of savings ?

As to current cuts in food stamps and assistance ... great, the only food you can get is perhaps 1 or 2 Dollar Menu items per day, and we all know those items have no deleterious health implications.

God forbid you need mental health care here ... you can buy a gun, no problem ... but Texas has now achieved Gov. Goodhair's goal of being dead last in per-capita mental health care spending.

Sadly ObamaCare does not provide care or control costs, merely provide subsidies and a guaranteed profit stream for private providers.

The main reason so many people do not have insurance (besides cost) is that insurance really only helps protect your assets ... and if you don't have assets ... well, why buy it ?

I really feel we are doomed as a society and the class divide will only increase as the Middle Class is squeezed for every penny of their meager wealth and every minute of their productive time.

I'm on the ground and there's a bus headed straight for me

Last night on MSNBC (Maddow or O'Donnell, I can't remember) one of the guests said that where the sequester is affecting the affluent people on one of the coasts (like flight delays or cancelling White House tours), they'll fix it. But the poor and all us suckers in the heartland can go to hell as far as Congress is concerned. 

I'm very lucky that I went through chemo 3 years ago (has it been that long already?) because now the cancer centers are being forced to turn away Medicare patients. The sequester means Medicare will no longer pay for chemo at cancer centers. They will, however, pay for it at hospitals which is more expensive.

Another idiotic result of the sequester is that they closed down one of the agencies that audits programs to find waste and save money.

The food stamp program I've been on for the last year was part of the stimulus package. It's set to expire soon. Last year my food stamps were cut from $65 a month to $58 because they changed the way they calculated the utilities deduction. This year, because of the cost of living adjustment I got from Social Security (a whopping $15 a month) and because my flea market income averaged $5 a month more from July through December than the previous 6 months, my food stamps were cut from $58 a month to $32.  Now I'm going to lose the $32.

The other day on TMZ Live, they were talking about how the average person on food stamps only has $1.50 a day for food.  That's about $30 a week for a family of 4. Millionaire Harvey Levin said, "Oh I could easily get by on $30 a week." They had to explain to him that it would only be $10.50 a week for one person.

My income is so high (90% the poverty level, yippee!) that I only get $30 a month food stamps but with that plus Social Security, I'm able to spend about $30 a week on groceries.

I would be living in my car if not for housing assistance. Without Medicaid I would have died from suicide or cancer.  I'm grateful for the help I get.

But f I lived in any other western country in the world, I wouldn't have to be poor to get free medical care. I could actually go out and get a part-time job without worrying that I'd no longer be able to afford my meds. I wouldn't need food or housing assistance because I could probably earn enough money to pay for those things. But there's no way I can work enough to get insurance or to pay my medical expenses out of pocket. Not even if I was well enough to work full-time (which I'm not.)

My neighbor had to give up her full-time job because $8 an hour wasn't enough to cover the housing assistance and food stamps she lost by working, plus she had to pay $2 for bus fare each way. (Or $12 for cab fare one way because our buses don't run after 5:30 p.m. or on Sundays, and those were usually the hours she had to work.) 

The only medical care she gets is through the community health center and it takes her weeks to get an appointment. She can't get pyschotherapy (which she desperately needs). The crowns fell off her teeth and she needs dentures. She has to go to Iowa City, 350 miles away, to get her teeth pulled.  (Which is where she'd have to go for any hospitalization, surgery or other specialized care.)  Then she'll have to pay for her dentures out of pocket. That'll be $5000 to $7000, which is half her annual income. 

All this is through the Iowa Care program, which Governor Branstad wants to expand, rather than accepting federal money to expand Medicare to people like my friend.

So here are my choices: 1) Commit suicide from depression and/or end up in jail or committed to a mental hospital because of a manic psychosis (which is what would happen without my psych meds). Or 2) Sit here knowing that most people see me as a lazy freeloader, one of Romney's mythical 47% who feels entitled to the basics of survival like food and shelter and health care.

Lots of times, suicide feels like the best option. Even with my psych meds.

I've always known that people like Paul Ryan (or just about everyone in Congress with R's beside their names) don't give a shit about me. But now I find out Obama is willing to sacrifice people like me to get the "big deal" he wants.  His legacy, you see.

Why did I vote for him exactly?

Repinned

I read somewhere that Pinterest is crack for women. It is addictive but it's not quite as self-destructive.

"Pins" are pictures that people have found somewhere on the internet or uploaded themselves and pinned to their own "boards" on Pinterest. On many websites, you'll now see a little red "Pin" icon next to the icons for Facebook, Twitter, etc.

One of the things you can do on Pinterest is repin things you see on other people's boards.  It's kind of like retweeting on Twitter.

I just found out that one of my pictures (seen here) has been repinned 49 times. Woohoo!  This is the link to it on Pinterest.

I created it myself on Polyvore.  That's a website where you can, for example, find pictures of clothes and put them together in collages. For me, it's kind of like playing with paper dolls or Barbies.

The board I posted this outfit on is called "If I Was Young, Rich & Skinny."  I would totally wear this outfit if I was any of those things.

One month ago today, I reported that I was up to 500 followers on Pinterest.  Now I'm at 582.

That's about the biggest thing I've accomplished in the last year. It gave me hours and hours of pleasure.

Here's where you can find all my boards.

How did they get him out of the cage?

The cage in question is on the upper left.

Apparently, my cats have killed another bird.  I didn't notice until about half an hour ago when Lizzie woke me. She had jumped up by the cages and startled the birds, who were frantically flying into the sides of the cages. I turned on the light so they could see and when I did, I noticed that one was missing.

It had to have happened when I was at writer's group tonight.  I'm sure I would have heard the commotion otherwise.

I have examined the cage thoroughly. There's no way they could have taken him out through the bars. My fingers won't even fit in there and it takes some strength to force them apart, more that a cat could muster. There's a small gap between the back of the cage and the top, but I don't see how a bird could fit through there. If they managed to capture him and pull him through, I would expect to see a lot of feathers there. No evidence.

There are a few feathers on the floor of the bedroom several feet from the cage and a bunch in the living room.  When I came home last night, I didn't turn the light on so I don't know if they were there at that time.

I can't find the body. I've checked all the cats' usual hiding places--under the bed, under the fridge, under other furniture. In the closet, in the bathtub. Behind my desk.

No way they could have eaten the entire body.  They wouldn't have eaten the beak or all the feathers.  They didn't even leave bite marks on the 2 previous birds they killed.

Those 2 had been kept in a different cage. The bars on it were far enough apart for the cats to get their paws through. Unfortunately, I didn't discover that until after the second bird was killed. The first time, I thought I must have left the door open. The second time, I was sure I hadn't.

But this cage--the one that's missing a bird now--there's no way the cats took that bird out between the bars.  I know I didn't leave the door open this time. After I tended to them this morning (Wednesday morning), I stood there and watched them eat and take their baths. There were 2 birds in that cage and I didn't open the door again after that.

So the cats have figured out how to open the door. This would require balancing precariously on the edge of the dresser on a space that's about 3 inches wide. Then pushing the door up, grabbing a bird and pulling it out. Or pushing the door open and the bird flying out. That second option would be unusual (they usually fly away from the door because that's where you are) but it's not impossible.

What am I going to do with my adorable but murderous little children?

Update: He's alive! Once the sun was up, I did another search. He was in the bedroom where the cages are, on the floor below a book shelf, behind a box of magazines, where the cats couldn't get to him.  He doesn't seem to have any bite marks but he's missing a lot of feathers but he can still fly. If I keep him warm and give him lots of supplements, he might be able to survive. 

The Assassins.

  

Nicki Minaj is the new Fonzie

(I originally posted this as a comment on an article about American Idol's fall from grace.) 

Hiring Mariah Carey was a mistake from the beginning.  She's a great singer but everybody knew she's too self-absorbed to be a good judge. (There's a reason her nickname is Mimi.)

Choosing Nicki Minaj was nothing but stunt casting. Mariah had made it well known she wanted to be the only female judge - her people says she was promised she would be - and the fact that there was already tension between Mariah and Nicki was out there.  Nicki was someone who wasn't even known to most of Idol's most loyal viewers. They thought they could draw in Nicki fans as new viewers and that a cat fight would be great for ratings.

The cat fight stopped being fun before the first episode aired when Nicki made death threats against Mariah (probably not serious, just said in anger and frustration) and Mariah (biggest drama queen on earth) hired extra security and claimed she feared for her life because of Nicki.

 Idol fans have NEVER liked having a fourth judge (even someone as lovable as Ellen Degeneres).  It takes too much time away from the contestants. No matter who the judges are, the most loyal fans tune in for the contestants. 

I have never missed an episode of AI prior to this season. I scheduled my life around that damn show. This year, I watched about 10 minutes of the first episode this season and I was done. Mariah and Nicki were both so obnoxious I couldn't stand it. (I'm saying this despite the fact that I was a huge Mariah fan.)

 I watched the first season of X Factor but didn't even try the second season when I found out Britney and Selena were going to be judges. More stunt casting.  I smelled that train wreck coming.

Luckily, The Voice was there to pick up some of the slack but I don't watch every week.  My appetite for singing competitions is gone because of what they did to Idol. During the Simon years, it was one of the best shows in the history of TV.  J Lo and Tyler kept it entertaining and they had great contestant. 

The term jump the shark. originated from an episode of Happy days where the Fonz proved his bravery by, literally, jumping a shark.  This year, American Idol bought a pair of water skis when they cast Mariah. They brought on Nicki to do the jumping.

A few quickies

I'm just not organized enough to write a post today. But here's some of what I've been thinking about:

• Tweeter DKThomp sums it up: "Obama: Tax the rich, spare the poor, remember the young. Ryan: Save the rich, forget the poor; spare the old."

•  Former Tennessee Lawmaker Allegedly Drove 90 MPH While Masturbating Out Window   The headline tells most of the story but I'm trying to figure out the logistics. Either he put the car on cruise control and was steering with his feet or this guy has a really long dick.  

• Cute Tumblr: Reasons my son is crying.

Dancing with the bread

My sleep cycle is screwed up again. Still. I'm up all night and sleeping during the day. Maybe this is the norm for me and sleeping during the night is when I'm really screwed up.

Whatever. Yesterday, I went to bed around 6:00 a.m. Woke up around 8:30 with someone knocking on my door. I didn't answer.

Later, Frenemy (neighbor across the hall) told me it was the neighbor from down the hall. She saw him through her peephole. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers as usual. This is not a guy that anyone would enjoy seeing in his boxers.

Frenemy once told me the first time she ever saw him, she was coming up the steps when he was coming down and his "mouse" was peeking out.

Anyway, after Down The Hall neighbor knocked on my door yesterday and didn't get an answer, he knocked on Frenemy's door. She didn't answer. Apparently, he heard some movement because he said, "Is somebody there?"

She said, "Meow," so he would think it was one of her cats.

Really. She thought he'd mistake her meowing for a real cat.

Whatever. This morning I went to bed around 8:00 a.m. Went to sleep some time after 9:30 a.m. Woke up at 11:00 with someone knocking on my door. The person was really pounding.  The building's on fire? One of my cats escaped when I took the garbage out this morning and is wandering in the hall?

I answered the door. It was DTH neighbor. In his boxers. This time he had a t-shirt on. It's a little chilly here today.

Two days in a row he knocks on my door, so it must be important.

He says, "Can I borrow 2 pieces of bread?"

Huh?

He says, "I've got enough lunch meat for a sandwich and I don't want to go all the way to the store for 2 pieces of bread."

He's very drunk. As usual. Last time I talked to him, he was giving me 5 pounds of potatoes that he got for free right after he bought some. I kind of owe him. But the bread I have right now is really good. 100% whole wheat, the expensive brand I really like that's $3.28 a loaf, and it's still really soft even though it's almost a week old.

But I try to make it a point to stay friendly with the drunks neighbors so they don't slash my tires or piss outside my door. I give DTH 2 pieces of bread. He says he'll return it later.

I'm not sure I want 2 pieces of bread he's handled with his bare hands. The same hands that handle that chubby mouse that's always trying to peek out of his boxers.

Just as he's thanking me, Frenemy comes upstairs carrying her laundry. They greet each other. DTH goes back to his apartment. Frenemy goes into hers. She and I both stand in our doorways and mouth to each other, What the fuck?

After we hear DTH's door close, Frenemy says, "What time did you go to bed this morning?"

"Two hours ago."

We both sigh. She says, "I got called in to work. Will you tape Dancing with the Stars for me tonight?"

Her VCR doesn't have a tuner. Did you know it's nearly impossible to buy a VCR with a tuner now?  I'm just about the only person I know who can still record TV on VHS. I've got that going for me.

After I went back to bed, I thought, Shit. I should've given him the half-stale half-loaf of bread I've got in the fridge.

Thought for the day

Why would anyone ever name their daughter Aspyn?  Ass pin. Why?

Roger Ebert died today

He was 70 and it was from the cancer he's been dealing with for the last 10 years.  He was one of the icons from my childhood.  I used to watch Siskel and Ebert every week.  Every time I went to rent a movie, I'd pick up the ones that got 2 thumbs up.  I don't think I ever saw a movie I didn't like that Ebert gave thumbs up.  There are lots of great, lesser known movies I never would've seen if he hadn't put him on his "best of" lists.

Just last night, I read an announcement on his website that said he was taking "a leave of presence."  Perfectly Ebert.

Too much sadness for one day.

I'm sick to my stomach

As of 11:00 last night, I am in possession of an emaciated cat who may be at death's door. Her original owners more or less abandoned her--the husband was dying of cancer and the wife was with him out of town. They had someone going in a couple of times a week to feed their two cats.  This went on for six weeks.

Finally, they asked for someone to adopt them. One of my friends volunteered. She found out that one of the cats was 18 years old with health problems and decided to have him put to sleep.

She brought the other cat home with her.  An eight-year-old female, spayed and front declawed, who appeared to be in good health.  Not surprisingly, Little Kitty didn't have much appetite. She was separated from the only people she knew and the companion cat she'd been with her whole life and placed in a new environment with two other cats who didn't especially want her there.

That was two months ago.  My friend has been reporting to me that Little Kitty was losing weight.  She was eating and drinking a little, using the litter box some. She was offered different types of food, including tuna which few cats can resist. Last weekend, she took a turn for the worse. My friend bought some liquid food that was designed for cats that won't eat--high in calories, with an appetite stimulant. She couldn't get the cat to swallow it.

On Tuesday, my friend told me she was going to have Little Kitty put to sleep because she didn't know what else to do. She can't afford vet bills.  I volunteered to take her.  I've had experience nursing sick cats and feeding them with a syringe. I thought maybe I could make a difference.

So last night, my friend brought Little Kitty to me.

She is far sicker than I imagined.  I've got her isolated in the bathroom.  I tried force feeding her a couple teaspoons of diluted tuna water every hour but gave up on that.  She's used the litter box once in 12 hours--she peed about a teaspoon or two. 

When I started typing this, I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I decided. I just now called my vet's office. I'm taking her in this afternoon. I told the woman on the phone that I really need to try to keep the cost down and I had the impression that they would be perfectly okay with putting her down.

God, I wish I had volunteered to start taking care of her sooner.

UPDATE: Little Kitty has been put to sleep. The vet said that she was much older than the 8-9 years the previous owners had claimed, definitely in her teens. Because of her age, she probably had other underlying health conditions before my friend adopted her.  Vet said it probably wouldn't have made a difference if I had brought her in sooner, that the stress of losing her original home and family and companion cat was too much for her and she just gave up on life.  I'm sad but I feel better about the situation now.

So cute I had to post it

Source

Happy Easter.

Sometimes you get what you've got coming

A woman in Texas saw a snake in her yard, so she did what any normal person would do - she threw gasoline on it and set it on fire.  The snake crawled into a brush pile, the brush pile caught her house on fire, and she lost everything she owned.

It's the kind of story I used to blog about all the time. I got away from that but what makes this one blog-worthy are the comments that were posted on Yahoo.  A sampling:

"She was suffering from a reptile dysfunction."

"I can't wait for Allstate's 'Mayhem' commercial for this."

"...and what do you want to bet she can't collect a penny from her State Farm homeowner's policy, because there's a rider that says 'Fires started by pouring gasoline onto a snake are not covered'?"

"The 'scales' of justice."

"I can already see Jeff Foxworthy's brain going into overdrive over this one. You know you are a redneck when...."

Usually, I'd add my own snarky comments but I can't top those.

500 followers

Today I hit 500 followers on Pinterest.  Way psyched.  I've been on there for just over a year, and it's one of the reasons I don't post on this blog as often. Mostly it's a colossal waste of time when I should be doing more serious writing. But it's fun.

Twisted and kinky

I used to start journals on my computer but never kept up with them.  From time to time, I'd get paranoid that someone was hacking me and reading everything I wrote.  Which may not have been entirely ridiculous because I did find a backdoor trojan on my computer once, and it was the type that would have allowed someone to go through all my files.

Tonight I came across one of my abandoned journals.  I have no idea why I saved this lone entry:

Wednesday, 12-31-2003

I had a funny dream this morning.  In the dream, I had one long hair growing out of my nose.  It was about six inches long and kinky, like a pubic hair.  I kept trying to pull it out, but I couldn’t get hold of it.  I wanted to cut it off, but I couldn’t find anything to cut it with.  I was anxious and upset and frustrated about it.

I think the dream represents the way I’m feeling about the novel that I’m working on.  I’ve been writing it for more than 2½ years.  It’s already more than a thousand pages long and I’m not done yet, although I’m close to the end of the first draft.  It’s twisted and kinky, like that hair, and I’m having trouble pulling the rest of it out.  For the last week, I’ve only managed to write about three paragraphs.  I know that the thing needs to be cut, but I don’t know where to cut it--or I’m reluctant to cut the things that I know need to go.

I’ve been wasting a lot of time playing Gin Rummy on the computer.  I’m very depressed and eating compulsively to stave off anxiety.  Lots of suicide thoughts.  The holiday season is almost over.  I’ll be relieved when it is.

Right now, I’m listening to an old Simon and Garfunkel concert on TV.  Their voices are so beautiful.

What strikes me most is how little my life has changed in ten years.  I still have elaborate and meaningful dreams sometimes. Nowadays, I do most of my time-wasting on Pinterest although recently I've been playing a lot of Mahjong Safari on Pogo.

I did finish the novel.  The first draft was more than 300,000 words and 1300 pages.  I've revised and revised to get it down to 150,000 words and 555 pages.

Usually, a first published novel runs between 90,000 to 120,000 words and less than 300 pages.  I haven't worked on this one since early last year but I might take another crack at it.  I think there's still enough sludge for me to cut another 30,000 words.

I'm posting a picture of Robert Redford because I'll used any excuse to post a picture of Robert Redford.  This time my excuse is that the primary love interest in my novel looks a lot like RR in his 40s. The secondary love interest looks like Brad Pitt in his 20s. They're father and son and my main character can't decide between them.

As I noted earlier, my novel is twisted and kinky.

Four wild & crazy guys

The embed code doesn't seem to be working so here's the link.  Dan Aykroyd and Steve Martin (two wild and crazy guys) meet Adam Samberg and Justin Timberlake (of "Dick in a Box" fame).

Can I please get some real news?

I have a Yahoo email account.  Recently, they redid their home page and it was so busy-looking that it hurt my eyes. So I finally gave in and started using "My Yahoo" so I could pick and choose (within a lot of limitations) what I'd be looking at when I go to check my email.

Now, I'm looking at a "News For You" section every time I go there.  Headlines based on my clicking history.  In the last week, I've read a couple of stories about sex crimes and a couple of celebrity gossip stories. Now, the only news they're feeding me are sex crimes and celebrity gossip.  You'd think that's all that's going on in the world.

You really can get caught in a feedback loop.  If I keep clicking these headlines--which are the only headlines being served up to me--I'll keep getting these kinds of stories.  Looking at Yahoo, I would think there's a sudden epidemic of sex crimes all over the country, so many sex crimes that they've eclipsed all other news.

It's kind of like watching Fox News but instead of the notion that Obama's a Socialist who's destroying our freedoms, I'm being brainwashed with the notion that every doctor, teacher, cop, lawyer, soldier and friend, family member or stranger is a rapist.  And "Oz the Great and Powerful" can save Hollywood or destroy it--competing stories there.

I really do not like the way Google and their personalized ads and searches are influencing the rest of the internet.

Quickies

Yesterday on TMZ Live, Harvey Levin said that we should vote out everyone in Congress and get all new representatives.  TMZ is affiliated with Fox and that's where he gets all of his non-celebrity news. 
Harvey, you really shouldn't discuss politics in public. You're playing right into the obstructionists' hands.  They're willing to destroy the country to feed their own egos and fill the pockets of their billionaire benefactors.  By blaming everyone, you're allowing them to escape responsibility for their own actions.

Do you really think a whole new crop of politicians will be any better? We need to get rid of the ones who are causing the problems. Let's start with Boehner.

Time for some quickies:

• I got another rejection this week, for a short story I wrote last fall.  The good news is my writing group really liked all 12 poems I took this week (although I didn't read them all since we had already workshopped them in the past). They strongly encouraged me to send them out and do multiple submissions. 

• Dear Google:  Here's a reminder for you.  I am not going to give you my mobile phone number. I will never give you my mobile phone number. Quit asking.

• First, The Onion calls a 9 year old girl a cunt.  Then a t-shirt company markets shirts that say "Keep Calm and Hit Her" and "Keep Calm and Rape."  Oh, what a wonderful world.

• Meanwhile, here's an example of why those t-shirts aren't funny.  A 19 year old Air Force recruit was raped by her training instructor. She's one of 62 such victims who were identified at Lackland Air Force base alone.  More than 3,000 sexual assault cases in the military were reported in 2011.  Former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta estimates the true number might be as high as 19,000.

• Here's another example. A student at University of North Carolina is being threatened with expulsion because she won't shut up about her rape.  She joined a group of current and former students and the school's former assistant dean of students in filing a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights for UNC's negligent handling or rape cases.  A month after she filed the report, she received a letter from the school threatening to kick her out if she didn't stop talking.  The DOJ estimates that 25% of all college women are raped at some point during their four years at school.

• Researchers at the Holocaust Memorial Museum have found that the Holocaust was even worse than we thought. There were 7,000 known Nazi camps and ghettos but recent research has documented more than 45,000. These include 30,000 slave labor camps; 1,150 Jewish ghettos; 980 concentration camps; 1,000 prisoner-of-war camps; 500 brothels filled with sex slaves; and thousands of other camps used for euthanizing the elderly and infirm, performing forced abortions, “Germanizing” prisoners or transporting victims to killing centers.

Teacher's Pet

The view outside my window last night when it was snowing.

The guy who manages my apartment building is a sweetheart. He always goes out of his way to help me when I ask for something.  If my toilet tank is dripping, he's there to fix it within 24 hours. He always offers to help me carry stuff and he puts my air conditioner in the window for me every year - which is a bitch to do.

My Landlord The Asshole, on the other hand, earned his name for a reason.  He lives out of state but he comes to town at least every couple of months.  I do everything I possibly can to avoid him. He thinks we're best friends.

MLTA and Frenemy have a lot in common. They both have no ability to perceive social cues and no boundaries. When he first bought the place, he'd just walk into my apartment and walk around looking at my stuff. He'd pick up my mail and check to see who it was from, he'd open my refrigerator and kitchen cupboards, all the while chatting up a storm as if this was totally normal behavior.

He became infamous for the signs he'd post around the building and the passive-aggressive "newsletters" he'd send to all his tenants. If one person spilled something in the hall and didn't clean it up, we all got scolded for it. If one person didn't maintain their litter box, everybody with a cat was threatened with eviction.  And almost every month, somebody wouldn't pay their rent on time and we'd all get "a friendly reminder" taped to our doors explaining how irresponsible we all were and how he just "SPENT $10,000 FOR A NEW BOILER" and if anybody was late again he'd have to "RAISE THE RENT" for everyone.  (The caps were all his.)

It was the "friendly reminder" for everyone to "BE COURTEOUS TO YOUR NEIGHBORS" that pushed me over the top. Among other things, MLTA said he'd been getting complaints and from now on, everyone on the upper floors should avoid walking around their apartments late at night.

It's my fault the floors are old and squeaky? It's my fault you were an idiot and replaced most of the slightly-soundproofing thick carpet with sound-enhancing tile?

Which is basically what I told him in the aggressive-aggressive anonymous letter I sent.  I gave him my own list of complaints about every list of complaints he'd ever given us.  Like "How fucking stupid do you have to be to harass good tenants just because some other asshole didn't pay his rent?  IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!" And "Do you ever wonder why most of the good tenants who lived here for years before you bought the place have all moved out? IT'S BECAUSE OF SHIT LIKE THIS!"

I was completely amazed but it worked. It was the last time he sent out one of those letters to everyone and he dramatically cut the number of signs he left on the outside doors.  ("TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF as soon as you enter the building to avoid tracking in the halls" came down.)

MLTA went through a long series of managers from bad to worse before Sweet Heart came along. None of the previous had stayed more than a few months. SH's first day on the job was the day I found out I had cancer, so he's been here 3 years. He works his ass off taking care of this place. He's here six days a week and on call 24/7. It's a shitty job with shitty pay but he does it very well.

That doesn't stop MLTA from micromanaging, harassing him constantly and threatening to fire him often.  SH is expected to email MLTA a minute-by-minute account of what he does every day.  He's supposed to make a list of things he can do to improve himself and steps he will take to accomplish that. Not his work - himself. I'm not kidding.

When Sweetheart first started working here, MLTA told him I was his best tenant.  One day SH was working in my apartment and I overheard MLTA scolding him on the phone. When SH hung up, I said, "God, he's such an asshole. I don't know how you put up with him."

SH was shocked. He thought MLTA and I were friends. We had a good laugh about that. Ever since then, I've been one of SH's confidantes.

Frenemy is the other. She and SH went to high school together and he told her he's had a crush on her ever since then.  Earlier this week, Frenemy told me today would be SH's birthday and he's down in the dumps because he's getting old.  She said she was going to give him a card.  I said we should make him some cupcakes or something.

So we did. She bought the cake mix and the card, I bought the frosting and did the baking.  We both signed the card and she delivered them to him early this morning.

When I got up, there was a thank you voice mail from SH saying he was going to come up and hug me later.  Which is why he knocked on my door a little while ago and hugged me.  Then he said, "But there wasn't any money in the card."

I said, "You got hugs, didn't you?"

He laughed and said, "See you later."

As he headed down the steps, he said, "Oh, I cleaned the snow off your car."

I should make cupcakes more often.

That's not my car. I just wanted to show the 10 inches we finally got.

Big Ten Inch

It's snowing!  As of this morning, local forecasters were saying we could expect 4 to 8 inches but the guy on The Weather Channel said it would be 6 to 10 inches.  Give me the whole ten inches, baby!

Quote of the day

See a doctor if you think there’s something funny going on with you (seriously, nothing you could possibly ask comes close to some of the things doctors hear, never worry about asking something embarrassing, they’ll probably just be relieved that it’s something normal like a vagina question instead of a cell phone stuck in your small intestine or something).

-- comment posted on The Large Labia Project

(Caution: the site is very not safe for work.  It's a blog where women submit photos of their labia. The goal is to help people realize that most vulvas don't look like the drawings in high school anatomy books or the pictures you see in Playboy.)

Just because you have a dick ...

... it doesn't mean you have to be one.

On Wednesday, I helped Mom shop for a new phone and TV.  Yesterday, I drove 50 miles to her place to help her set them up. She gave me money for gas which was good because I have less than $30 left until the end of the month.

On the way home, I did something stupid.  About 25 miles of the drive is on a 2-lane highway.  It's a very hilly area with lots of curves.  Usually the only way you can pass someone is when you're going up one of several steep hills where they have a slow lane.

Most of the people who travel this road are from the area and generally speaking, they're courteous drivers.  If someone is close behind them and wants to pass, they move over into the slow lane even if they're going 55 mph (the speed limit) or higher.  I move over all the time.  If someone's in a hurry, I'd rather have them pass me than ride my tail.  Often, I receive the pleasure of passing them a few miles later while they're having a little chat with the highway patrol.

This road is well patrolled. There have been a lot of fatal accidents on that stretch, mainly because of  idiots who drive too fast and try to pass on curves.  The same idiots I always move into the slow lane for.

Last night, my journey had just begun when I came up behind a guy in a pickup who was only going 50.  I followed him for a few miles.  There was enough oncoming traffic that I couldn't have passed if I wanted.  Before long, there was a line of about 10 cars behind me.

When we got to the first big hill, I expected him to move into the slow lane like any normal person would, so I pulled up right behind him and the car behind me pulled right up behind me and the car behind that guy and so on.  The hill is long enough that everyone could've got around him.

But the leader of the pack was an asshole.  Instead of moving into the slow lane, he started going faster. We got up to 60 mph, which would have been fine with me if he stayed there.

But no.  As soon as we topped the hill, he slowed down to 50.  And so it went.  Every hill we came to, he refused to move over and sped up.  By that time, we had a caravan of 15-20 cars.

After more than 20 miles of this, we came to the 4-lane where the speed limit is 65.  I immediately pulled out into the passing lane. I got up to 65. So did he.  I got up to 70.  So did he.  So did the guy who was right on my tail in the passing lane. So did the guy behind him.  So I went up to 75 and when the asshole kept up with me, I got pissed off.

The next time I looked down, I was going almost 90 - asking myself, "What the fuck are you thinking?"  But I got around him.

The very second I got back into the slow lane, before I had even slowed down, he pulled out and passed me.  He almost hit the other guy who had been right behind me, who was apparently as pissed off as me because he had kept up with us.  I guess we all watch too much Nascar.   

Good god, I wanted to catch back up with that asshole and rub fenders with him.

I let him go.  I was already breathing a sigh of relief that the highway patrol hadn't been waiting at the top of the next hill.  They can pull your license for going that fast, not to mention what it would do to my insurance, not to mention - what the fuck had I been thinking?

I slowed down to the speed limit.  It wasn't long until everyone in the caravan had passed me.  I'm sure most of them thought I was the asshole who'd been driving too slow and not letting anyone pass.

It turns out my ten-year-old minivan accelerates pretty quickly.  I got up to 87 without even realizing it and the engine didn't strain at all. I'm sure I could have gone faster.

And it was fun.  No wonder my brother who drives a Mustang knows all the highway patrol guys by name.

Not ready for prime time

Dude made me thirsty with all his lip smacking.  I kind of like Marco Rubio but he's too young and and naive and way too inexperienced to even be a Senator, let alone considered for Vice President. Smarter than Sarah Palin but no more prepared than she was. Can you imagine this guy sitting across the table from Ahmadinejad? Hell, can you imagine him sitting across the table from Pelosi and Reid? He'd be whimpering like a scared puppy.